Saturday, October 12, 2013

Friday Funnies ... on Saturday


Yesterday was ridiculous in the Busy Department, so I forgot to stop and giggle. I am AGAIN cleaning the house this day--Saturday, otherwise known as the Stupid Day When We Clean the Stupid House But Be Glad You HAVE a House Because It Could Be Worse. (Mommy Voldemort is always in my head. MAKE HER STOP.)

You know the saying, "I cried because I had no shoes until I met the man who had no feet"? WELL, I have an answer to that: "I cried because I had no shoes until I met the man who had no feet AND he had shoes, nice ones, so I bonked him over the head and stole his shoes because, hell, he wasn't gonna need 'em."

Dude, I so wouldn't do that. BUT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS when I have to vacuum. My brain gets really, really mad, and then it starts thinking dark thoughts, like, what if I *didn't* move the couches to suck up the dust bunnies, or what if I *didn't* vacuum under the beds this week ... WOULD ANYONE KNOW? Probably. It's like wearing ugly underwear with that stretched-out maternity bra you really should get rid of because you haven't nursed a baby in at least eight years and finding yourself unconscious in the laundry soap/cleaning aisle because some jerkoff who's pissed that his store isn't allowed to go union "accidentally" mixed ammonia and bleach so now half the store is convulsing, and on the way down to kiss the dirty tile floor, you smacked your head on the shelf holding Liquid PlumR and now you're unconscious so long that you don't even see that STUD of an EMT leaning over you saying, "Miss? Miss?" (even though he's probably saying, "Ma'am? Ma'am?") and when you FINALLY get to the hospital and wake up to the sound of the guy next to you vomiting and reeking of Sterno, your clothes are GONE and you realize that they have seen your Saturday granny-panties and that stretched out nursing bra.

I really need to go bra shopping.

ANYWAY, here are some things that struck my fancy this week. (Just don't tell Mommy Voldemort that I'm not vacuuming under the beds. SHE IS SO MEAN.)

Last week, I TOTALLY FORGOT to share the latest installment--season two, episode two--from Convos with My 2-Year-Old (although Coco turned three, so yeah ... now I'm just confused ... STILL AWESOME, though!).


From ThinkGeek on Facebook: They shared this image--but Helm's Deep is only the beginning. Check out this guy's Flickr feed for more!

Have I mentioned in the last hour HOW MUCH I LOVE LORD OF THE RINGS? Oh. Right. I did.

If you know me at all, you know I sort of have a thing for William Shakespeare. Especially when he was rude. Buzzfeed offered us THIS this week: 17 Shakespearean Insults to Use in Everyday Life. Take that, butter face.

I chose the Titus quote. OF COURSE I did. Pie, anyone?

 SPEAKING OF CATS, it's hockey season!!!! Nuit is an avid Canucks fan. She is our orcat. (Get it? Orca + cat? I KNOW SO CLEVER RIGHT??? That joke is not original. I stole it. *hangs head*)

Like HELL I hooked him! That was a clean hit! *drops gloves*

Smug Nuit is smug.


And just because I friggin' love Portland ... I give you, The Unicycling Bagpipe-Playing Darth Vader. Keep Portland Weird! Video HERE via

Find the Unipiper:



Yes, Canada has Thanksgiving. On a Monday. I know, it's weird. But Canada celebrated T'giving 43 years before America did, so there's that.

Xs and Os, lovelies ... 

P.S. If you haven't liked Eliza Gordon ^^^^^^^^ up there in the sidebar (see the Facebook LIKE button?), go liketh her. She is me. I am her. We are one. Actually, we are two, but WHATEVER. Book news coming next week. ;)

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