Friday, October 18, 2013

Friday Funnies ... Because Giggling on Friday Is Better than on Monday


I know you guys are like, "Wahhhh, when is it going to be Friday this week is so long and boring and seriousssssly make it Friday so I can go out to the bar and spend $8 for every beer I drink/$12 for every Cosmopolitan I order and then feel bloated and try to time my farts so that the hot girl/delicious guy standing next to my better-looking BFF won't hear my bum squeeeeeeeeak or see the green cloud emanating from my NetherRegions ..."

You don't think this? What are YOUR big plans tonight, then, HUH? Maybe closer to mine? Working until your eyes burn and then checking on the cat who has had her girlie bits removed and is likely working very hard to remove the Cone of Shame? Then pick up one child from work and holler at another to stop eating so many marshmallows because it will give him worms and then kindly ask the Most Sensitive Child if his soccer gear is tidied and then realize that we are STILL out of milk because I'm apparently the only person in the house who realizes that they sell NEW jugs of milk at the grocery store and oh yeah while you're there coffee toilet paper and bread would be great too thanks.

Your night is the same? WE'RE LIKE TWINS.

(Note to you partying-because-I-have-a-life types: Always have GasX or Beano in your purse/wallet. Forget a condom. Well, take that too, but farts are terrible on dates. Like, so gross. Save the farts for when you're living together.)

Because it's Friday--and IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION, Must Love Otters, a new romantic comedy from Eliza Gordon (read: me + Husband) will be coming out soon. October 29. Blabbity-blah-blah, scroll down for the post and be sure to like EG on FB ("like" link in the sidebar) and visit her website for the 411. THE REAL POINT of today is Friday Funnies. And I'm not even vacuuming yet! That will happen sometime tomorrow, so I will take notes in case something really earth-shattering occurs to me while chasing dust bunnies. (How do they grow so BIG in just a week? Bastards are eating my Girl Guide cookies, aren't they ... I KNEW IT.) But Saturday chores are never really full of anything too mind-blowing. Usually it just involves a lot of cussing and me feeling sorry for myself that my childhood was one long chore list and that I should probably re-up my therapy membership so someone other than the real estate guy who knocks on the door regularly and the lady at the gas station can listen to my woes. #firstworldproblems


Another installment from Convos With My Two-Year-Old!
(This one should be Season 3, Episode 2.)


In case you missed it, a fact that I have LONG known to be true has been proven via the use of rats. Oreos are as addictive as cocaine. Duhhhhh!

From Today Health:
Oreos are as addictive as cocaine, at least for lab rats, and just like us, they like the creamy center best.

Eating the sugary treats activates more neurons in the brain’s “pleasure center” than drugs such as cocaine, the team at Connecticut College found.

“Our research supports the theory that high-fat/ high-sugar foods stimulate the brain in the same way that drugs do,” neuroscience assistant professor Joseph Schroeder says. “That may be one reason people have trouble staying away from them and it may be contributing to the obesity epidemic.”
Schroeder’s neuroscience students put hungry rats into a maze. On one side went rice cakes. “Just like humans, rats don’t seem to get much pleasure out of eating them,” Schroeder said. On the other side went Oreos.

Oh, and just like most people - the rats eat the creamy center first.
 Now you know. #vindicated


My favorite Some Ecards for this week (I love these dumb things):

This one ESPECIALLY because Husband has a Man Cold and OOOOOOMG, seriously. I am so bored without anyone to make FUN of. (Yes. It is all about me. I am one of those, "Omigod, you have a cold? Wah for you! Have I reminded you today that I pushed a watermelon out of my vagina FOUR TIMES? Whatever, Sneezy." God. Poor Husband. You guys should send him some hockey tickets or a hotter wife or something.)

You know who you are.

This comes up. A lot, actually. "Ohhhh, so do you make money doing that?" No. Not really. Sometimes. I'm mostly in it for the torture.

My favorite word-related giggle this week:



(Purists need not apply because you guys are so busy arguing about all the changes Peter Jackson et al made to the original story but SSSHHHHH because we likes it, Precious.)


Thorin Oakenshield + Fili + Kili = WINNING

I'm good with that.

And to finish out the week, MORE STUFF ABOUT OTTERS! Meet Otter 501. PBS's Nature ran a special about her this week. Check your PBS station or OnDemand service provider if you missed it (or go to YouTube--there are lots of videos about 501!). I am so happy to report that this orphaned newborn sea otter had a successful rehabilitation and release into the wild off the shores of Monterey, California, and is now a mom herself!


I hope your weekend is filled with all that makes you happy and none of the stuff that turns you into a homicidal jerkface. Let me know how it goes.

(And don't forget to visit Eliza Gordon and check out Must Love Otters. Okay! I'm done! Promise.)

Xs and Os, lovelies ...

1 comment: