tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10514604867196146312024-03-05T12:08:24.439-08:00The Imminent Resettlement of Planet JennAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.comBlogger136125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-26460231260847921692016-10-24T12:56:00.000-07:002016-10-24T12:56:53.351-07:00Movie and Book Wrap-up, Fall 2016<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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[EXCERPTED FROM THE <a href="http://elizagordon.us7.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=e60b51287709280c12539e002&id=ccc20018cd" target="_blank">ELIZA GORDON FALL 2016 NEWSLETTER</a>]</h3>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOJuPGEx6a0IqJ-YRF9pbEt7gjH-A7BAVJVQpm3qctJpl74N0o2uDGXQXtI_2l_-Snduew8z9QHvqy55FaKFgZxPlZgJbmysnntRDOOOZvCQ_HBwb5ENlWCEcwLa8huJd_v05yNMyYCLo/s1600/Canadian-Thanksgiving-2016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOJuPGEx6a0IqJ-YRF9pbEt7gjH-A7BAVJVQpm3qctJpl74N0o2uDGXQXtI_2l_-Snduew8z9QHvqy55FaKFgZxPlZgJbmysnntRDOOOZvCQ_HBwb5ENlWCEcwLa8huJd_v05yNMyYCLo/s400/Canadian-Thanksgiving-2016.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Every
year, people ask me, the displaced Yankee, if Canada celebrates
Thanksgiving. YUP, except they do it on a Monday -- still super weird
for me and this is my 15th Thanksgiving here. But we cook on the Sunday
so we can relax and chill and eat leftovers on Monday. We need a day of
rest after all that good eating!</span></span></h3>
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<div style="color: #505050; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 15px;"><i><b>IN FACT:</b></i>
"The origins of Canadian Thanksgiving are more closely connected to the
traditions of Europe than of the United States. Long before Europeans
settled in North America, festivals of thanks and celebrations of
harvest took place in Europe in the month of October.<br />
<br />
<b>"The very first Thanksgiving celebration in North America took
place in Canada when Martin Frobisher, an explorer from England, arrived
in Newfoundland in 1578. He wanted to give thanks for his safe arrival
to the New World.<br />
<br />
That means the first Thanksgiving in Canada was celebrated 43 years before the pilgrims landed in Plymouth, Massachusetts!"*</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px;"><i>(*Excerpted from </i></span><i>http://www.kidzworld.com/article/2614-canadian-thanksgiving)</i><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: 24px;">The more you know ... ;)</span></b></h1>
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<span style="color: brown;"><span style="font-size: 32px;"><b><br /></b></span></span></h3>
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<span style="color: brown;"><span style="font-size: 32px;"><b>WELCOME, BABY RIALTO!</b></span></span><br />
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<img align="none" height="255" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/f9afb7c2-c8f4-4c9a-a191-d958b82a7cda.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 255px; line-height: 100%; margin: 0px 0px 0px 100px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 400px;" width="400" /><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This sweet baby sea otter was found alone
and in a rough surf off the coast of Washington State — on Rialto Beach
in the Olympic National Park — on August 1, necessitating an urgent
rescue. Thanks to the quick thinking of a National Park Service ranger
(who then contacted the Washington Sea Otter Stranding Network), this
little sweetie was brought to the Seattle Aquarium for care. Estimated
to have been only around seven to eight weeks old at the time he was
saved, aquarium vets found him to be in serious condition: underweight,
malnourished, and battling pneumonia.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But thanks
to the awesome twenty-four-hour care of the folks at the Seattle
Aquarium, this little fella, named Rialto (after the beach where he was
found!) has made an awesome recovery. He’s now well on his way to being a
big, strapping boy and the pneumonia has completely cleared.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Best of all? <b>HE’S HERE IN VANCOUVER, BC, AT THE <a href="http://www.vanaqua.org/" style="color: #336699; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline;">THE VANCOUVER AQUARIUM</a> -- and he is absolutely thriving! </b>I am so stoked — we *love* the Vancouver Aquarium and donate regularly to their <a href="https://www.vanaqua.org/act/direct-action/marine-mammal-rescue" style="color: #336699; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline;">Marine Mammal Rescue Centre</a>.
Just absolutely terrific news that this baby has joined our resident
otters (Elfin, Tanu, and Katmai) and has been welcomed by the people of
British Columbia. He's not in the public viewing areas YET, but you can
bet when he is, I'll be there to blow him kisses.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Frozen clam treats for everyone!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">For more information, <a href="http://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/environment/once-sick-struggling-rescued-sea-otter-now-feisty-getting-fatter/" style="color: #336699; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline;">check out the article from the <i>Seattle Times</i></a>.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: brown;"><span style="font-size: 32px;"><b><img align="none" height="222" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/4915d361-1dc7-4f47-a34f-9f533199443e.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 222px; line-height: 100%; margin: 0px 0px 0px 100px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 400px;" width="400" /></b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 18px;"><b><span style="color: black;">You seriously have to go to the </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/vanaqua/videos/10153792254090800/?hc_ref=PAGES_TIMELINE" style="color: #336699; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank"><span style="color: mediumblue;">Vancouver Aquarium's Facebook page</span></a><span style="color: black;"> and see the video of Rialto sleeping (this screenshot is from his adorable nap). It will make your day, I promise!</span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><b><span style="color: black;"> </span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="color: brown;"><span style="font-size: 32px;"><b>OH, I'VE BEEN READING SO MUCH ...</b></span></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: 15px;">When
I’m writing, I tend to read books in the genre I’m working on as it
keeps my imagination on its toes. For me, reading isn’t just about
enjoying someone else’s work; it’s truly about learning my craft and
studying what other writers are doing so I can (I hope!) be a better
writer myself.<br />
<br />
The following are young adult titles I’ve devoured since we last spoke (summaries extracted from Goodreads). (<b>Warning:
This list is long, so scroll down if you just want to read the movie
reviews or news of what's coming from Eliza Gordon!)</b><br />
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<span style="font-size: 15px;"><b><i><img align="left" height="303" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/f392e26c-5f87-4bba-8ab0-171588e30eb5.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 303px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 200px;" width="200" />THE YOUNG ELITES</i>, Marie Lu</b>:
I read a fair amount of YA fantasy this summer, mostly because it’s fun
and I’ve always got my own projects stewing in the background that will
be informed by reading heavily in the genre. Friends have extolled the
virtues of Marie Lu’s books to me for a while, so I finally picked this
one up. I was fresh off reading another series that I loved (Rae
Carson’s <i>Girl of Fire and Thorns</i>), so maybe my impression of
Lu’s book was a little skewed—it didn’t feel enough different from what
I’d just read to really excite me. But that’s totally my bias and does
not have anything to do with the skill of the writer or the quality of
the book, which, for the record, is excellent. You don’t get to be an
international bestselling author without writing books readers love!
This was a solid 4/5 read for me—check it out for yourself.<br />
<br />
<b>Summary</b>: <b>Adelina Amouteru is a survivor of the blood fever.</b>
A decade ago, the deadly illness swept through her nation. Most of the
infected perished, while many of the children who survived were left
with strange markings. Adelina’s black hair turned silver, her lashes
went pale, and now she has only a jagged scar where her left eye once
was. Her cruel father believes she is a malfetto, an abomination,
ruining their family’s good name and standing in the way of their
fortune. But some of the fever’s survivors are rumored to possess more
than just scars—they are believed to have mysterious and powerful gifts,
and though their identities remain secret, they have come to be called
the Young Elites.<br />
<br />
<b>Teren Santoro works for the king.</b> As Leader of the
Inquisition Axis, it is his job to seek out the Young Elites, to destroy
them before they destroy the nation. He believes the Young Elites to be
dangerous and vengeful, but it’s Teren who may possess the darkest
secret of all.<br />
<br />
<b>Enzo Valenciano is a member of the Dagger Society.</b> This
secret sect of Young Elites seeks out others like them before the
Inquisition Axis can. But when the Daggers find Adelina, they discover
someone with powers like they’ve never seen.<br />
<br />
Adelina wants to believe Enzo is on her side, and that Teren is the true
enemy. But the lives of these three will collide in unexpected ways, as
each fights a very different and personal battle. But of one thing they
are all certain: Adelina has abilities that shouldn’t belong in this
world. A vengeful blackness in her heart. And a desire to destroy all
who dare to cross her.<br />
<br />
The great thing about this one? Both books #2 and #3 are now out!<br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="left" height="301" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/2c656f9d-5d4f-4cc3-8624-cbf88a82d4c0.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 301px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 200px;" width="200" />THIS SAVAGE SONG</i>, V. E. Schwab: </b>Really
liked this one—I read it in a single day! Schwab is awesome—I have two
more of her books sitting right here waiting their turn at bat.<br />
<br />
<b>Summary</b>: There’s no such thing as safe in a city at
war, a city overrun with monsters. In this dark urban fantasy from
author Victoria Schwab<i>, </i>a young woman and a young man must
choose whether to become heroes or villains—and friends or enemies—with
the future of their home at stake. The first of two books.<br />
<br />
Kate Harker and August Flynn are the heirs to a divided city—a city
where the violence has begun to breed actual monsters. All Kate wants is
to be as ruthless as her father, who lets the monsters roam free and
makes the humans pay for his protection. All August wants is to be
human, as good-hearted as his own father, to play a bigger role in
protecting the innocent—but he’s one of the monsters. One who can steal a
soul with a simple strain of music. When the chance arises to keep an
eye on Kate, who’s just been kicked out of her sixth boarding school and
returned home, August jumps at it. But Kate discovers August’s secret,
and after a failed assassination attempt the pair must flee for their
lives.<br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="right" height="258" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/ca07bc12-b7c8-4682-bbb6-ec725e4d51ad.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: auto; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" width="171" />HEARTS & OTHER BODY PARTS</i>, Ira Bloom: </b>This
book doesn’t come out until spring 2017 but you will definitely be
hearing more from me about it leading up to publication. SO MUCH FUN,
and <u>so</u> unique. Unlike anything I’ve ever read, which I don’t say very often (and lately, only about my hero, Andrew Smith (<i>Grasshopper Jungle</i>)).<br />
<br />
<b>Summary</b>: Sisters Esme, Katy, and Ronnie are smart,
talented, and gorgeous, and better yet ... all three are witches. They
have high school wired until the arrival of two new students. The first
is Norman, who is almost eight feet tall and appears to be constructed
of bolts and mismatched body parts. Despite his intimidating looks, Esme
finds herself strangely—almost romantically—drawn to both his oversized
brain and oversized heart.<br />
<br />
The second new arrival is Zack, an impossibly handsome late transfer
from the UK who has the girls at school instantly mesmerized. Soon even
sensible Esme has forgotten Norman, and all three sisters are in a
flat-out hex war to win Zack. But while the magic is flying, only Norman
seems to notice that students who wander off alone with Zack end up
with crushed bones and memory loss. Or worse, missing entirely.<br />
<br />
<i>Hearts & Other Body Parts</i> is a wickedly addictive novel about love, monsters, and loyalty. And oh yeah, a Japanese corpse-eating demon cat.<br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="left" height="297" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/5c57bcaf-52c9-411d-93bb-a4672b205a31.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 297px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 200px;" width="200" />ATTACHMENTS</i>, Rainbow Rowell:</b>
This was a four-star read for me. A little slow, and the epistolary
style can be confusing if you’re not paying attention, but the ending
was TOTALLY satisfying. Definitely recommend.<br />
<br />
<b>Summary</b>: “Hi, I’m the guy who reads your e-mail, and also, I love you ... ”<br />
<br />
Beth Fremont and Jennifer Scribner-Snyder know that somebody is
monitoring their work e-mail. (Everybody in the newsroom knows. It’s
company policy.) But they can’t quite bring themselves to take it
seriously. They go on sending each other endless and endlessly hilarious
e-mails, discussing every aspect of their personal lives.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, Lincoln O’Neill can’t believe this is his job now—reading
other people’s e-mail. When he applied to be “internet security
officer,” he pictured himself building firewalls and crushing
hackers—not writing up a report every time a sports reporter forwards a
dirty joke.<br />
<br />
When Lincoln comes across Beth’s and Jennifer’s messages, he knows he
should turn them in. But he can’t help being entertained—and
captivated—by their stories.<br />
<br />
By the time Lincoln realizes he’s falling for Beth, it’s way too late to introduce himself.<br />
<br />
What would he say ...?<br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="right" height="303" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/0a6204bd-e425-49b5-a3b0-19244e4b389d.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 303px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 200px;" width="200" />MOSQUITOLAND</i>, David Arnold:</b>
Another one of my favorite reads this year. I actually started this
book a few months ago and put it down because David Arnold’s talent is
very intimidating. I know—I’m a weenie! But I restarted and finished the
book in a cozy day of ignoring the world. Highly recommend—and while
you’re at the library/bookstore, do yourself a favor and pick up
Arnold’s latest, <i>Kids of Appetite</i>. That’s next on my TBR (to be read) list!<br />
<br />
<b>Summary</b>: After the sudden collapse of her family, Mim
Malone is dragged from her home in northern Ohio to the “wastelands” of
Mississippi, where she lives in a medicated milieu with her dad and new
stepmom. Before the dust has a chance to settle, she learns her mother
is sick back in Cleveland.<br />
<br />
So she ditches her new life and hops aboard a northbound Greyhound bus
to her real home and her real mother, meeting a quirky cast of fellow
travelers along the way. But when her thousand-mile journey takes a few
turns she could never see coming, Mim must confront her own demons,
redefining her notions of love, loyalty, and what it means to be sane.<br />
<br />
Told in an unforgettable, kaleidoscopic voice, “Mosquitoland” is a modern American odyssey, as hilarious as it is heartbreaking.<br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="left" height="302" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/9c1da50f-6fbf-4217-bd10-1bf72298de30.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 302px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 200px;" width="200" />LIKE A RIVER GLORIOUS</i>, Rae Carson: </b>I
have been SO excited for this book to come out, and naturally, when I
saw a bookstore in another city near mine had it on their shelves a few
days before its scheduled Tuesday release, I zoomed my trusty minivan
over there and made it my own. While I tried to pace myself when I sat
down to read it, I failed and inhaled. Mmm, yummy book.<br />
<br />
The first installment in the series, <i>Walk on Earth a Stranger</i>,
was a favorite read of mine last year. I’ve recommended it a few times
to friends who didn’t love it as much because they felt it was a slow
read—and the first book does feel like a big set-up for the sequel—but I
was super impressed by the author’s skill with research and character
development. I really cared about these people, and the level of detail
Carson provided to give readers a truly authentic feel for what life was
like moving across America during this time in history was first-rate.
Writing a compelling story about the Oregon Trail/California Gold Rush
that we haven’t seen before is the real feat here, and Carson totally
pulled it off. I love this series so far and am looking forward to the
third book! (Also, her <i>Girl of Fire and Thorns </i>series is one of my favorite YA fantasy series ever. Check it out.)<br />
<br />
<b>Summary</b>: After a harrowing journey across the country,
Leah Westfall and her friends have finally arrived in California and are
ready to make their fortunes in the Gold Rush. Lee has a special
advantage over the other new arrivals in California—she has the ability
to sense gold, a secret known only by her handsome best friend Jefferson
and her murdering uncle Hiram.<br />
<br />
Lee and her friends have the chance to be the most prosperous settlers
in California, but Hiram hasn’t given up trying to control Lee and her
power. Sabotage and kidnapping are the least of what he’ll do to make
sure Lee is his own. His mine is the deepest and darkest in the
territory, and there Lee learns the full extent of her magical gift, the
worst of her uncle, and the true strength of her friendships. To save
everyone, she vows to destroy her uncle and the empire he is
building—even at the cost of her own freedom.<br />
<br />
The second epic historical fantasy in the Gold Seer trilogy by Rae Carson, the acclaimed author of <i>The Girl of Fire and Thorns</i><br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="right" height="304" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/40ac5a16-f9dd-4a20-a24f-469c8ade8626.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 304px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 200px;" width="200" />EVERY HIDDEN THING</i>, Kenneth Oppel:</b>
I’m a big fan of Canadian writer Kenneth Oppel—his Victor Frankenstein
duology is among my favorite YA reads. This is his newest release,
touted as <i>Indiana Jones meets Romeo and Juliet</i>. Sold! Again,
another example of stellar research and tight character building. Keep
in mind, though—this book is solidly a young adult novel, due to sexual
content, and <u>not</u> for middle grade readers, unlike some of Oppel’s other popular books.<br />
<br />
<b>Summary</b>: Somewhere in the Badlands, embedded deep in
centuries-buried rock and sand, lies the skeleton of a massive dinosaur,
larger than anything the late nineteenth-century world has ever seen.
Some legends call it the Black Beauty, with its bones as black as ebony,
but to seventeen-year-old Samuel Bolt, it’s the “rex,” the king
dinosaur that could put him and his struggling, temperamental
archaeologist father in the history books (and conveniently make his
father forget he’s been kicked out of school), if they can just quarry
it out.<br />
<br />
But Samuel and his father aren’t the only ones after the rex. For Rachel
Cartland this find could be her ticket to a different life, one where
her loves of science and adventure aren’t just relegated to books and
sitting rooms. And if she can’t prove herself on this expedition with
her professor father, the only adventures she may have to look forward
to are marriage or spinsterhood.<br />
<br />
As their paths cross and the rivalry between their fathers becomes more
intense, Samuel and Rachel are pushed closer together. Their flourishing
romance is one that will never be allowed. And with both eyeing the
same prize, it’s a romance that seems destined for failure. As their
attraction deepens, danger looms on the other side of the hills, causing
everyone’s secrets to come to light and forcing Samuel and Rachel to
make a decision. Can they join forces to find their quarry, and with it a
new life together, or will old enmities and prejudices keep them from
both the rex and each other?<br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="left" height="305" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/72dadacf-2ece-4731-879c-42b6629b3461.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 305px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 200px;" width="200" />THE FEMALE OF THE SPECIES</i>, Mindy McGinnis: </b>Wow,
this was an edgy read with graphic sexual content, mature themes,
violence, and coarse language—if you’re offended by such things, this
book might not be right for you. However, I really liked it, maybe
because the main character, Alex Craft, was such a damaged badass or
maybe because I did my last 18 months of high school in a small town
similar to the one in the book (I was the outsider city girl)—and I know
how gossipy and tightly knit these communities can be. McGinnis nailed
the almost incestuous atmosphere that comes from a small population,
where everyone knows your business, where your dad probably dated your
best friend’s mom at some point, where getting drunk in the woods is a
common reality passed from generation to generation. Sometimes I
struggle with books in which the story is told from a lot of different
perspectives but McGinnis was adept enough with characterization that I
soon heard the voices of the individual players distinct from one
another. This is a tough skill to master, so kudos to the writer. I
don’t want to spoil anything but the main character’s change from
beginning to end was satisfying, unexpected, and ultimately
heartbreaking.<br />
<br />
<b>Summary</b>: Alex Craft knows how to kill someone. And she
doesn’t feel bad about it. When her older sister, Anna, was murdered
three years ago and the killer walked free, Alex uncaged the language
she knows best. The language of violence.<br />
<br />
While her crime goes unpunished, Alex knows she can’t be trusted among
other people, even in her small hometown. She relegates herself to the
shadows, a girl who goes unseen in plain sight, unremarkable in the high
school hallways.<br />
<br />
But Jack Fisher sees her. He’s the guy all other guys want to be: the
star athlete gunning for valedictorian with the prom queen on his arm.
Guilt over the role he played the night Anna’s body was discovered
hasn’t let him forget Alex over the years, and now her green eyes amid a
constellation of freckles have his attention. He doesn’t want to only
see Alex Craft; he wants to know her.<br />
<br />
So does Peekay, the preacher’s kid, a girl whose identity is entangled
with her dad’s job, though that does not stop her from knowing the taste
of beer or missing the touch of her ex-boyfriend. When Peekay and Alex
start working together at the animal shelter, a friendship forms and
Alex’s protective nature extends to more than just the dogs and cats
they care for.<br />
<br />
Circumstances bring Alex, Jack, and Peekay together as their senior year
unfolds. While partying one night, Alex’s darker nature breaks out,
setting the teens on a collision course that will change their lives
forever.<br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 20px;"><b>And a few “grownup” books too!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
<b><i><img align="left" height="310" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/cabe937b-f85f-4619-82de-a0fb2455ac1e.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 310px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 200px;" width="200" />WHERE’D YOU GO, BERNADETTE?</i>, Maria Semple: </b>A
number of my friends have bugged me for a while to read this—so I
finally did, and what a hoot! Definitely enjoyed the style Semple used
wherein the narrative was relayed through a series of emails, letters,
and other correspondence. And the overlying mystery—where is
Bernadette?—was great fun. These characters will stick with you for a
while. Recommend strongly.<br />
<br />
<b>Summary</b>: Bernadette Fox is notorious. To her
Microsoft-guru husband, she’s a fearlessly opinionated partner; to
fellow private-school mothers in Seattle, she’s a disgrace; to design
mavens, she’s a revolutionary architect, and to 15-year-old Bee, she is a
best friend and, simply, Mom.<br />
<br />
Then Bernadette disappears. It began when Bee aced her report card and
claimed her promised reward: a family trip to Antarctica. But
Bernadette’s intensifying allergy to Seattle—and people in general—has
made her so agoraphobic that a virtual assistant in India now runs her
most basic errands. A trip to the end of the earth is problematic.<br />
<br />
To find her mother, Bee compiles email messages, official documents,
secret correspondence—creating a compulsively readable and touching
novel about misplaced genius and a mother and daughter’s role in an
absurd world.<br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="right" height="305" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/716e6c90-9f71-4dd0-a1cc-ba190b127f7b.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 305px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 200px;" width="200" />LEAVE ME, Gayle Forman</i>: </b>When
I read the summary for this at the bookstore, I knew I had to have it. I
have three kids at home, so life is busy all the time—I’d be a liar if I
didn’t admit to that occasional fantasy that finds me on a plane en
route to a single woman’s life in the rolling hills of Scotland where
I’d be free of carpool, beagle crap, and playdates. In Gayle Forman’s
first novel for adults (she has a successful career as a young adult
author as well), she gives us harried
mom-of-twins-and-overall-superhuman Maribeth Klein who, after a heart
attack and a family who just doesn’t <i>get </i>it, boards a train and
doesn’t look back. Forman is skilled at dissecting the human condition
and feeding it to us in nice bite-sized morsels, and the subplots and
secondary characters are brilliantly drawn.<br />
<br />
My only complaint: While I found myself angry at Maribeth’s family for
not taking better care of her after a catastrophic medical event, and
while I totally understood why she did what she did, the main
character’s attempts to make her financial situation relatable to the
common woman didn’t work for me, i.e., she’s lived in the same NYC
rent-controlled loft for 20 years because she and her husband couldn’t
afford anything else secondary to the exorbitant fees they pay for their
twins’ private school. And yet, when she leaves, she can walk to the
bank and withdraw $25,000 in cash for her “new life.” Meanwhile, those
of us who live in the real world know that if we wanted to leave our
families, we’d end up in a Motel 6 that offers a AAA discount two exits
down and then we’d have to head home the next day, probably with bed
bugs. ;)<br />
<br />
<b>Summary</b>: For every woman who has ever fantasized about
driving past her exit on the highway instead of going home to make
dinner, for every woman who has ever dreamed of boarding a train to a
place where no one needs constant attention—meet Maribeth Klein. A
harried working mother who’s so busy taking care of her husband and
twins, she doesn’t even realize she’s had a heart attack.<br />
<br />
Afterward, surprised to discover that her recuperation seems to be an
imposition on those who rely on her, Maribeth does the unthinkable: She
packs a bag and leaves. But, as is so often the case, once we get to
where we’re going, we see our lives from a different perspective. Far
from the demands of family and career and with the help of liberating
new friendships, Maribeth is finally able to own up to secrets she has
been keeping from those she loves and from herself.<br />
<br />
With big-hearted characters who stumble and trip, grow and forgive,
<i>Leave Me</i> is about facing our fears. Gayle Forman, a dazzling observer of
human nature, has written an irresistible novel that confronts the
ambivalence of modern motherhood head-on.</span><br />
</div>
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<br />
<span style="color: firebrick;"><i><span style="font-size: 24px;"><b>SO MANY BOOKS, SO LITTLE TIME!<br />
<br />
<img align="middle" height="506" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/d31b8b44-b2c4-4ad3-b227-91523547b441.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 506px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 400px;" width="400" /></b></span></i></span></div>
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<br />
<hr />
</div>
<h1 class="null" style="color: #202020; display: block; font-family: Arial; font-size: 34px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0; margin-right: 0; margin-top: 0; text-align: center;">
<br />
<span style="color: firebrick;">And when I'm not reading ...<br />
I'm at the movies!</span></h1>
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</div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px;">Now
that the weather’s changing and the lawn furniture has been tucked away
for another year, it’s time to watch some MOVIES! (And read books. But I
don’t need to tell you that.) As I’ve gone on and on about before, I <u>love</u>
movies. And I always make time to get lost in some cinematic bliss as a
way to unplug and let my brain enjoy someone else’s reality for a
while. Also: movie popcorn is straight-up awesome.</span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px;"><b><i><img align="left" height="201" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/6d848dc3-7944-478c-a796-760c081f8486.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 201px; line-height: 100%; margin: 0px 10px 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 126px;" width="126" />STAR TREK BEYOND,</i> </b>because Husband worked on it! I’m not a Trekkie myself (I’m more a <i>Star Wars</i> enthusiast), but once you let go a little and immerse yourself in the tech talk of the <i>Star Trek</i> environment (and forget that Dr. McCoy (Karl Urban) is also Eomer from <i>Lord of the Rings</i>!),
the dialogue is funny and the characters are likable. You can’t go
wrong with Simon Pegg (who cowrote and stars in the film), and like I
said, Husband spent a lot of grueling summer days working on those sets
so of course we had to see it. It was fun—recommend!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="right" height="207" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/6d8bebf4-54e5-42ad-8896-92d9c20c5ba9.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 207px; line-height: 100%; margin: 0px 10px 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 136px;" width="136" />JASON BOURNE</i>: </b><i>Meh</i>.
I love Jason Bourne. But this one didn’t bring us anything new, and in
fact, the first 10-15 minutes felt like we were watching an acting
workshop. I’m going to venture a guess that Julia Stiles wasn’t pleased
about what they did to her character because she <i>totally</i> called this in. I like Stiles—she’s terrific in earlier Bourne installments as well as <i>Ten Things I Hate About You</i> and <i>Silver Linings Playbook </i>(one
of my all-time favorite films), but this performance was lackluster at
best. If you’re a Bourne fan, you’ll watch this anyway but if not,
you’re not missing much—well, except maybe a hunky Matt Damon without
his shirt. That was not hard to look at. Love you, Matty!<br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="left" height="218" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/fde7bc61-3902-413e-b6db-ea46f6cdd43a.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 218px; line-height: 100%; margin: 0px 10px 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 140px;" width="140" />BEN-HUR</i>: </b><i>Ouch</i>.
I wanted to love this one because of the casting choices—Jack Huston
and Toby Kebbell are two actors who are going to explode in the next few
years (and is it horrible that I was lusting after the delicious
Rodrigo Santoro as Jesus? I’m such a heathen. Fans of <i>Love Actually </i>will
recognize Santoro as the hot dude Laura Linney’s character never seals
the deal with because of her needy brother—MOST frustrating storyline
EVER!!!). Unfortunately, this flick just didn’t have the oomph it needed
to make a box office splash. It felt more like a TV movie; the script
felt disjointed and the way the film was sold in the trailers (two
brothers settling an old fight with one another in a chariot race to the
death) … yeah, that’s not what the story is about, really, and the
whole thing felt disingenuous. Seems I’m not the only one who thought
that; of its $100M production budget, the film has only grossed $26M in
ticket sales. Yikes. (If you want a <i>Ben-Hur</i> fix, watch the 1959
original.) The ONE REDEMPTION OF THIS FILM: the fantastic score by
Marco Beltrami. If you’re a score junkie like I am, check this one out.<br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="right" height="267" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/c9342b1e-8cf1-4c42-9468-f9bd24af471a.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 267px; line-height: 100%; margin: 0px 10px 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 180px;" width="180" />BRIDGET JONES’S BABY</i>: </b>I
LAUGHED SO MUCH! I seriously was not expecting much from the
resurrection of this series, especially after what I’d heard about the
latest Bridget Jones book from Helen Fielding (I didn’t read it, guys—no
Mark Darcy? WHAT?). I enjoyed the first <i>Bridget Jones</i> film but
didn’t fall for the sequels, so I went to the theatre with pretty low
expectations. (And my darling Husband was one of only two guys in the
whole theatre, so thanks, GareBear! What a guy …) This film picks up ten years later with a still-goofy Bridget who has matured *a little* but she's still that silly thing we love from her earlier days. Colin Firth is back as the stuffy but stunning Mr. Darcy; the love triangle is completed by McDreamy himself, Patrick Dempsey. It's a fun way to spend two hours with some hilarious, over-the-top moments--exactly what we love about these rom-coms! And I don't care what the paparazzi says: Renee Zellweger has never looked better or more herself. Totally recommend!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px;"> <br />
<b><i><img align="left" height="255" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/352afda2-3758-48b6-ad54-fe08e23df176.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 255px; line-height: 100%; margin: 0px 10px 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 178px;" width="178" />FREE STATE OF JONES</i>: </b>Wow. <i>Wow</i>.
I love that Matthew McConaughey is doing so many important films where
he brings to light more than his six-pack. This is definitely one of
them. Helmed by director Gary Ross (who we haven’t seen since 2012’s <i>Hunger Games</i>),
this film was equal parts beautiful and heartbreaking, especially
because it’s based on a true story—we were still talking about it the
next day. This entry deserves the official summary:<br />
<br />
<i>Set during the Civil War, Free State of Jones tells the story of
defiant Southern farmer, Newt Knight, and his extraordinary armed
rebellion against the Confederacy. Banding together with other small
farmers and local slaves, Knight launched an uprising that led Jones
County, Mississippi to secede from the Confederacy, creating a Free
State of Jones. Knight continued his struggle into Reconstruction,
distinguishing him as a compelling, if controversial, figure of defiance
long beyond the War. </i><br />
<br />
If I were a teacher, I would make <i>Free State of Jones </i>part of
my curriculum. This film serves as a beautiful testament to the human
spirit when righteousness stands up to unfathomable hatred, even in the
face of severe retribution. For those of us who naively thought life was
improved for Black Americans in the 1800s after the Thirteenth
Amendment was passed? Wrong x infinity. Wholeheartedly recommend.<br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="right" height="245" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/ed7060a2-69d3-4ee9-859a-a450aef35ef6.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 245px; line-height: 100%; margin: 0px 10px 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 165px;" width="165" />THE NICE GUYS</i>: </b>Probably my favorite film of the year so far—and it hasn’t gotten NEARLY the attention it deserves. With a summary like this—<i>A mismatched pair of private eyes investigate the apparent suicide of a porn star in 1970s Los Angeles</i>—how
can you go wrong? The on-screen chemistry with Ryan Gosling and Russell
Crowe is undeniable, and writer-director Shane Black’s dialogue and
comedy had us laughing consistently throughout the film. Angourie Rice,
the fabulous young actress who plays Gosling’s daughter, nearly steals
the show from her older, more seasoned counterparts. This film was so
much fun that I asked for it on DVD for my birthday and have since
watched it again to pick up the stuff I missed the first time around.
Super loved it. (P.S. Don’t watch with the littles in the room … fair
warning.)<br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="left" height="239" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/faf0756a-fe55-46f9-80bd-ab67cfc7ac4f.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 239px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px 10px 0px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 150px;" width="150" />HUNTSMAN: WINTER’S WAR</i>: </b>I was a fan of the first <i>Snow White and the Huntsman</i>
film (it also has a terrific score by James Newton Howard), and as much
as I love the actors in this installment (Jessica Chastain, Emily
Blunt, Charlize Theron, and yes, yummy Chris Hemsworth (<i>Thor</i>)) …
this film just did not come together for me. Blunt and Theron are
sisters set against one another pretty early on, but the ongoing
vengeance theme got lost in the mire of too much going on. Less is
more—which is why the first film worked. One bad guy vs. Snow White.
Here we have two bad guys who are also at war with one another, and two
good guys who are also in love with one another but are also fighting
that love, and it was just overly complicated. Have a watch yourself and
see what you think. Personally, I wouldn’t watch it again, but it’s
never a waste of time to watch Chastain and Hemsworth smooch on screen.
;)<br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="right" height="208" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/6cdfd5e7-5f32-4228-a4a3-ca3222edc262.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 208px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px 10px 0px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 140px;" width="140" />MAGNIFICENT 7</i>: </b>While
I’m not a huge fan of westerns, I do like Denzel Washington, Chris
Pratt, and Ethan Hawke, and Antoine Fuqua is a terrific filmmaker—so I
went for it. The storyline is pretty much what you'd expect it to be:
bad guy terrorizes small town, bounty hunter comes to help and recruits a
motley crew of gun-slinging, whiskey-swilling, tabacky-chewing
assassins to defend the terrorized folks, big battle with lots of guns
ensues. Fun times! The story didn’t spend too much energy on backstories
for the main characters—just little peeks here and there—so it was hard
to get attached to any one of them singularly, but come on, we always
want good to defeat evil (and Peter Sarsgaard is SO good at evil in this
one!). Denzel is his usual calm, cool, collected badass self (check him
out in <i>The Equalizer</i> if you haven’t already, another Fuqua
film), and who among us isn’t a sucker for that Chris Pratt side-smile?
It was a fun night at the movies so check this out when it comes to DVD
or OnDemand.<br />
<br />
<b><i><img align="left" height="236" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/d3606259-f9e4-4849-9092-9c18c481705e.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 236px; line-height: 100%; margin: 0px 10px 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 150px;" width="150" />WARCRAFT</i>: </b>Husband
worked on this one too but we were disappointed by the result. The
story was all over the place—too many storylines intersecting one
another and the casting choices were, to be frank, bizarre. The main
male lead (Travis Fimmel) is the dude from the hit TV show <i>Vikings</i>
(which is on my list to catch up on!), and he wasn’t bad, but the story
where he and Paula Patton’s half-human/half-orc fall in love basically
40 seconds after meeting? Yeah. That fell flat. The CG characters
weren’t the best I’ve seen, despite the fact that this was a HUGE
project with a massive $160M budget (some estimates say it was even
higher than that). The gossip around the movie people is that Blizzard
Entertainment basically had a chokehold over this film—which sucks,
because Blizzard makes video games and does not specialize in
filmmaking, two very separate art forms. Also, director Duncan Jones is
David Bowie’s son, and so I hate to bash this film because, let's be
honest, he's had a shit year with his dad passing away. With that said
(apologies to Mr. Duncan), I’d skip this one, unless you’re a hardcore
fan of the video game.</span><br />
<br />
<b><img align="left" height="283" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/2cfaf954-fc9c-4f39-9872-fdffe5f91a3d.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 283px; line-height: 100%; margin: 0px 10px 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 200px;" width="200" /><span style="font-size: 18px;">OH! And as an added bonus, we went to see my #1 Muse and Boyfriend, Mark Strong, in a cinecast of the Arthur Miller play, <i>A VIEW FROM THE BRIDGE,</i></span></b><span style="font-size: 18px;"><b> as performed by the National Theatre at the Young Vic in London.</b></span><b><span style="font-size: 18px;"><i> </i><br />
<br />
It's a really cool program wherein the National Theatre records the live stage performance <i> </i>and
then offers the play to cinemas around the world. I have been looking
forward to seeing this for MONTHS, and my darling Mr. Strong did NOT
disappoint!</span></b><br />
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<br />
<br />
<span style="color: darkorange;"><span style="font-size: 22px;"><b>What are YOUR favorite films? Anything you can recommend? Anything you're looking forward to this fall/winter (<i>ROGUE ONE</i>, ahem)?</b></span></span></div>
<h3 class="null" style="color: #202020; display: block; font-family: Arial; font-size: 26px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0; margin-right: 0; margin-top: 0; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 18px;"><b><span style="color: black;"> </span></b></span><br />
</h3>
<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-13946717717505103292016-10-24T12:55:00.001-07:002016-10-24T12:55:51.910-07:00Movie and Book Wrap-up, Summer 2016 ...<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Of all the things in the world to do, among my very favorites: going to the
movies. I love the surround sound, the huge screen, the comfy seats,
the popcorn (!!!). Yeah, sure, there are those morons who talk too much
or pull out their phones, but when that opening scroll starts up for
Universal or Village Roadshow or MGM or 20th Century Fox, well, my
imagination catches fire. There’s just something about the movies that
makes everything else okay. And right now, with the world in that
hell-bound hand basket folks talk so much about, a little escapism goes a
long way.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">This entry is excerpted from my <a href="http://elizagordon.us7.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=e60b51287709280c12539e002&id=ccc20018cd" target="_blank">Eliza Gordon newsletter</a> <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">from</span> summer 2016 and includes a
movie wrap-up of some popular films I managed to squeeze into my
eyeballs, both at the theatre and from the comfort of my
not-so-comfortable couch. Maybe you haven't seen these yet, and with the Long Dark coming at us, movies are a great way to pass the time. Because movies are awesome!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
Let's begin:</span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="color: #505050; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 15px;"><i><b><img align="left" height="180" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/c5b49a18-3708-40a4-a7f4-753d59fa1ca0.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: auto; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" width="121" /><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Captain America: Civil War</span></span></b></i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
– Team Winter Soldier forevah! Love me some Bucky Barnes. Fun movie but
I’m a Team DC Comics girl, I think. Solid story and in fact, it
provided some great talking points when I was engaged with the middle
schoolers (see below) about what makes a protagonist vs. antagonist.
Suffice it to say, you’re either Team Cap or Team Iron Man. Who will you
choose?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><b>Black Mass</b></i>: Johnny Depp is creepy as hell in
this but the movie never really got off the ground for me. None of the
characters evolved; they were just sorta the same from start to finish.
Solid performances, though—Depp is always strong when he’s playing
someone a little weird (and evil). And I love Joel Edgerton. Check him
out if he’s new to you.</span></span><br />
<br />
<i><b><img align="right" height="209" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/d867a6c7-d306-46be-a9e1-86cbf7807da5.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 209px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 140px;" width="140" /><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The 5<sup>th</sup> Wave</span></span></b></i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">: I <b>so</b>
wanted to like this film as I love YA (young adult) books and films and
Chloe Grace Moretz is one of my favorite young actresses working today.
Kid’s got moxie. But despite a strong start and a believable
performance from Moretz, the film splits itself in two when it follows a
predictable military storyline with a completely different character
(Nick Robinson) who crosses paths with our hero, Cassie, in a manner WAY
too convenient. Things become predictable, and Cassie isn’t the one who
saves the day in the end. It’s not great this film didn’t do better (it
made $35M gross, shy of earning back its $38M budget) because that
means we likely won’t see author Rick Yancey’s sequels make it to the
big screen—which sort of sucks because the film ends on a relative
cliffhanger and I'd like to see Cassie step up and save the world.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><b>Deadpool</b></i>: RAUNCHY and HILARIOUS. I waited
until this was OnDemand and man, it is so freaking funny. Ryan Reynolds
is adorable, a natural comedian, and the supporting cast is all kinds of
fun. Super inappropriate for the underage crowd, so do NOT let your
little ones watch it!</span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #505050; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 150%; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="color: #505050; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;"><i><b><img align="left" height="185" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/abc7b3ce-25a9-4f20-a026-406179458644.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: auto; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" width="125" /></b></i></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><b>Me Before You</b></i>: OH MAN, I love Emilia Clarke and Sam Claflin! I loved this book (by Jojo Moyes) and its sequel (<i>AFTER YOU</i>,
which I found so satisfying). It takes a lot to get me to cry in a
movie so I held steady with this but the theatre was filled with
sniffles. It was awesome to see Clarke’s range, considering I know her
best as Daenerys Targaryen/Mother of Dragons, and any time Sam Claflin
is on a screen, I’m all in. (Check him out in <i>LOVE, ROSIE</i>, the adorable 2014 adaptation of Cecelia Ahern’s charming novel, co-starring Lily Collins.)<br />
<br />
<b><i>Gods of Egypt</i></b>: Just because you employ some of
Hollywood’s best-looking leading men does NOT mean your film will
succeed. Marco Beltrami's soundtrack for this is good but honestly, the
white-washing of Egyptian history, the scattershot storyline, and the
haphazard CGI makes this one to skip.</span><br />
</span></div>
<div style="color: #505050; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;"><i><b><img align="left" height="151" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/4816ed92-8ac1-4150-80eb-b68b8ef4dd5e.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: auto; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" width="96" /></b></i></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><b>13 Hours</b></i>:
This ain’t the Jim from The Office you remember. John Krazinski is
beefy and militarized in this taut but sometimes on-the-nose biopic
about the attack on the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi, Libya, in 2012, in
which four Americans were killed (including Ambassador Chris Stevens).
Solid military film, if not edging into cliche tropes, which has
absolutely nothing to do with the actual event and everything to do with
slippery screenwriting.<br />
<br />
<i><b>Sisters</b></i>: Hilarious! Can’t go wrong with Tina
Fey and Amy Poehler. You’ll cringe at what they do to their poor
parents’ house but you’ll wish you had a sister that crazy and cool by
film’s end. Not their funniest turn in front of the camera but we
definitely had a good night of laughs, which is the point, right?</span><br />
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div style="color: #505050; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><b><img align="right" height="209" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/e0cba118-7dd0-498d-8d04-0749b94659d9.png" style="border: 0px none; display: inline; height: 209px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: medium none; text-decoration: none; width: 140px;" width="140" /></b></i></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i><b>Central Intelligence</b></i>:
MY BEEFY BEAUTIFUL BOYFRIEND IS IN THIS, so how could it go wrong?
Dwayne The Rock Johnson and Kevin Hart are so fun together, and though I
went in with few expectations, I came out with a Rock-sized smile.
Super fun. You’ll leave hoping that your Sixteen Candles moment isn’t
far behind! ;)<br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><b>Batman v. Superman – Ultimate Edition</b></i>: FUN!
Lots of extra details that were deleted from the theatrical version.
Adds about 30 minutes to the film but diehard fans will enjoy every
second … especially that bathtub scene that is about five seconds more
and shows Henry skin. Oooh la la. </span></span><span style="font-size: small;">Oh, and a brief shower scene with Batfleck. Batfleck Buns for the win.</span></span><span style="font-size: 14px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: small;">
Nice to see Jena Malone's (brief) addition to the film; I found a lot
of the material added to this version filled in the gaps in my
understanding of the storyline.</span><br />
</span></span><br />
<i><b><img align="left" height="180" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/db2fa86a-eb8c-4e19-a980-c5ac84967f09.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: auto; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" width="119" /></b></i></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i><b>Tarzan</b></i>: Umm, abs, anyone? Again, I didn’t go in with high expectations. <i>TARZAN</i>
has been movie’d to death, but I actually found myself enamored with
this one. Yeah, suspend disbelief for a while because the physics don’t
always work with what a human body is capable of, but if that human body
is a shirtless Alexander Skarsgård, well, it’s worth the price of
admission. Christoph Waltz is menacing as usual (I’d like to see that
guy play a nice-guy role ...) and Margot Robbie is a tough beauty with a
likeable backstory. And the soundtrack by Rupert Gregson-Williams is <u>gorgeous</u>.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="color: #505050; font-size: 14px; line-height: 150%; text-align: left;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="color: #505050; font-size: 14px; line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><b><i><img align="right" height="179" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/918e870b-7192-4842-a505-758cec130943.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: auto; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" width="112" /></i></b></span><span style="font-size: small;"><b><i>Secret Life of Pets</i></b>:
A fun afternoon spent with my 11-year-old that was not short on laughs.
This film runs at a breakneck pace that might exhaust younger viewers
but they’ll be so enamored with the tiny angry bunny, Snowball (Kevin
Hart!) and the brave heroes—Max, Duke, Gidget, Chloe—that giggles are
assured all the way through. There was a daycare at the theatre the day
we went, and those kids howled. Recommend!</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #505050; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 150%; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="color: #505050; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;"><i><b><img align="left" height="209" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/2bb12b93-4f85-45f4-8609-51d035328053.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 209px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 140px;" width="140" /></b></i></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i><b>Ghostbusters</b></i>:
This film—OH MY GHOSTS—so much fun that we’re going to see it again. I
LOVE HOLTZMANN!!! It has just the right mix of camp and crazy that
you’ll bust a gut laughing. Fun cameos, ghoulish ghouls, and all the
slime you could ask for. Plus you can’t go wrong with Melissa McCarthy
and Kristen Wiig, two of my FAVORITE comedic actors, but this reboot
absolutely sparkles with the fierce talent of SNL’s Kate McKinnon and
Leslie Jones, who sort of steal the show, TBH. Believe the good hype:
this film rocks. And for those haters, well, let them go find something
else to hate on.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div style="color: #505050; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 150%; text-align: left;">
<br />
</div>
<hr />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: indigo;"><span style="font-size: 30px;">AND NOW, books!</span></span></span></h3>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
<br />
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">When I'm not watching movies, I read, as
much as I possibly can. When I'm deep in my own writing projects, I need
to read to fill the word reservoir. Books have the same effect on my
brain that the movies do, and I love working a long day and getting all
the family stuff out of the way so I can FINALLY curl up and get lost in
someone else's words for a while. Plus I read across genres, depending
on my mood, so there's always something for everyone to latch on to in
my recommendations.</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br /><span style="font-size: large;">
These last few months, I've read ...</span></span></div>
<br />
<i><b><img align="left" height="170" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/32998287-1613-4a9b-89d8-c9558c950970.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: auto; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" width="108" /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">THE THREE</span></span></b></i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><span style="font-size: large;">,
Sarah Lotz (thriller): Creepy and weird but it held me all the way to
the end. Lotz will keep you guessing, and I love that in a thriller.
It's told in brief chapters of interviews and news reports, so for folks
who want a linear narrative, this might not work for you. But the
creative way the author has woven multiple storylines into the main
theme is remarkable. For fans of the TV show <i>LOST</i> and books by Stephen King.</span> <br />
<i><b><img align="right" height="161" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/d0535dc9-1d97-4cdd-9a8d-f6f26a40bc92.png" style="border: 0px none; display: inline; height: auto; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: medium none; text-decoration: none;" width="107" /><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">HIGHLY ILLOGICAL BEHAVIOR</span></b></i><span style="font-size: large;">, John Corey Whaley (YA):
Heartfelt coming-of-age story about a 16-year-old agoraphobic named
Solomon. Very well done—a compelling read. These characters were
relatable and interesting, as is common with every Whaley project. Have a
look.</span></span><br />
</span><br />
<i><b><img align="left" height="214" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/2c5e14b8-9ba3-4ba6-a8e1-9bee0495fcd7.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 214px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 140px;" width="140" /><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">THE SERPENT KING</span></span></b></i><span style="font-size: 15px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">,
Jeff Zentner (YA): <u><b>Loved this one</b></u>. About three best friends from very
divergent backgrounds in rural Tennessee. You will fall in love with and
root for Travis, Dill, and Lydia—and you won’t see that shocking turn
of events that will undo everything, altering the future for our beloved
characters. As I've never been to Tennessee, it was awesome to see the
setting play just as much of a role as the characters themselves;
fascinating part of the world, and native Zentner does his home state
justice in his delicious descriptions.</span></span><br />
<i><b><img align="right" height="149" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/7ec1149c-c0df-439d-9835-03f20148be81.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: auto; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" width="113" /><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">FINDING FRASER</span></span></b></i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">, kc dyer (contemporary romance): For fans of Diana Gabaldon’s <i>OUTLANDER</i>,
this is a must-read. It is so fun! A little slow in the opening
chapters but once Emma Sheridan gets to Scotland in search of her own
Jamie Fraser, the pages turn themselves. Funny, heartfelt, and charming.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 15px;"><b><i><img align="left" height="212" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/e60b51287709280c12539e002/images/f946e3ba-dcb5-4eec-8e92-c465ed7d1455.png" style="border: 0; display: inline; height: 212px; line-height: 100%; margin: 10px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 140px;" width="140" /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">GIRL of FIRE and THORNS, CROWN of EMBERS, THE BITTER KINGDOM</span></span></i></b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">,
trilogy by Rae Carson (YA): I needed a good YA fantasy, and this series
did not fail to deliver. Friends have been telling me about this one
for a few years but I had a hard time finding it on store shelves (and
then I'd forget to order it online!). I read the first book in two days
and immediately went to the bookstore for the rest of the trilogy
(thankfully, they were in stock! Miracles do happen, people!). Find
yourself falling for Elisa and her colorful cast of characters, some
friend, some foe, and all of them intriguing, well-drawn figures, a
testament to Carson’s skill. Also check out her gorgeous book <i>WALK ON EARTH A STRANGER</i> about a girl who can divine gold hidden in the earth; the sequel, <i>LIKE A RIVER GLORIOUS</i>, came out September 27.</span></span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
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What are you reading? Any recommendations for me?</h3>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-11749826375154532232014-12-09T17:04:00.000-08:002014-12-09T17:47:28.606-08:00HO HO HO - Who Likes Middle-Grade Books?<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It's THAT TIME OF YEAR again (like you needed me to tell you). The mall parking lots are totally overwhelmed with morons who don't know how to drive, their angry faces throwing shade (and worse) at each other for the spot closest to the food court entrance. The television blasts Christmas programming interspersed with ear-splitting ads for must-have toys and gadgets that the kiddies will break/grow tired of thirty-one-point-two minutes after opening. The neighbors put up their Griswold Christmas-worthy lights and then launch preemptive strikes to outdo one another. Monday night, Neighbor 1 adds two strands around the naked maple tree; Tuesday, Neighbor 2 adds THREE strands to their fir tree and a blow-up snowman on the porch; Wednesday night, Neighbor 1 is again on the ladder with FIVE more strands, TEN of those light-up candy cane thingies stabbed into the yard, and two motorized, light-up wicker reindeer. By the time Friday rolls around, you have to put on sunglasses just to go into the kitchen for a glass of water. The glare -- it burns us. Don't blame Canada if there are power shortages this Christmas.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And the food -- don't get me started on the food. Every year, I'm like, okay, I will be calm with the cookie eating this year. I am a grown-up. I have self-control. And every year, I get so excited about the cookies that I have special pants to wear just for the months of November and December. WHY DOES CHRISTMAS TASTE SO GOOD? If Christmas would just taste like broccoli, I wouldn't need the special pants. Also, if someone could make broccoli taste like a cookie, that would be way better.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">ANYWAY: You have readers. Young readers. Middle grade readers. For whom YOU NEED BOOKS. So, on with the show, then, Rambling Jenn.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Here are our top recommendations for this year's middle grade books, chosen by everyone's favorite curly-haired, book-loving chap, KennyG.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">OUR MIDDLE-GRADE RECOMMENDED READS </span></span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">FOR 2014</span></span></h2>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(P.S. No, we have not read *all* of these. But most. Some are still sitting on the shelf, waiting their turn. And some of these were not published in 2014. We just happened upon them during this calendar year. Oh, also, the summaries were taken from Amazon.</span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>THE UNWANTEDS - series by Lisa McMann</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">(***Kendon's FAVORITE SERIES EVER!***) </span></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Books 1 through 4 available now; Book 5, <i>Island of Shipwrecks </i>due Feb. 3, 2015 </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4xnVFhisPz8tYVrDCtHDAEI97cupH_D-3lG5HVOaQQYHqavuZ-o1RaZjmh_ULHuCz-wiMzXziZcLnXnW5r_FSQOzX-I7I2fRVuaf4-WBZwLtU6V-se_8_yBLlMNoq5FCRDaR7Vq_KAbA/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.17.03+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4xnVFhisPz8tYVrDCtHDAEI97cupH_D-3lG5HVOaQQYHqavuZ-o1RaZjmh_ULHuCz-wiMzXziZcLnXnW5r_FSQOzX-I7I2fRVuaf4-WBZwLtU6V-se_8_yBLlMNoq5FCRDaR7Vq_KAbA/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.17.03+PM.png" height="148" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> <b> </b></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Quill prevails when the strong survive</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Every year in Quill, thirteen-year-olds are sorted into categories:
the strong, intelligent Wanteds go to university, and the artistic
Unwanteds are sent to their graves.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">On the day of the Purge, identical twins Alex and Aaron Stowe await
their fate. While Aaron is hopeful of becoming a Wanted, Alex knows his
chances are slim. He's been caught drawing with a stick in the dirt-and
in the stark gray land of Quill, being creative is a death sentence.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But when Alex and the other Unwanteds face the Eliminators, they
discover an eccentric magician named Mr. Today and his hidden world that
exists to save the condemned children. Artimé is a colorful place of
talking statues, uncommon creatures, and artistic magic, where
creativity is considered a gift ... and a weapon.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">~~~</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>THE BOUNDLESS, by Kenneth Oppel</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>
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</b></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilyWaF1yJYbM132EHnW8nJ9hMr4agEoZFh_sCYg8yNoXwhV7amwS7tqAk9zkw3RVbvYSoOXjh2r8lrq4rmNJm5iOMoZJJvD_fw_bhCrndlWN5G_Th_Vn5wU6Ij7sO0tpDD740ScePy8Jg/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.45.51+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilyWaF1yJYbM132EHnW8nJ9hMr4agEoZFh_sCYg8yNoXwhV7amwS7tqAk9zkw3RVbvYSoOXjh2r8lrq4rmNJm5iOMoZJJvD_fw_bhCrndlWN5G_Th_Vn5wU6Ij7sO0tpDD740ScePy8Jg/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.45.51+PM.png" height="320" width="215" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Will Everett always wished for an
adventure … but he wasn’t expecting it to start the moment he boarded the
Boundless, the largest and most magnificent train ever built. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">After a murder is committed, Will finds
himself in possession of a key that has the potential to unlock the train’s
hidden treasures. Together with Maren, a gifted escape artist, and Mr. Dorian,
a circus ringmaster with amazing abilities, Will must save the Boundless before
someone else winds up dead. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">With villains fast on his heels and
strange creatures lurking outside the windows, the train hurtles across the
country as Will flees for his life. His adventure may have begun without his
knowing … but how it ends is now entirely up to Will.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>~~~ </b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>THE ABILITY, by M. M. Vaughn</b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(We shared this one last year, but the sequel is out -- see below -- so it's a good reminder!) <b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7kXy4c5Vua9hwLg-_3-iTYkUSyq4Wkgx3SK2NMuSyAKU4Sn6gEm7kWDxfbvcXqsEoiNHxRUJqeVpRxbWArTMTw4QaA4tSs2oUFCf8mDchyphenhyphenQhE2u6XabKhcrArCKVqy08Hfm-KT6upMlQ/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.19.09+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7kXy4c5Vua9hwLg-_3-iTYkUSyq4Wkgx3SK2NMuSyAKU4Sn6gEm7kWDxfbvcXqsEoiNHxRUJqeVpRxbWArTMTw4QaA4tSs2oUFCf8mDchyphenhyphenQhE2u6XabKhcrArCKVqy08Hfm-KT6upMlQ/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.19.09+PM.png" height="320" width="209" /></a><span lang="EN-US">Delve into the extraordinary abilities of
the twelve-year-old mind in this “fast-paced, superhero-tinged spy novel” (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Publishers Weekly</i>), the thrilling start
to a middle grade series that expands the possibilities of power.<br />
<br />
No one has any confidence in twelve-year-old Christopher Lane. His teachers
discount him as a liar and a thief, and his mom doesn’t have the energy to deal
with him. But a mysterious visit from the Ministry of Education indicates that
Chris might have some potential after all: He is invited to attend the
prestigious Myers Holt Academy.<br />
<br />
When Christopher begins at his new school, he is astounded at what he can do.
It seems that age twelve is a special time for the human brain, which is
capable of remarkable feats—as also evidenced by Chris’s peers Ernest and
Mortimer Genever, who, at the direction of their vengeful and manipulative
mother, are testing the boundaries of the human mind.<br />
<br />
But all this experimentation has consequences, and Chris soon finds himself
forced to face them—or his new life will be over before it can begin.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDKbLMN9Z77_p_42koNNK_ksiO96qnK4aEIfkqAb0eREhRPM41YIu5yJPXpNiYBwtXclrTZb4M6KS73DwVUtsOQf5zDG5-euNKvmLmNacXEISyk_XtSLsP0l8CyDRMN2YKDKAk3zntd8o/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.19.35+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDKbLMN9Z77_p_42koNNK_ksiO96qnK4aEIfkqAb0eREhRPM41YIu5yJPXpNiYBwtXclrTZb4M6KS73DwVUtsOQf5zDG5-euNKvmLmNacXEISyk_XtSLsP0l8CyDRMN2YKDKAk3zntd8o/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.19.35+PM.png" height="320" width="210" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><b>MINDSCAPE (ABILITY BOOK 2), by M. M. Vaughn</b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><b>
<style>
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</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Telekinetic preteens use their powers for
good—and evil—in this mind-bending sequel to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Ability</i>, which <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Publishers
Weekly</i> called a “fast-paced, superhero-tinged spy novel.”</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Everywhere that Christopher Lane turns, he sees the face of the boy he killed.
There is no escape from the guilt, not even on his return to Myers Holt—the
secret London academy where he and five others are being trained to use their
mental powers, their Ability.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But now that the threat of Dulcia Genever has been dealt with, his friends are
too busy working for the police, entering the minds of some of the country’s
most dangerous criminals, to sympathize. Chris’s teachers are already concerned
enough about him, especially when Chris starts to wonder if the boy may not be
a figment of his imagination after all.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Meanwhile, alone in Darkwhisper Manor, Ernest Genever is enjoying watching
Chris’s torment. Yes, he will keep his promise—Christopher Lane will die—but
not until he has watched Chris lose his mind waiting for Ernest to appear. For,
if nothing else, Dulcia Genever did teach her son one valuable lesson:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Revenge is a dish best served cold. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><b>~~~</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><b> <br /><span style="font-size: large;">JUST JAKE, by <a href="http://justjake.com/about.html" target="_blank">Jake Marcionette</a></span></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6uGQHq_HuqIF30Nt60KsIMaSZXB1gcRQeMmzye9FEdereqRRujRTHOW84yaf4BcobzVMYlkzqmAjxF1khYzhPEEgdAlWLNiBtPb-g-bqjjqjIScb2Yq7fj2lvkgMP6ZV3Yqq6TyP8VM4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.31.14+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6uGQHq_HuqIF30Nt60KsIMaSZXB1gcRQeMmzye9FEdereqRRujRTHOW84yaf4BcobzVMYlkzqmAjxF1khYzhPEEgdAlWLNiBtPb-g-bqjjqjIScb2Yq7fj2lvkgMP6ZV3Yqq6TyP8VM4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.31.14+PM.png" height="320" width="232" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><i><b>Note: This book is written by a KID! Jake was 12 when he wrote the first installment. Very cool!</b></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><i>JUST JAKE</i> introduces readers to sixth-grader Jake, whose life is
turned upside down when his family moves from Florida to Maryland, where
Jake must adapt to a new school. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US">Jake has always ranked the kids at
school in his hand-made, humorous “Kid Cards,” and when he arrives at
his new school, Jake starts building a new collection, befriending as
many people as he can while staying under the radar from the school
bully. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US">But what happens when the school bully decides Jake's next in
line for annihilation and his Kid Cards get into the wrong hands?!!</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><i>JUST JAKE</i> is
a genuine—and as Jake himself would say, AWESOME!—world of school,
family, friends, and teachers; it’s the product of a writer talented
well beyond his years.<b> </b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><b>And March 2015 will bring us <i>JUST JAKE #2, DOG EAT DOG:</i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq5y2GbfBTltrbDhUE1dzcJmL5Vp-ycFLoUFKHPw_1mKFuQ_mfiMU7jGWwRpVjJpe_s4p1EIWOn6fWI70hTjBRvZj35WsnAmO2czopJe_Oy11ML9FsWvtsNd4A1wpWZlZ30KWW_cdKi_0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.33.40+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq5y2GbfBTltrbDhUE1dzcJmL5Vp-ycFLoUFKHPw_1mKFuQ_mfiMU7jGWwRpVjJpe_s4p1EIWOn6fWI70hTjBRvZj35WsnAmO2czopJe_Oy11ML9FsWvtsNd4A1wpWZlZ30KWW_cdKi_0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.33.40+PM.png" height="320" width="242" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US">Sixth grader Jake Ali Mathews is slowly climbing his way back up the
ladder of popularity. Increasingly settled in his new school and with a
great new best friend, Michael, everything seems to be going okay for
Jake. Until Jake's beloved teacher, Mrs. Pilsner, has a baby and the
students in Jake's homeroom are handed off to the super-scary
substitute, Ms. Cane. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US">Rather than teach through traditional methods,
Ms. Cane decides to have these go-getters help her with a fledgling
pet-grooming company. Dogs, cats, and more get bathed, popularity
struggles become boardroom struggles, and Jake's friendship with Michael
is tested. Even Jake's diabolical sister, Alexis, gets in on the
puppy-cleaning action and hilarity ensues. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US">But will Jake's brand of
AWESOMENESS be enough to clean up this furry mess? </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><b><i> </i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><b><i>~~~</i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><b>SISTERS, by Raina Telgemeier</b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ8_A2Kb4tdXyhJcMxg7aTe_rLLjAjS1CGNR78CZ_eRJFVbjv_0FY8ftC1fWNhSIkqrMnzCqv-MT1nFszfhPzKkTE4eNwRl1o9HNDWfogOVRlvG908BxLqbR8zXNCz2hhqrGDE9hFsOko/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.38.20+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ8_A2Kb4tdXyhJcMxg7aTe_rLLjAjS1CGNR78CZ_eRJFVbjv_0FY8ftC1fWNhSIkqrMnzCqv-MT1nFszfhPzKkTE4eNwRl1o9HNDWfogOVRlvG908BxLqbR8zXNCz2hhqrGDE9hFsOko/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.38.20+PM.png" height="320" width="216" /></a></span></div>
<div id="iframeContent">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>The companion to Raina Telgemeier's #1 <i>New York Times</i> bestselling and Eisner Award-winning graphic memoir, <i>Smile</i>.</b></span></div>
<div id="iframeContent">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b> </span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Raina can't wait to be a big sister. But once Amara is born, things
aren't quite how she expected them to be. Amara is cute, but she's also a
cranky, grouchy baby, and mostly prefers to play by herself. Their
relationship doesn't improve much over the years, but when a baby
brother enters the picture and later, something doesn't seem right
between their parents, they realize they must figure out how to get
along. They are sisters, after all. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Raina uses her signature
humour and charm in both present-day narrative and perfectly placed
flashbacks to tell the story of her relationship with her sister, which
unfolds during the course of a road trip from their home in San
Francisco to a family reunion in Colorado.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">~~~</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>KEEPER OF THE LOST CITIES #3: EVERBLAZE, </b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>by <a href="http://ramblingsofawannabescribe.blogspot.ca/" target="_blank">Shannon Messenger</a></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>Note: </b>This is a fantastic series -- and Shannon Messenger is a VERY cool human being<b> -- </b>so interactive with her young fans. In addition to being a</i><i>n author for middle grade and young adult fiction, she is also an artist. Be sure to check out her <a href="http://society6.com/shannonmessenger" target="_blank">Society 6 page</a>!</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwRB3ktDsxmRrRQ87JjqP-dMu-d3LmOXGhyEnVIwk3xLm8Rv09p2uAiU0vioGVe_HZWWdP_kGBUXpe222h6_5FZKOv348DB6GcWyqVRUeXPUA-h4RywM4ddEHAVLAsxYFmMLf0UOLroj4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.43.35+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwRB3ktDsxmRrRQ87JjqP-dMu-d3LmOXGhyEnVIwk3xLm8Rv09p2uAiU0vioGVe_HZWWdP_kGBUXpe222h6_5FZKOv348DB6GcWyqVRUeXPUA-h4RywM4ddEHAVLAsxYFmMLf0UOLroj4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.43.35+PM.png" height="320" width="207" /></a></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Sophie uncovers shocking secrets—and faces treacherous new enemies—in
this electrifying third book in the <i>Keeper of the Lost Cities</i> series.<br /><br />Sophie Foster is ready to fight back.</span> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Her
talents are getting stronger, and with the elusive Black Swan group
ignoring her calls for help, she’s determined to find her
kidnappers—before they come after her again.</span> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But a daring
mistake leaves her world teetering on the edge of war, and causes many
to fear that she has finally gone too far. And the deeper Sophie
searches, the farther the conspiracy stretches, proving that her most
dangerous enemy might be closer than she realizes.</span> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In this
nail-biting third book in the <i>Keeper of the Lost Cities </i>series, Sophie
must fight the flames of rebellion, before they destroy everyone and
everything she loves. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>~~~</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>POPULAR: VINTAGE WISDOM FOR A MODERN GEEK, by Maya Van Wagenen</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHDAOJiiGHOADCMglhaXM_UHvrwPmDYmhRZ5l2JSNR4FLRIe7r1-4ayUiXHLhsI1vaG6Xmp_-r38cs2nrsXkCWtaNiMBhfgsC1e-l7KEapjVOYCKpzZ0j9AZZA_V1qKxtYKVoe1cDdD0E/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.46.04+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHDAOJiiGHOADCMglhaXM_UHvrwPmDYmhRZ5l2JSNR4FLRIe7r1-4ayUiXHLhsI1vaG6Xmp_-r38cs2nrsXkCWtaNiMBhfgsC1e-l7KEapjVOYCKpzZ0j9AZZA_V1qKxtYKVoe1cDdD0E/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.46.04+PM.png" height="320" width="213" /></a></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A breakout teen author explores the true meaning of popularity and
how to survive middle school in this hysterically funny, touchingly
honest contemporary memoir. <i> </i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>Can curlers, girdles, Vaseline, and a strand of pearls help a shy girl become popular?</i><i> Maya Van Wagenen is about to find out. </i> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Stuck near the bottom of the social ladder at “pretty much the
lowest level of people at school who aren’t paid to be here,” Maya has
never been popular. But before starting eighth grade, she decides to
begin a unique social experiment: spend the school year following a
1950s popularity guide, written by former teen model Betty Cornell.</span> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The real-life results are hilarious, painful, and filled with
unexpected surprises. Told with humor and grace, Maya’s journey offers
readers of all ages a thoroughly contemporary example of kindness and
self-confidence, along with a better understanding of what it means to
be popular.</span><br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>~~~</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVmdjcYJytj3wPSaNQjM9qtVBUyw8NriGovjBlmQAq924-aONShKrHXzXWbOXMxNArm-BMGK-NC0IFbDgGr-J7hC6RGphsnSuVjzMRozQTm2T7cEI8XFbUEMb2Cw5ZK9aG_hP7wy-xSNY/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.49.28+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVmdjcYJytj3wPSaNQjM9qtVBUyw8NriGovjBlmQAq924-aONShKrHXzXWbOXMxNArm-BMGK-NC0IFbDgGr-J7hC6RGphsnSuVjzMRozQTm2T7cEI8XFbUEMb2Cw5ZK9aG_hP7wy-xSNY/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.49.28+PM.png" height="320" width="210" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>SPARKERS, by Eleanor Glewwe</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b>In the city of Ashara, magicians rule all.</b></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b> </b></b><b> </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Marah Levi is a promising violinist who
excels at school and can read more languages than most librarians. Even so, she
has little hope of a bright future: she is a sparker, a member of the oppressed
lower class in a society run by magicians.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Then a mysterious disease hits the city
of Ashara, turning its victims’ eyes dark before ultimately killing them. As
Marah watches those whom she loves most fall ill, she finds an unlikely friend
in Azariah, a wealthy magician boy. Together they pursue a cure in secret, but
more people are dying every day, and time is running out. Then Marah and
Azariah make a shocking discovery that turns inside-out everything they thought
they knew about magic and about Ashara, their home. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Set in an imaginative world rich with
language, lore, and music, this gripping adventure plunges the reader into the
heart of a magical government where sparks of dissent may be even more deadly
than the dark eyes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">~~~</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>UNGIFTED, by Gordon Korman</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC4S3nv1z1-Zi-oCgsoBhabkXDHW4CUve3BNqIlrHY_UHZEVPcF-n6n-Q9pSNLusQvlXFSadVzcUVb_ctw523gCYUZnA81Y4l5bPo8aukOk8SOljWPh-qlNcJZzE9YaV3SnoqrxWUhbr0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.20.26+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC4S3nv1z1-Zi-oCgsoBhabkXDHW4CUve3BNqIlrHY_UHZEVPcF-n6n-Q9pSNLusQvlXFSadVzcUVb_ctw523gCYUZnA81Y4l5bPo8aukOk8SOljWPh-qlNcJZzE9YaV3SnoqrxWUhbr0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+3.20.26+PM.png" height="320" width="210" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>**Starred review from Kendon Himself** </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">From #1 <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">New York Times</i> best-selling author Gordon Korman comes a hilarious
and heartfelt novel in which one middle-school troublemaker accidentally moves
into the gifted and talented program—and changes everything. For fans of Louis
Sachar and Jack Gantos, this funny and touching underdog story is a lovable and
goofy adventure with robot fights, middle-school dances, live experiments, and
statue-toppling pranks!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When Donovan Curtis pulls a major prank
at his middle school, he thinks he’s finally gone too far. But thanks to a
mix-up by one of the administrators, instead of getting in trouble, Donovan is
sent to the Academy of Scholastic Distinction, a special program for gifted and
talented students.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Although it wasn’t exactly what Donovan
had intended, the ASD couldn’t be a more perfectly unexpected hideout for
someone like him. But as the students and teachers of ASD grow to realize that
Donovan may not be good at math or science (or just about anything), he shows
that his gifts may be exactly what the ASD students never knew they
needed. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">~~~ </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b></span><br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>THE WILDWOOD CHRONICLES, </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>by Colin Meloy and Carson Ellis </b></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">For fans of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Chronicles of Narnia</i> comes the the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wildwood</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Chronicles</i>, the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">New York
Times</i> best-selling fantasy adventure series by Colin Meloy, lead singer of
the Decemberists, and Carson Ellis, acclaimed illustrator of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Mysterious Benedict Society</i>.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In Wildwood, Prue and her friend Curtis
uncover a secret world in the midst of violent upheaval—a world full of warring
creatures, peaceable mystics, and powerful figures with the darkest intentions.
And what begins as a rescue mission becomes something much greater as the two
friends find themselves entwined in a struggle for the very freedom of this
wilderness. A wilderness the locals call Wildwood.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Wildwood captivates readers with the
wonder and thrill of a secret world within the landscape of a modern city. It
feels at once firmly steeped in the classics of children's literature and
completely fresh at the same time. The story is told from multiple points of
view, and the book features more than eighty illustrations, including six
full-color plates, making this an absolutely gorgeous object.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">~~~</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>THE HERO'S GUIDE TO SAVING YOUR KINGDOM, by Christopher Healy</b></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhGQIh9hiM2jDQn8DvxHiL3eKLltPP55Hf4LAzxll3qiMahyT7gz-2sptWQztd4cmTdqWSAOiV-GKkianqYtmCGHUGcaDnKK54JN_kTMSUtdV8vjn-41WQobGin24LQi0ugWGg04GStH4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.18.17+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhGQIh9hiM2jDQn8DvxHiL3eKLltPP55Hf4LAzxll3qiMahyT7gz-2sptWQztd4cmTdqWSAOiV-GKkianqYtmCGHUGcaDnKK54JN_kTMSUtdV8vjn-41WQobGin24LQi0ugWGg04GStH4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.18.17+PM.png" height="320" width="206" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>(A series -- three books available!) </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Prince Liam. Prince Frederic. Prince
Duncan. Prince Gustav. You’ve never heard of them, have you? These are the
princes who saved Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White, and Rapunzel,
respectively, and yet, thanks to those lousy bards who wrote the tales, you
likely know them only as Prince Charming. But all of this is about to change.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Rejected by their princesses and cast
out of their castles, the princes stumble upon an evil plot that could endanger
each of their kingdoms. Now it’s up to them to triumph over their various
shortcomings, take on trolls, bandits, dragons, witches, and other assorted
terrors, and become the heroes no one ever thought they could be.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Christopher Healy’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom</i> is a completely original take
on the world of fairy tales, the truth about what happens after “happily ever
after.” It’s a must-have for middle grade readers who enjoy their fantasy
adventures mixed with the humor of the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Diary
of a Wimpy Kid</i> books. Witty black-and-white drawings by Todd Harris add to
the fun.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">~~~</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>THE GRAVEYARD BOOK GRAPHIC NOVEL, </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Volume One, by Neil Gaiman et al</b></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>(Volume Two is now available! It's on my shopping list.)</b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>
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</b></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUzbyXbgtBBclJDj1cvyrZ67xkAmCOHSYprojdb4vzWlPO0TijhCUWtYzL4Cxb-q7ZTJ7oZV6bGuN90eZBSYXKwRI0DlJkKBOAmcSrX7GQ_W8dy53s2eqqd5DwlrPlIJ56LQFM5jVaEmM/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.19.57+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUzbyXbgtBBclJDj1cvyrZ67xkAmCOHSYprojdb4vzWlPO0TijhCUWtYzL4Cxb-q7ZTJ7oZV6bGuN90eZBSYXKwRI0DlJkKBOAmcSrX7GQ_W8dy53s2eqqd5DwlrPlIJ56LQFM5jVaEmM/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.19.57+PM.png" height="320" width="197" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The first volume of a glorious
two-volume, four-color graphic novel adaptation of Neil Gaiman's #1 New York
Times best-selling and Newbery Medal-winning novel <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Graveyard Book</i>, adapted by P. Craig Russell and illustrated by
an extraordinary team of renowned artists.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Inventive, chilling, and filled with
wonder, Neil Gaiman's <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Graveyard Book</i>
reaches new heights in this stunning adaptation. Artists Kevin Nowlan, P. Craig
Russell, Tony Harris, Scott Hampton, Galen Showman, Jill Thompson, and Stephen
B. Scott lend their own signature styles to create an imaginatively diverse and
yet cohesive interpretation of Neil Gaiman's luminous novel.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Volume One contains Chapter One through
the Interlude, while Volume Two will include Chapter Six to the end.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">~~~</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>THE MAP TO EVERYWHERE, </b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>by Carrie Ryan and John Parke Davis</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn0IDJvpssL1c9igPqoERCUz9hWeps3x2ZXmkXDzheAps72xlQq5JPrTn7FUlxVHGe-dkNrhRmRf-M-R5HKja1d34mW9TmEmc8pMe9Md4K3LzRimId7sef9OdNP8JF4r0m-JPcjSzT8yM/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.25.57+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn0IDJvpssL1c9igPqoERCUz9hWeps3x2ZXmkXDzheAps72xlQq5JPrTn7FUlxVHGe-dkNrhRmRf-M-R5HKja1d34mW9TmEmc8pMe9Md4K3LzRimId7sef9OdNP8JF4r0m-JPcjSzT8yM/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.25.57+PM.png" height="320" width="212" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wherever
you need to go—the Map to Everywhere can take you there.<br />
</i></span>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Georgia;">To Master Thief Fin, an orphan from the
murky pirate world of the Khaznot Quay, the Map is the key to finding his
mother. To suburban schoolgirl Marrill, it’s her only way home after getting
stranded on the Pirate Stream, the magical waterway that connects every world
in creation.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Georgia;">With the help of a bumbling wizard and his
crew, they must scour the many worlds of the Pirate Stream to gather the pieces
of the Map to Everywhere—but they aren’t the only ones looking. A sinister
figure is hot on their tail, and if they can’t beat his ghostly ship to find
the Map, it could mean the destruction of everything they hold dear!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Georgia;">In Carrie Ryan and John Parke Davis’s
first installment of a fantastical new series, adventure, magic, and hilarity
collide in the treacherous skies and dangerous waters of the Pirate Stream.
Heart-pounding escapades and a colorful cast of characters will have readers
setting sail through this wholly original and unforgettable tale.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">~~~</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>THE LAND OF STORIES, a series by Chris Colfer</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>(Three books out in this series; #4 hits shelves July 7, 2015.)</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>
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</b></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpRGhZUOOLf0Y6xwLQuPeGTx0aeDzmLUyyitzQe7AcJNAUCkIJjJwK-jpFBU_UZXavEN_jHeJE_5xVypiL3gxyFmv56BJRfCc8eJjk-d3cH38XBxkEDvF9zSf2i4AUirxWuAp8b7wSnK8/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.26.30+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpRGhZUOOLf0Y6xwLQuPeGTx0aeDzmLUyyitzQe7AcJNAUCkIJjJwK-jpFBU_UZXavEN_jHeJE_5xVypiL3gxyFmv56BJRfCc8eJjk-d3cH38XBxkEDvF9zSf2i4AUirxWuAp8b7wSnK8/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.26.30+PM.png" height="178" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Alex and Conner Bailey's world is about
to change, in this fast-paced adventure that uniquely combines our modern day
world with the enchanting realm of classic fairy tales.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Land of Stories</i> tells
the tale of twins Alex and Conner. Through the mysterious powers of a cherished
book of stories, they leave their world behind and find themselves in a foreign
land full of wonder and magic where they come face-to-face with the fairy tale
characters they grew up reading about. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But after a series of encounters with
witches, wolves, goblins, and trolls alike, getting back home is going to be
harder than they thought. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">~~~ </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>JAKE AND LILY, by Jerry Spinelli</b> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7ElbqNYF_60Qyy6qwR7431xgQehwTaarRqrFu-2Yz0LZFkzb7wlYB7Mh_Kk8v9wiKfzKIoBvn-3hxxksbtWWK1g5BHjX4sZ3LtrFErTX_oknpefm3IjQJe4ioMTlSJ1xt-KH_z4D5qK8/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.31.52+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7ElbqNYF_60Qyy6qwR7431xgQehwTaarRqrFu-2Yz0LZFkzb7wlYB7Mh_Kk8v9wiKfzKIoBvn-3hxxksbtWWK1g5BHjX4sZ3LtrFErTX_oknpefm3IjQJe4ioMTlSJ1xt-KH_z4D5qK8/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.31.52+PM.png" height="320" width="210" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Beloved Newbery Medalist Jerry Spinelli,
author of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Maniac Magee</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wringer</i>, addresses issues of identity,
belonging, family, and bullying in this humorous and heartfelt novel about
twins.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jake and Lily are twins. Despite their
slightly different interests and temperaments, they feel exactly the same—like
two halves of one person. But the year they turn eleven, everything changes.
Their parents announce it’s time for separate bedrooms. Jake starts hanging out
with a pack of boys on the block. And Lily is devastated, not to mention angry.
Who is she without Jake? And as her brother falls under the influence of the
neighborhood bully, he also must ask himself—who is the real Jake?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This is an often funny, poignant, and
profound story of growing up, growing apart, and the difficult process of
figuring out who you really are.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">~~~</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>EL DEAFO, by Cece Bell</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>
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</b></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLH5l1i8dlo2FuroMXDP5OFpOAULiQQQzxLlWfgLd6J-R-cac1UCB6R5o-LEX7U5zmojGvCxSCUiT4WdzHV8uDN4oakbIhbShADxpvQGUNxWFpqHUiTjiQwH7bEjSWi9GLcA_tuRvn01o/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.34.36+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLH5l1i8dlo2FuroMXDP5OFpOAULiQQQzxLlWfgLd6J-R-cac1UCB6R5o-LEX7U5zmojGvCxSCUiT4WdzHV8uDN4oakbIhbShADxpvQGUNxWFpqHUiTjiQwH7bEjSWi9GLcA_tuRvn01o/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.34.36+PM.png" height="320" width="210" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Going to school and making new friends
can be tough. But going to school and making new friends while wearing a bulky
hearing aid strapped to your chest? That requires superpowers! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In this funny, poignant graphic novel
memoir, author/illustrator Cece Bell chronicles her hearing loss at a young age
and her subsequent experiences with the Phonic Ear, a very powerful—and very
awkward—hearing aid. The Phonic Ear gives Cece the ability to hear—sometimes
things she shouldn’t—but also isolates her from her classmates. She really just
wants to fit in and find a true friend, someone who appreciates her as she is. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">After some trouble, she is finally able
to harness the power of the Phonic Ear and become “El Deafo, Listener for All.”
And more importantly, declare a place for herself in the world and find the
friend she’s longed for.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">~~~</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>THE BALANCE KEEPERS: FIRES OF CALDERON, </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>by Lindsay Cummings</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFweLY1S7ARqPVKp_yrUYuluEryHrFY7f9pevD5l0UPWrI_mzE-fwDOwnkEdXNT4yxQUn1NBbe3bBi6z2Hvwhwh2rkAOLbOCFa6109CZB_2Ov6dVWs362LC5Qc6pxxt0rOImtXdn5gHrk/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.37.52+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFweLY1S7ARqPVKp_yrUYuluEryHrFY7f9pevD5l0UPWrI_mzE-fwDOwnkEdXNT4yxQUn1NBbe3bBi6z2Hvwhwh2rkAOLbOCFa6109CZB_2Ov6dVWs362LC5Qc6pxxt0rOImtXdn5gHrk/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.37.52+PM.png" height="320" width="212" /></a></span></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">The
Fires of Calderon</span></i><span lang="EN-US"> is Book One in Lindsay Cummings’s
epic Balance Keepers series. These exciting fantasy adventure books are full of
magic, mystery, friendship, and humor and are perfect for fans of books like
Brandon Mull’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Candy Shop</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">War</i> or the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Unwanteds</i> series by Lisa McMann.</span></span></div>
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</div>
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<br /></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US">With themes of friendship, self-discovery,
and courage; both boy and girl main characters; fierce creatures to battle; a
mystery to solve; and a boarding school that could be described as Hogwarts
underground, there’s something for every reader to enjoy in this
contemporary—and fantastically imaginative—spin on the classic Journey to the
Center of the Earth.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US">When eleven-year-old Albert Flynn follows a
mysterious map deep into the woods, and then under the woods, he discovers he’s
a Balance Keeper—someone with special magical skills for keeping harmony in
fantastical underground worlds. Together with his teammates Leroy and Birdie,
Albert must master his magical talents in time to stop the fires in the
Calderon Realm from destroying New York City above.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US">~~~</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><b>AMULET #6: ESCAPE FROM LUCIEN, </b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><b>by Kazu Kibuishi</b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><b>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJxYdrbMQ64qsPsA0loAijqRMExO_yhYCeSYTaqwUrV3Pg1yUA-EBc6sw2lC3wCZmMjVtdxHUCJZpWtXggVUVWvg8h1idIE9HPSO1XQU5LU_jSnKskwcX780MhT786pFclxThAMxE-lMo/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.40.58+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJxYdrbMQ64qsPsA0loAijqRMExO_yhYCeSYTaqwUrV3Pg1yUA-EBc6sw2lC3wCZmMjVtdxHUCJZpWtXggVUVWvg8h1idIE9HPSO1XQU5LU_jSnKskwcX780MhT786pFclxThAMxE-lMo/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-12-09+at+4.40.58+PM.png" height="320" width="212" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Navin and his classmates journey to
Lucien, a city ravaged by war and plagued by mysterious creatures, where they
search for a beacon essential to their fight against the Elf King. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Meanwhile,
Emily heads back into the Void with Max, one of the Elf King's loyal followers,
where she learns his darkest secrets. The stakes, for both Emily and Navin, are
higher than ever.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">~~~</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>PHEW!</b> What a list. Okay, so you should be able to find a thing or two here for your eager reader. Be sure to pop by and let me know YOUR favorite reads ... there is no such thing as TOO MANY BOOKS.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Merry Christmas!</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Joyeux Noël!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Happy Hanukkah!</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">HAPPY ALL THE OTHER STUFF YOU CELEBRATE! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Xs and Os, bookish friends ...</span></div>
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-14873151562006622772014-08-13T14:37:00.002-07:002014-08-13T14:37:41.495-07:00Eliza Gordon Strikes Again: NEUROTICA Is LIVE!<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My alter ego has been busy while the other personality -- the real me -- rewrites <i>Sleight</i>. Yes. It is The Book That Never Ends. Wish me luck on this latest adventure.</span></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">SOOOOO, even though it's not August 21, and that's when I said <b><i>NEUROTICA</i></b> would be available for purchase, I got tired of waiting and decided that we needed some giggles this week. As such ...</span></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><strong>NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE:</strong></span></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="Neuro AmazonGRSW" class="aligncenter wp-image-704 size-large" data-mce-src="https://onceuponeliza.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/neuro-amazongrsw.jpg?w=492" height="743" src="https://onceuponeliza.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/neuro-amazongrsw.jpg?w=492" width="492" /></div>
<br />
<div class="alert">
<div class="alert note">
<h1 data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Summary</span></h1>
</div>
</div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: justify;" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: justify;" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">If you find yourself talking to Jayne Dandy, keep the conversation on <em>Star Wars</em>
and rubber ducks—best not to mention men, dating, or S-E-X. Because
Jayne is fine with the way things are: writer of obituaries and garage
sale ads by day, secret scribe of adventures in distant galaxies by
night. But her crippling fear of intimacy has made her the butt of jokes
since forever, and hiding behind her laptop isn’t going to get her
lightsaber lit.</span></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: justify;" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: justify;" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">After
her therapist recommends that she write erotica as a form of exposure
therapy, Jayne joins forces with pen and paper to combat the demons that
won’t let her kiss and tell. Unexpectedly downsized at work, she adopts
a pseudonym and secretly self-publishes one of her naughty books to
make ends meet. When her adorable, long-time friend Luke, co-owner of
the popular Portland food truck Luke Piewalker’s, hears she’s been
demoted, he insists on hiring her to sling éclairs and turnovers at his
side. Her secret must be kept, but sparks ignite between them, sending
Jayne and her X-Wing into a tailspin that will either make her face down
her neuroses or trigger a meltdown of Death Star proportions.</span></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: justify;" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: justify;" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="webbed-feet" class="aligncenter wp-image-668" data-mce-src="http://onceuponeliza.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/webbed-feet.jpg?w=300" height="79" src="http://onceuponeliza.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/webbed-feet.jpg?w=300" width="114" /></div>
<br />
<div class="alert note">
<h1 data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a data-mce-href="http://www.amazon.com/Neurotica-Eliza-Gordon-ebook/dp/B00MJ5YUFK/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1407902307&sr=1-1&keywords=Neurotica+Eliza+Gordon" href="http://www.amazon.com/Neurotica-Eliza-Gordon-ebook/dp/B00MJ5YUFK/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1407902307&sr=1-1&keywords=Neurotica+Eliza+Gordon" target="_blank">AMAZON</a> ~ <a data-mce-href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/neurotica-eliza-gordon/1120110253?ean=2940150732889" href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/neurotica-eliza-gordon/1120110253?ean=2940150732889" target="_blank">B&N NOOK</a> ~ <a data-mce-href="http://store.kobobooks.com/en-CA/ebook/neurotica-3" href="http://store.kobobooks.com/en-CA/ebook/neurotica-3" target="_blank">KOBO</a></span></h1>
</div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">If you're interested in a <strong>signed paperback</strong>, drop me an email or find me on <a data-mce-href="https://www.facebook.com/eliza.gordon.52" href="https://www.facebook.com/eliza.gordon.52" target="_blank">Facebook</a>. It's awfully cute in paperback, I must say.</span></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="Neurotica cover" class="aligncenter size-medium wp-image-709" data-mce-src="http://onceuponeliza.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/neurotica-cover.jpg?w=200" height="300" src="http://onceuponeliza.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/neurotica-cover.jpg?w=200" width="200" /></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Now go out and take pictures of your best <em>Star Wars</em>
cosplay, your favorite eclairs, or the cutest ducks you can find, and
share them with me so we can say, </span></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">"Welcome to the world, Jayne Dandy!"</span></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<h3 data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Early reviews:</span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></h3>
<h3 data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></h3>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US">~ “My soul is happy. <i>Neurotica</i> was perfect.
I enjoyed every single word.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US">~ “You probably can’t see the sections I
highlighted in the book but people would think I’m nuts because it’s the scenes
where you describe Portland and the areas they are sitting that just grabbed my
heart. Honestly, at moments I wanted to cry, because you did my heart’s home
such service. Your love of Portland shines in this book and it’s beautiful ...
Jayne was just so real, and honest (despite what Luke may have thought a couple
times). She felt like someone I would just love to know personally.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US">~ “This book has so much going own that you
will not be able to put it down. I love everything about it, from the way it is
written, to the storyline and its many twist and turns. This book is different
from the author’s first book but I think I love it as much or maybe even more.
This is a must read now book. Don’t just put it on your long to be read list
because it is that good. The wittiness of the storyline is incredible. I want
more of these characters when I finished the book because I didn’t want it to
end. Loved every word of this book!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US">~ “Gordon keeps readers on edge,
snickering, and in love with all the characters as this humorous story unfolds.
A must read. And perhaps my favorite part is that it’s completely clean. While
the MC writes erotica, Gordon keeps this NA novel PG, which is exactly where it
needs to be to get the point across.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h3 data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> ~~~</span></h3>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As a friendly reminder, for those of you with delicate sensibilities:</span></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="Neurotica-reader-discretion-warning" class="aligncenter wp-image-675 size-large" data-mce-src="http://onceuponeliza.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/neurotica-reader-discretion-warning.jpg?w=492" height="351" src="http://onceuponeliza.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/neurotica-reader-discretion-warning.jpg?w=492" width="492" /></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-23755473451198915912014-07-11T05:00:00.000-07:002014-07-11T05:00:08.211-07:00Eliza Gordon's Newest: NEUROTICA ~ August 2014!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhat6cMCGz4SYWP-SC85H-QOkzFuWG2ly6AGxfKdmLb3kuL0sYiUMr0dzMzphpoXcOcPEFx2YEnfnxm_boUKRRH4xh13vmCyjP7MNHbmsf24DdL8YHAvuXQvXvP24TjZ-Pa0GLEcrf6Gbs/s1600/Cover-reveal-graphic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhat6cMCGz4SYWP-SC85H-QOkzFuWG2ly6AGxfKdmLb3kuL0sYiUMr0dzMzphpoXcOcPEFx2YEnfnxm_boUKRRH4xh13vmCyjP7MNHbmsf24DdL8YHAvuXQvXvP24TjZ-Pa0GLEcrf6Gbs/s1600/Cover-reveal-graphic.jpg" height="266" width="400" /> </a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I'd ask for a drum roll, but it would be more appropriate if we had ducks quacking for us ...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Hey, Neurotica ... how <i>you</i> doin'?</b></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">SUMMARY: </span></span></span></h2>
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<span lang="EN-US">If you find yourself talking to Jayne
Dandy, keep the conversation on Star Wars and rubber ducks—best not to mention
men, dating, or S-E-X. Because Jayne is fine with the way things are: writer of
obituaries and garage sale ads by day, secret scribe of adventures in distant
galaxies by night. But her crippling fear of intimacy has made her the butt of
jokes since forever, and hiding behind her laptop isn’t going to get her
lightsaber lit.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">After her therapist recommends that she
write erotica as a form of exposure therapy, Jayne joins forces with pen and
paper to combat the demons that won’t let her kiss and tell. Unexpectedly
downsized at work, she adopts a pseudonym and secretly self-publishes one of
her naughty books to make ends meet. When her adorable, long-time friend Luke,
co-owner of the popular Portland food truck Luke Piewalker’s, hears she’s been
demoted, he insists on hiring her to sling éclairs and turnovers at his side.
Her secret must be kept, but sparks ignite between them, sending Jayne and her
X-Wing into a tailspin that will either make her face down her neuroses or trigger
a meltdown of Death Star proportions.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiKoDTghGV5WyWSXhIbfL_QaA4Fou8jMEcDkjkPx9DSYrOhuxlY_4DOpFhSZ4ddwAZGVXLOoN93yPeEKTVKpAcRj4I1FlKMz9LcUndy4174nkdE-gK2cFkAx_n0QU6i09ucHbkJrxMl_I/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-07-09+at+5.50.57+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiKoDTghGV5WyWSXhIbfL_QaA4Fou8jMEcDkjkPx9DSYrOhuxlY_4DOpFhSZ4ddwAZGVXLOoN93yPeEKTVKpAcRj4I1FlKMz9LcUndy4174nkdE-gK2cFkAx_n0QU6i09ucHbkJrxMl_I/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-07-09+at+5.50.57+PM.png" height="287" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(c) 2014 Sarah Hansen / Okay Creations</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And a GIVEAWAY for a $15 Amazon GC? OKAY! Click <a data-mce-href="http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/d34746227/" href="http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/d34746227/" target="_blank">HERE</a>.<b> </b></span></h1>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b></span></h1>
<h1 data-mce-style="text-align: center;" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>RELEASE DATE: AUGUST 21, 2014</b></span></h1>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22704194-neurotica-a-novel-by-eliza-gordon?ac=1" target="_blank">Add NEUROTICA to Goodreads!</a></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></div>
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<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Also, so no one is misled ...</span></span></h2>
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<img alt="Neurotica-reader-discretion-warning" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-675" data-mce-src="http://onceuponeliza.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/neurotica-reader-discretion-warning.jpg?w=492" src="http://onceuponeliza.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/neurotica-reader-discretion-warning.jpg?w=492" height="351" width="492" /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">BLOGGERS! Want an ARC to help get the word out about NEUROTICA?</span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a data-mce-href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1Oj78JeocVktes3EuXdUzLTYEzNHKPYcDpdV0fof62-Q/viewformhttp://" href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1Oj78JeocVktes3EuXdUzLTYEzNHKPYcDpdV0fof62-Q/viewformhttp://" target="_blank">Sign up!</a></span></span></h1>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">SPREAD THE WORD! Thanks. You're ducky.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-26298259296454221372014-03-19T15:28:00.000-07:002014-03-19T15:28:17.630-07:00My Alter Ego's Rom-Com Funny Fest Is On Sale!<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">What a darling surprise! Amazon picked us as a <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=lp_6180870011_st?qid=1395083144&rh=n%3A133140011%2Cn%3A!2334093011%2Cn%3A!2334155011%2Cn%3A6180870011&sort=price-asc-rank" target="_blank"><strong>BIG DEAL</strong></a>
book with an associated promotion that will run until March 30. What
does that mean for you? For less than a buck, you get a book that will
make you giggle, guffaw, and question your need for Sriracha in the
bedroom. (Don’t do it.)</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOnEk1vvantsh21ErFPVeJWxs6rCdwCtn79ZHt7UPvlcOAFlWjvjm1u0q4vztVQvGEnWoaj9p2KeDyUh2-XFQukpbvTs78CnU6lY6RmVhSPqVFCm4CFoPwQv4fnMxvMW-osu4cCiIk5NA/s1600/99-cent-sale-Otters-March-2014.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOnEk1vvantsh21ErFPVeJWxs6rCdwCtn79ZHt7UPvlcOAFlWjvjm1u0q4vztVQvGEnWoaj9p2KeDyUh2-XFQukpbvTs78CnU6lY6RmVhSPqVFCm4CFoPwQv4fnMxvMW-osu4cCiIk5NA/s1600/99-cent-sale-Otters-March-2014.jpg" height="266" title="" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">AMAZON LINKS:</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Must-Love-Otters-Eliza-Gordon-ebook/dp/B00G2V5G32/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top" target="_blank">Amazon US</a></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B00G2V5G32/ref=s9_simh_gw_p351_d2_i1?pf_rd_m=A3DWYIK6Y9EEQB&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1AMEC2PCJ9PSKR4PQ55M&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1687860482&pf_rd_i=915398" target="_blank">Amazon Canada</a></span></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Tell your friends! Tell your coworkers! Don’t tell your kids. There are naughty bits in this one. Not <em>really</em> naughty, but it might be weird to explain “panty tarantula” to your middle schooler.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A book for a buck minus one penny is a sweet deal, although if you're in Canada, you don't get that penny back because we don't have pennies anymore. They killed them.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In case you want to know WHAT <i>Must Love Otters</i> is before you click through, here's the summary:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Hollie Porter is the chairwoman of
Generation Disillusioned: at twenty-five years old, she’s saddled with a
job she hates, a boyfriend who’s all wrong for her, and a vexing
inability to say no. She’s already near her breaking point, so when one
caller too many kicks the bucket during Hollie’s 911 shift, she cashes
in the Sweethearts’ Spa & Stay gift certificate from her dad and
heads to Revelation Cove, British Columbia. One caveat: she’s going
solo. Any sweethearts will have to be found on site.</span></i><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Hollie hopes to find her beloved otters
in the wilds of the Great White North, but instead she’s providing comic
relief for staff and guests alike. Even Concierge Ryan, a former NHL
star with bad knees and broken dreams, can’t stop her from stumbling
from one (mis)adventure to another. Just when Hollie starts to think
that a change of venue doesn’t mean a change in circumstances, the
island works its charm and she starts to think she might have found the
rejuvenation she so desperately desires. But then an uninvited guest
crashes the party, forcing her to step out of the discomfort zone where
she dwells and save the day … and maybe even herself in the process.</span></i></blockquote>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> Reviews have been fantastic. But don't take my word for it. Have a go for yourself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://elizagordon.com/about/" target="_blank">Follow Eliza around. Sign up for her newsletter. </a></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">And send your cookie recipes.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Time for a <b><i> </i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>Sad/Happy/Reading/Working On/Fun Stuff to Look At</i></b> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">List.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>SAD:</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Well, shit. Yesterday brought devastating news, didn't it?</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1cLzl-Gb7tgAI1XrAUwtJsw8ucqIUAF8o-AEn2XLa5QPch77rdJZ34qdJk6WTwTiPQFNOJhonwaTJuHJux5t_ogml9XorbNm8OqRlny5fAEhrYCPwS1h0wEc1fxP0ojtQWiAsswQszR0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-02-03+at+8.58.22+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1cLzl-Gb7tgAI1XrAUwtJsw8ucqIUAF8o-AEn2XLa5QPch77rdJZ34qdJk6WTwTiPQFNOJhonwaTJuHJux5t_ogml9XorbNm8OqRlny5fAEhrYCPwS1h0wEc1fxP0ojtQWiAsswQszR0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-02-03+at+8.58.22+AM.png" height="320" width="319" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">He had three kids. But he also had heroin. Addiction is so sad. And now the world is dimmer by this one bulb that burned brighter and hotter than the nearest star. I loved Philip Seymour Hoffman. Loved his work. Any movie that boasted him among its credits, I'd watch. (<i>The Master</i> put me to sleep. No, really. Like, within twelve minutes. Sorry. Guess I'm not smart enough for the existential stuff (NO I DID NOT UNDERSTAND <i>Inception</i>, although the score is FABulous).)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Dude, we're gonna miss you. We're going to miss all the movies you would've made, the joy you would've experienced watching your kids grow ... if only. If only.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>HAPPY:</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The trailer for the much-anticipated film adaptation of one of my favorite books <i>ever, The Fault in Our Stars</i>, debuted. You've likely already seen it, or you have reasons why you're not interested. But this made me happy because John Green's book is a force of nature all by itself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>READING:</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My youngest and I are reading ...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>The Ability</b></i><b> by M. M. Vaughn</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Summary f</span>rom Goodreads:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdmlVwhIjplxS9E95z_iQGzuiIWHO2V13EpgPBYMhjxgZAUKtMa0hJogC_iQjF0yyjYYN2tjbKM5DAGQabtcpS32EMaEmAauXrb-hrjOeOK8YOxMfl8j30Cu8ffvQdsS_WPdWkVop7CEE/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-02-03+at+9.10.47+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdmlVwhIjplxS9E95z_iQGzuiIWHO2V13EpgPBYMhjxgZAUKtMa0hJogC_iQjF0yyjYYN2tjbKM5DAGQabtcpS32EMaEmAauXrb-hrjOeOK8YOxMfl8j30Cu8ffvQdsS_WPdWkVop7CEE/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-02-03+at+9.10.47+AM.png" height="400" width="262" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><span id="freeText18308881733196283720"><strong>Delve into the
extraordinary abilities of the twelve-year-old mind in this thrilling
start to a middle-grade series that expands the possibilities of power.</strong><br /></span></b><span id="freeText18308881733196283720">No
one has any confidence in twelve-year-old Christopher Lane. His
teachers discount him as a liar and a thief, and his mom doesn’t have
the energy to deal with him. But a mysterious visit from the Ministry of
Education indicates that Chris might have some potential after all: He
is invited to attend the prestigious Myers Holt Academy.<br /><br />When
Christopher begins at his new school, he is astounded at what he can do.
It seems that age twelve is a special time for the human brain, which
is capable of remarkable feats—as also evidenced by Chris’s peers Ernest
and Mortimer Genver, who, at the direction of their vengeful and
manipulative mother, are testing the boundaries of the human mind.<br /><br />But
all this experimentation has consequences, and Chris soon finds himself
forced to face them—or his new life will be over before it can begin.</span></span><b> </b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>WORKING ON:</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Rewrites. What else?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">People are funny, especially my own editing clients, about rewriting. I suggest it often: "Don't publish yet. Take a few weeks. Let it stew. Then rewrite a few things." Some folks listen, most don't. Indie publishing is a different beast. People are in a hurry.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My experience has been quite different, however, and as I've mentioned before, I am most grateful for this opportunity to learn SO MUCH. Rewriting pain doesn't turn everyone on, but I'm that kid who tried to break bones when she was younger so she could get a cast for classmates to sign. I was the one who was so happy when she <i>finally</i> sprained her ankle in gymnastics, a feat seven years of soccer and skating had failed to accomplish, so she could have crutches and people would say, "Awwww, what happened?" and that One Cute Boy might hold open the door or serve as lunch date. (It was a mild sprain. I didn't even get to use the crutches at school. Operation Attention Grab failed.) (Also: some context -- I grew up with a disabled sibling who would receive gifts EVERYWHERE we went. Yes, she was severely disabled. (RIP, darling Michelle!) I loved her. I was her protector. But when you're a little kid, and the sibling you think is "normal" because she's mean and bossy then gets presents everywhere you go, it tends to make you a little ... weird. And desirous of attention. These are things I discuss with my therapist, not the World at Large.) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">ANYWAY, I like rewriting. I'm into that sort of pain. Maybe my subconscious is subconsciously screwing up these drafts on <i>purpose</i> so I don't have to face the fear of seeing the book finished. I DO NOT KNOW. I did not major in psychology. I do know I wasn't breastfed as a baby, so maybe this is the problem. THANKS, Mommy Voldemort.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6Cq6ikHHhdIgCMP0-MO64HQcvBCqx2fHjFZQbZuStcceZWAtbiNQzwrPpH_6rkUds6f0ZJozsaR4pRsRR7GkTNTxNazsJcY4WntULzUn-XJUi7AA71rI-QbR3vJ-LYBoNe-SkKWK8pMA/s1600/John-Irving-quote.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6Cq6ikHHhdIgCMP0-MO64HQcvBCqx2fHjFZQbZuStcceZWAtbiNQzwrPpH_6rkUds6f0ZJozsaR4pRsRR7GkTNTxNazsJcY4WntULzUn-XJUi7AA71rI-QbR3vJ-LYBoNe-SkKWK8pMA/s1600/John-Irving-quote.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a> </div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I definitely have stamina. *winks*</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>FUN STUFF TO LOOK AT:</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A number of friends have tagged me in this:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0QdsSqmZKtkkrHrw_19r9aLa7X_f7HV-yi7QlomvkysQHPsTqNrBRDeLeFREHAmkcgLp5qG5ol20HEOIQzYn8mG_BD9XeUkPd4iz36Okiuql7ZwjTbFrdssEUiBwtDVVW-kPW7lCAkxA/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-02-03+at+9.18.18+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0QdsSqmZKtkkrHrw_19r9aLa7X_f7HV-yi7QlomvkysQHPsTqNrBRDeLeFREHAmkcgLp5qG5ol20HEOIQzYn8mG_BD9XeUkPd4iz36Okiuql7ZwjTbFrdssEUiBwtDVVW-kPW7lCAkxA/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-02-03+at+9.18.18+AM.png" height="214" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">IT HURTS US, PRECIOUS!!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And THIS magnificent fellow landed in the blue spruce in our front yard to take advantage of the new bird feeder. Bird-savvy friends say it is a male downy woodpecker. What a sweetie:</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRcIh3KddirLt_-j6Cz0LHLAB0uQgv1DIGwnGgfL-5nKzOJty84v1OBEg3dv8o8-TGjZMWGvpu746cfQN6qqNgj6_olLEx2ozEZmw21DQz3QAtyLESnVLN2_Xac2wIvxDic6dyIFiWU9E/s1600/Pretty+birdie_DSC5658.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRcIh3KddirLt_-j6Cz0LHLAB0uQgv1DIGwnGgfL-5nKzOJty84v1OBEg3dv8o8-TGjZMWGvpu746cfQN6qqNgj6_olLEx2ozEZmw21DQz3QAtyLESnVLN2_Xac2wIvxDic6dyIFiWU9E/s1600/Pretty+birdie_DSC5658.jpg" height="609" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nuit the Pussycat says, "LET ME NOM THE BIRDY!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And finally, APRIL 6, <a href="http://youtu.be/xZY43QSx3Fk" target="_blank"><i><b>Game of Thrones</b></i></a>, season 4 (click link to see trailer on YouTube). CANNOT WAIT. Neither can the Mother of Dragons.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijVfmLf5zOZO4qSa6msxq6vzynpz2s5MralPAMbj9ze1hgROnDkyhDFEKA6Q8QI2UWgMFeuYPWrmKtfYShejfdT030H4AP1uHsS0GKLIHDClCpaEk-L3aopcPHAyRhX0F0meZ8FO-MOVA/s1600/_DSC5582.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijVfmLf5zOZO4qSa6msxq6vzynpz2s5MralPAMbj9ze1hgROnDkyhDFEKA6Q8QI2UWgMFeuYPWrmKtfYShejfdT030H4AP1uHsS0GKLIHDClCpaEk-L3aopcPHAyRhX0F0meZ8FO-MOVA/s1600/_DSC5582.jpg" height="395" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I'm going back in. The clock slows for no man.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwD557ZnjYBIdeEMnedyXJfWt14ItBuREh_AQAaJwEjrIGTLgKsfx1Fu4C8fW0_8yWUCtN0rm6bKfLH9qhjrG_2xffhlR-RbUtDFPwuBHlg5qZiMEl9JR39kc6KuRrA87PFHDMo2Q7EfM/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-02-03+at+9.55.47+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwD557ZnjYBIdeEMnedyXJfWt14ItBuREh_AQAaJwEjrIGTLgKsfx1Fu4C8fW0_8yWUCtN0rm6bKfLH9qhjrG_2xffhlR-RbUtDFPwuBHlg5qZiMEl9JR39kc6KuRrA87PFHDMo2Q7EfM/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-02-03+at+9.55.47+AM.png" height="182" width="200" /></a></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-86146859211513524772014-01-31T05:00:00.000-08:002014-01-31T05:00:02.255-08:00Cover Reveal and Excerpt for Amber Hart's Upcoming BEFORE YOU<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My friends, for your future reading enjoyment, I am excited to share in this cover reveal.</span></div>
<div style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Two summers ago, I met a writer named Amber. She needed a copy edit. She hired me, and I fell in love with her story. I introduced her to an amazing substantive editor with skills greater than my own, and voila. History was made.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Fast forward to 2014, and Amber is on the doorstep of her first major publishing release, <i>Before You</i>, from KTeen Books, a division of Kensington, on July 29, 2014.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">First, the beauteous cover:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWJUeKHvQD7ApMGoN4oVIHV_VaBjHLs5047FopAOmGJBKa5g-lf81o-mEbs744NCd8Z5srHP5a1ljYtz1KPAh-icGWaHOBdvHEIDDoMWjdcH337G0JJqIHslA3o6Zsg3wCdppmzdzLzNI/s1600/Before+You+revised.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWJUeKHvQD7ApMGoN4oVIHV_VaBjHLs5047FopAOmGJBKa5g-lf81o-mEbs744NCd8Z5srHP5a1ljYtz1KPAh-icGWaHOBdvHEIDDoMWjdcH337G0JJqIHslA3o6Zsg3wCdppmzdzLzNI/s1600/Before+You+revised.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A summary:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Some say love is deadly. Some say love is
beautiful. I say it is both.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Faith Watters spent her
junior year traveling the world, studying in exquisite places, before returning
to Oviedo High School. From the outside her life is picture-perfect. Captain of
the dance team. Popular. Happy. Too bad it’s all a lie.</span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">It will haunt me. It will claim me. It will shatter
me. And I don't care.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Eighteen-year-old Diego
Alvarez hates his new life in the States, but staying in Cuba is not an option.
Covered in tattoos and scars, Diego doesn’t stand a chance of fitting in. Nor
does he want to. His only concern is staying hidden from his past—a past, which
if it were to surface, would cost him everything. Including his life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">At Oviedo High School, it
seems that Faith Watters and Diego Alvarez do not belong together. But fate is
as tricky as it is lovely. Freedom with no restraint is what they long for.
What they get is something different entirely. </span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Love—it will ruin you and save you, both.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And now, four luscious chapters for you to sink into. When you're finished, run to your calendar and SAVE THE DATE, or better yet, click on the preorder links listed below. Of course you will.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Enjoy!</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 26.0pt; line-height: 200%;">Before You </span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 22.0pt; line-height: 200%;">by Amber Hart</span></span><br />
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">1</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Faith</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My closet is a place of secrets.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This is where I
change into Her, the girl everybody knows as me. Searching through hanger after
hanger of neatly pressed clothes, I find the outfit I’m looking for. A black
knee-length pleated skirt, a loose-fitting white top, and two-inch wedge shoes.
Looking good at school is a must. Not that I do it for me. It’s more for my
dad’s reputation. I have to play the part.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I am stuffed
into a borrowed frame. One that fits too tightly. One that couldn’t possibly
capture the real me.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Faith,”
my stepmom calls. “Are you joining us for breakfast?”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>There
is no time. “No,” I reply, my voice carrying downstairs. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
quickly dress for school, catching my reflection in the closet door mirror.
Waking sun shines off my hair, highlighting a few strands brighter than the
rest. Everybody has a favorite body part. Mine is my hair, which is the
fiery-brown of autumn leaves. My best friend, Melissa, swears my eyes are my
best asset.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ivy-green, deep-set,
haunting. Like they go on forever. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Speaking
of Melissa, her horn blares outside. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Beep,
beep</i>, pause, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">beep</i>. That’s our
code. I race downstairs, passing my dad, stepmom, and little sister on the way
out. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Wait,” Dad
says.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I sigh. “Yes,
Dad?” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">He glances at my
outfit, pausing at my shoes. If it were up to Dad, I would wear turtleneck
shirts and dress pants with lace-up boots forever. The perfect ensemble, it
seems. As it is, I dress conservatively to protect his image. I’m eighteen.
You’d think he’d stop cringing every time he saw me in anything that showed the
least bit of skin. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Hug,” he says,
waving me over. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I hug him. Place
a kiss on my five-year-old sister’s jelly-covered cheek. Then, grab a napkin to
wipe the sticky jelly from my lips.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Bye, Gracie,” I
say to her. “See you after school.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She waves a
small hand at me and smiles.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Take
this.” Susan, my stepmom, hands me a bagel even though I already declined
breakfast. It’s poppy seed. I’m allergic to poppy seed. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As
usual, I don’t put up a fight. My frame feels especially uncomfortable at the
moment. It’s always the same thing. I learned early on that it’s easier to go
with the flow than to be different. Different is bad. Standing out attracts
attention, something I try to avoid at all costs. Unfortunately, being the
dance captain makes that more difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Have
to go,” I say, shoving the bagel in my bag. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The screen door
swings shut behind me.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Melissa
waits in my driveway. We live in a modest, yellow-paneled house in Oviedo,
Florida. The majority of the people here are middle class. We fit in well. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“What’s
up?” Melissa smiles. “Took you long enough.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Yeah,
well, you try waking up late and still looking as good as I do,” I joke. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Melissa
whips her blond hair into a ponytail and puts her red Camaro in reverse,
careful not to hit my Jeep on the way out. I have my own car, but since Melissa
lives three doors down, we have a deal where we alternate driving to school.
She takes the first month; I take the second, and so on. Saves gas.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“You
look smokin’,” Melissa says, lighting a cigarette.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
roll my eyes. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Liar.” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She’s always
hated the way I dress.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Melissa
laughs. “Okay, true, the clothes need to go. But your hair and makeup are
flawless. And no matter what you wear, you still look beautiful.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Thanks,
you too,” I say, eyeing her tight jeans and sequined top. Melissa is
effortlessly beautiful with her sun-freckled face and athletic build. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Prediction,”
Melissa begins. This is something we have done since ninth grade: predict three
things that will happen during the year. “Tracy Ram will try to overthrow you
as dance captain, once again, but you’ll keep your spot, of course, ’cause you
rock. You’ll quit dressing like an eighty-year-old and finally wear what you
want to wear instead of what society dictates is appropriate for a pastor’s
daughter. And you’ll come to your senses and dump Jason Magg for a hot new
boy.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Melissa
always predicts that I’ll dump Jason, has done since Jason and I began dating
freshman year. It’s not that she doesn’t like him. It’s just that she thinks my
life is too bland, like the taste of celery. What’s the point, she figures.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“First of all, I
do not dress like the elderly,” I say. “And second, I don’t know what you have
against Jason. He treats me nicely. It’s not like he’s a jerk.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“It’s
not like he’s exciting, either,” Melissa says.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She’s right.
What I have with Jason is comfortable, nice even, but excitement left a long
time ago. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Prediction,” I
say, turning to Melissa. “You will not be able to quit bugging me about dumping
Jason, even though last year you swore you would. Despite your doubts, you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">will</i> pass senior calculus. And you’re
going to win homecoming.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Melissa shakes
her head. “No way. Homecoming is all you, girl.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I groan. “But I
don’t want to win.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Melissa laughs.
“Tracy Ram would have a heart attack if she ever heard you say that.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Great,” I say.
“Let her win homecoming.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">We grin. Melissa
and I have been friends since kindergarten. Memories come to me suddenly. I’m
in elementary school, and it’s sleepover night at Melissa’s. In my overnight
bag, I carry a small stuffed bunny, my steadfast companion since forever.
People would laugh if they knew, me carrying around a stuffed baby toy, but
Melissa never tells. Fast forward to middle school. The braces on Melissa’s
teeth are still so new that the silver catches the light from the fluorescent
fixtures when she smiles. The headgear is huge, cumbersome, and no one lets her
forget it. But I relentlessly defend my friend. She’s so beautiful, can’t they
see? Sometimes I leave flowers stolen from a neighbor’s rose bush at her locker
when no one is looking. That way people will know that she is loved. High
school. Melissa and me, same as always. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“What do you
want to bet?” Melissa asks.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Whoever gets the
most predictions right wins. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Hmm,” I say.
“If I win, you have to quit smoking.” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Melissa almost
chokes. “Pulling out the big guns, are we? Okay, then. If I win, you have to
break up with Jason.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Deal,” I say,
knowing that she won’t win. She never does.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Melissa purses
her lips and gives me the stink eye. She knows I have a better chance. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Faith, I will
find a way to break you out of your mold,” she says.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I laugh,
partially because of the determination in my friend’s eyes, but mostly because
of the absurdity of her statement. Everybody knows that girls like me never
break free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">2</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Diego</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Diego,<span style="mso-ansi-language: ES-MX;"> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="ES-MX">vamonos</span></i></span>.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
can’t help the frustrated sigh that escapes my lips, hurled at <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mi padre</i>,<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>my dad, like a gust of wind that threatens to flatten our house of
cards. It’s my fault. I should have built something stronger with the cards I
was dealt. But I didn’t. I didn’t know how. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Go away,” I
say. “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Vete</i>.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’m not planning
to attend school today. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In fact, I
didn’t plan to be in the States at all. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Vamonos</i>. Let’s go,” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mi padre </i>repeats in his heavily accented voice, yanking me off of
the couch. “You will not miss senior year.” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>He
has this new thing where we have to speak English as much as possible now that
we live in the States. I almost wish I weren’t fluent. Several trips to
Florida, and I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>With
a grimace, I pass him, reluctantly moving toward my room. It feels like my feet
are sinking, like I’m walking over sticky sand instead of thick, dirty carpet. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How did I get stuck in this place? </i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I open my
dresser drawer and pull out faded jeans, a white T-shirt, and my Smith &
Wesson. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“No,”
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mi padre </i>says, grabbing the gun.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
take a step toward him, challenging. He does not back down. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“This is why we
left,” he says.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Hypocrite. Under
his bed is a similar gun, waiting. Just in case. But he’s also the one who
taught me how to fight. I’m bigger than he is, but he has more experience. And
the scars to prove it. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Not that I
haven’t been in countless fights myself.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Fine,”
I say through clenched teeth, and turn toward the bathroom.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
hot water heater goes out after five minutes. The tiny two-bedroom
apartment—this hole we now call home—is the only thing <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mi padre </i>could afford. It’s not much, but it’s inexpensive. That’s
all that matters. The plain white walls remind me of an asylum. Feels like I’m
going crazy already.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Our jobs keep us
afloat. They’re our life vests, our only chance of survival in a sea of
ravenous sharks. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mi padre</i> found a job
with a lawn crew a couple weeks ago. Not many people would hire him with his
scarred face and tattooed body. A restaurant offered me work part-time. Two
shifts as a cook, one as a busboy. They promised a free meal every night that I
worked. Couldn’t pass that up.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Don’t
be late for school or work,” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mi padre</i>
says as I step out of the house.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">School’s only
ten minutes away. I walk, staring at the graffiti-covered sidewalk that
stretches in front of me like a ribbed canvas. Latinos roam the block. It
didn’t take moving to the States for me to know that’s how it is. The <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">gringos</i>, white people, live in nice
houses and drive cars to school while the rest of the world waits for a piece
of their leftovers. I’m trying not to think about how screwed up it all is when
a Latina walks up to me.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hola</i>,” she says. “<span class="ft"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">¿Hablas inglés?</span></i></span><span class="ft"><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">”</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="ft"><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">“Yeah,
I speak English,” I answer, though I’m not sure why she asks since both of us
speak Spanish. </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="ft"><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">“I’m
Lola.” She smiles, sexy brown eyes big and wide. She reminds me of a girl I
knew back home. Just the thought, the image of home, makes my guts clench. </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="ft"><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">“What’s
your name?” she purrs.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="ft"><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">“Lola,”
a Latino calls from across the street. She ignores him. He calls again. When
she doesn’t come, he approaches us.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="ft"><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">One
look tells me he’s angry. He has a cocky stance and a shaved head.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="ft"><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">“Am
I interrupting something?” he snaps.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="ft"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">What’s this guy’s problem?</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="ft"><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">“Yep,”
Lola says, turning her back on him. “My ex,” she explains, brushing a strand of
curly hair out of her face. </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="ft"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">Perfecto</span></i></span><span class="ft"><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">. Just what I need. I didn’t even do anything. Not that I’m going
to explain<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">.</i></span></span></span> </div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“She’s mine,”
the guy says, staring me down. “<span class="ft"><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">¿</span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Entiendes, amigo</i>?”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I’m
not your friend,” I say, gritting my teeth. “And you do not want to mess with
me.” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Lola
is smiling. I wonder if she enjoys the attention. Probably. I’ve met too many
girls like her. She fits the type. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“You
don’t know who <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you’re</i> messing with,”
he says, stepping closer.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A
few guys come out of nowhere, closing in on me. Blue and white bandanas hang
from their pockets like a bad-luck charm. I know what the colors signify. Mara
Salvatrucha 13 Gang, or MS-13. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I turn to Lola.
Watch her smile. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This
is all part of the game. What I can’t figure out is if the guy really is her ex
and she doesn’t care that she could be getting me killed, or if he sent her to
see how tough I am, to help decide whether he wants to recruit me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
turn to walk away, but someone blocks my path. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Going
somewhere?” another gang-banger asks. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This
whole time I’ve wondered if I’d end up fighting at school. I hadn’t thought about
the fact that I may never make it in the first place. I silently curse <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mi padre</i> for hiding my gun. He wouldn’t
get rid of it completely, though.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“What
do you want?” I ask. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
original guy laughs, looks me up and down. The number 67 is tattooed behind his
right ear in bold black numbers. It only takes me a second to figure out the
meaning. Six plus seven equals thirteen. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“What are those
markings?” he asks, eyeing my tattoos.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Nothing,”
I lie.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>If
they wanted to fight me, they would’ve done it already. This is a recruit.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Where
you from?” he asks.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
don’t answer. Members of MS-13 stretch around the globe like fingers. They can
easily check my past. I’m not gonna give them a head start.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Swallow
your tongue?” one of the guys asks. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’m
trying to figure out if I can win a fight against the five guys who surround
me. I look for weak spots, scars, old injuries. I look for bulges that might be
weapons. I’m a good fighter. I think I can take them. But at the same time,
fighting will guarantee me a follow-up visit from MS-13.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Just
then, someone speaks behind us. “Is there a problem?” a police officer asks
from the safety of his car.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Everyone
backs away from me. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Nope,” one of
the gangbangers answers. “We were just leaving.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“See
you around,” 67 says, throwing an arm around Lola.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
turn my back and walk the last block to school. The police officer trails
slowly behind, like a hungry dog sniffing for scraps. He leaves as I enter the
double doors.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
think about what my dad said. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Moving here
will give you a brighter future.</i></span> </div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">His words sit
heavily on my mind, like humidity on every pore of my skin. His intentions are
good, but he’s wrong. So far, moving here has done nothing but remind me of my
past.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">3</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Faith</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Hi, I’m Faith Watters.” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Those are the
first words I speak to the new Cuban guy in the front office. He grimaces.
He’ll be a tough one. I can handle it, though. He’s not the first. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I can’t help but
notice that he looks a lot like a model from the neck up—eyes the color of oak,
strong bone structure. Everywhere else, he looks a lot like a criminal.
Chiseled, scarred body … I wonder for a second about the meaning behind the
tattoos scratched into his arms. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">One thing’s
clear. He’s dangerous. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And he’s
beautiful. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“I’ll show you
to your classes,” I announce. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’m one of the
peer helpers at our school. It’s not my favorite thing to do, but it counts as
a class. Basically I spend the first two days with new students, introducing
them around and answering their questions. Some parents with kids new to the
school voluntarily sign their students up, but it’s only mandatory for the
international students, of which we have a lot. Mostly Latinos.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This
Cuban guy towers over me. I’m five six. Not tall. Not short. Just average.
Average is good. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This guy’s not
average. Not even a little bit. He must be over six feet. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
glance up at him, kind of like I do when I’m searching for the moon in a sea of
darkness. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Looks like you
have math first. I’ll walk you there,” I offer.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“No
thanks, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">chica</i>. I can handle it.” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“It’s
no problem,” I say, leading the way. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>He
tries to snatch his schedule from my hands, but I move too fast. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Why
don’t we start with your name?” I suggest.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
already know his name. Plus some. Diego Alvarez. Eighteen years old. Moved from
Cuba two weeks ago. Only child. No previous school records. I read it in his
bio. I want to hear him say it. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“You
got some kinda control issues or somethin’?” he asks harshly, voice slightly
accented.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“You
got some kind of social issues or somethin’?” I fire back, holding my stance. I
won’t let him intimidate me, though I’ll admit, he’s hot. Too bad he has a
nasty attitude. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
side of his lip twitches. “No. I just don’t mix with your type,” he answers.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“My
type?”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“That’s
what I said.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“You
don’t even know my type.” No one does. Well, except Melissa.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>He
chuckles humorlessly. “Sure I do. Head cheerleader? Date the football player?
Daddy’s little girl who gets everything she wants?” He leans closer to whisper.
“Probably a virgin.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My
cheeks burn hot. “I’m not a cheerleader,” I say through clamped teeth. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Whatever,”
he says. “Are you gonna give me my schedule or not?”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Not,”
I answer. “But you can feel free to follow me to your first class.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>He
steps in front of me, intimately close. “Listen, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">chica</i>, nobody tells me what to do.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
shrug. “Fine, suit yourself. It’s your life. But if you want to attend this
school, it’s mandatory for me to show you to your classes for two days.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>His
eyes narrow. “Who says I want to attend this school?” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
take the last step toward him, closing the gap between us. When we were little,
Melissa and I used to collect glass bottles. Whenever we accumulated twenty,
we’d break them on the concrete. When the glass shattered, the slivered pieces
made a breathtaking prism of light. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I cut myself on
the glass by accident once. It was painful, but worth it. The beauty was worth
it. It’s funny how the bottle was never as beautiful as when it was broken. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You will not shatter me</i>, I silently tell
Diego. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Somebody already did.</i></span> </div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“If you don’t
want to be here, then don’t come back,” I say.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A
taunting smile spreads across his face. My first thought is that he has nice
teeth, but then I scold myself for thinking about him like that. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“My
name is Diego,” he says, like he’s letting me in on some kind of secret. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Well,
Diego,” I say, “better hurry. Class starts in two minutes.” I step around him
to lead the way.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">While we walk to
math, I feel Diego’s eyes on me. I don’t know what it is about him. All the
other confident students had nothing on me, and I swear I’ve heard it all, but
he seems different. He shines. In a dark way. When he looks at me, I get a
tingly sensation, like I’m being zapped by electricity.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It doesn’t
matter. He’s rude. And besides, I have a wonderful boyfriend. Jason. Think
about Jason. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Quit staring at
me,” I say, glancing at him.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">He laughs, and
strands of black hair fall into his eyes. I imagine it’s a little like looking
at the world through charred silk.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Why? Does it
make you uncomfortable?” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">He’s messing
with me to get under my skin, like a pesky little splinter. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It’s working. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Yes,” I answer.
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In his white
shirt, Diego’s skin is dark. Perpetually tanned by heritage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I keep Diego’s
schedule out of his reach. He inches closer, no doubt to grab it and run. I try
to concentrate on the newly painted beige walls and tiled floors. Every few
feet hangs a plaque about achievement or school clubs or tutoring programs.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When we come to
the door, Diego rests an arm on the wall and leans toward me. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“I have a
proposition for you,” he says in a sultry voice. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It’s hard to
seem unaffected.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“I don’t do
propositions,” I say dismissively.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">He grins, his
mouth arching up like the curl of a wave. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“But you haven’t
even heard me out,” he says.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Don’t need to.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">He ignores my
comment. “What do you say we forget about this thing where I follow you around
like a little dog? And when the guidance counselor asks, I will say you were
superlative.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Big word,” I
mumble. This guy did not do well on his entry exams, but he says things like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">superlative</i>? What’s with that?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">He glares at me;
I sigh. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“You know, it
wouldn’t kill you to drop the tough-guy act for two days. You’ll be rid of me
soon.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I turn to leave
but Diego grabs my arm gently. My breath catches. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“It’s not an
act,” he says, jaw hard. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I wave him away
nonchalantly, like his touch didn’t just do all kinds of crazy things to my
body—things that make me want to forget about the warning blaring in my mind. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I need to stay
away from him.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I need to forget
him.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Will you touch me again please?</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I walk away. He
watches me go. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“By the way,” I
say as I flick a look over my shoulder at his hardened face, “I see right
through you.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br clear="all" style="mso-special-character: line-break; page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">4</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Diego</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">She
sees right through me? What does that mean? </i>I wonder for the twentieth time
as I enter the cafeteria. I managed to avoid my peer helper after my first few
classes, rushing out before she could meet me. Did she really think I couldn’t
get another class schedule? Maybe next time she won’t underestimate me. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A sweet smell
hits my nostrils as I pass the fruit section. It smells like my peer helper,
and I’m reminded of my disgust for her. She thinks she knows me, but she knows
nothing. She’s a snob, trying to prove something. They’re all the same. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Girls
like her don’t know what it’s like to struggle, really struggle. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She’s probably
never gone so hungry her stomach knots. Never roamed the streets wondering if
she’ll have a safe place to sleep. With a face and body like hers, she’s
probably never had to work for anything in her life. The people she represents,
the life she lives, it’s all fake. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Javier, my
cousin, warned me about her. She’s one of the Big Five, the ones who think they
rule this school. Even with her perfect boyfriend and flawless life, she isn’t
fooling me. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I hear Javier
before I see him. “Diego, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">aquí</i>.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Through the
crowd, I spot my cousin sitting with a group of Latinos. With his six-foot,
two-hundred-pound frame, he’s hard to miss. I approach him. One of his friends
mumbles something in Spanish about how tall I am. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Hey, what can I
say? They make ’em big in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mi familia</i>,”
Javier says, laughing. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Truth backhands
me. I realize now that I never actually thought I would see Javier again. After
… after … no. I shove the thoughts away. Not here. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Not here.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“What’s up,
’cuz?” Javier says.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Nada</i>.” I force a smile, though my relief
is real. It’s good to see family.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“<i>¡Siéntate!”
Javier says.</i><i><span style="font-style: normal; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"></span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><span style="font-style: normal; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">I sit. Sitting is usually
an indulgence for those who can afford to relax. I pretend for a moment that
I’m one of them. My cousin takes a minute to introduce his friends. </span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><span style="font-style: normal; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">“Diego, this is Ramon,
Esteban, Juan, Rodolfo, and Luis.” </span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><span style="font-style: normal; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Ramon and Esteban, with
their slight overbites and similar features, must be brothers. Juan has a large
head for his small frame; he’s covered in tattoos. Rodolfo has a smile full of
white teeth and a dimple on the left side of his cheek. What happened to the
other dimple? It’s as though God had an asymmetrical look in mind when He
created him. Next to my cousin, Luis is the biggest. He has lots of freckles,
splattered on his face like paint, seeping into his skin.</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><span style="font-style: normal; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">“Welcome to </span>los
Estados Unidos</i><i><span style="font-style: normal; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">,”
Juan says, biting into his burger.</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><span style="font-style: normal; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">“</span>Gracias</i><i><span style="font-style: normal; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">,” I reply. </span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><span style="font-style: normal; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">My stomach growls, an
animal hungry to live. Javier notices. </span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><span style="font-style: normal; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">“Come with me.” He motions
for me to follow him through the crowd.</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><span style="font-style: normal; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">As we walk to the lunch
line, I spot my peer helper at a table, surrounded by her friends. There’s one
of her kind at every school. The girl everyone hates to love and loves to hate.
She’s probably been stabbed in the back countless times. Not that she would
know, since everyone acts fake to her face. Her friends remind me of worker
bees, buzzing for the queen’s attention. I wonder if she knows that the workers
eventually kill the queen. </span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“When you get to
the front, show them your student ID,” Javier says. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The guidance
counselor already explained that I get one free lunch a day because of our low
income. As we pass the food selections, I cannot believe the prices.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Are they for
real?” I ask. “Six dollars for chicken and fries?”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I have an image
of Faith Watters taking out her designer wallet and easily paying for one of
the pretentious lunches. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Yep. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gringos</i>,” Javier says, eyes hardening.
He remembers what it was like in Cuba, the struggle. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Just by looking
at the lunchroom crowd, it’s clear who the haves and have-nots are.
Surprisingly, though, there are more Latinos than I expected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I grab a burger
and make my way to the register. As I pull out my ID, football players in
letterman jackets glance my way. Part of me wishes I had it easy like them:
popular, at ease, able to pay for things. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I shouldn’t want
to be like them.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I don’t want to
be like them.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Yes, I do.</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Some days.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The bigger part
of me knows that a life like that will never happen for someone like me. It’s
just the way things are. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I grab a water bottle
and head back to the table with Javier. Do people here know that most of the
world doesn’t get water from a bottle, but from a stream or river or muddy
ground?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“So, you fittin’
in well?” Javier asks. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Yep.” For the
most part. No one has singled me out for being new. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Latinos blend
around here. One of the good things about Florida,” he says.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">We pass a
beautiful girl on the way back to our seat. I take a moment to look. She
smiles. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“That’s
Isabella,” Javier explains. “Sexy, but taken.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Too bad,” I say.
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’m not looking
for a girlfriend, but it would be nice to have a little fun. I’m almost at the
table when someone steps in front of me. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“What’s your
problem?” my peer helper asks, one of her friends in tow.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Momentarily
shocked by her boldness, I quickly regain my hard stance. Just like earlier,
she doesn’t seem fazed by me. She’s either tougher than I thought, or she puts
on a great front. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“I don’t know
what you mean,” I reply. I try to feign confusion, but a smile creeps through.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Oh, you think
this is funny?” she asks, hands on her hips. For a second, she looks kind of
beautiful, eyes hard and old. Wisps of hair fall out of her ponytail and around
her face like angel feathers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“A little.” I
grin.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She huffs. “You
weren’t there to meet me after your classes this morning. If I report you, you
could lose your chance to attend this school.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Is she
threatening me? “Like I said, I already have a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mamá</i>. I don’t answer to you.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I hand my tray
to Javier. He sets it on the table so I can deal with her.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“You’re being
difficult,” she says.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“So are you.” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What is your weakness?</i> is what I want to
ask.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She doesn’t back
down. “I’ll be there <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">before</i> the end
of your next class. Don’t even think about ditching me again.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I have to, don’t you see?</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“I’m serious,”
she says.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This girl is
asking for it. I glance at her blond friend, who’s eyeing Javier, not paying us
any attention. I wish my peer helper was as easily distracted. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Being tough does
not scare Faith Watters. Time to change tactics. I relax and flash a grin. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mami</i>, why don’t I help you loosen up a
little?” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She blinks, but
doesn’t show any outward evidence that my words have affected her. I move
close, very close. When I look down at her, she doesn’t look away. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Her eyes remind
me of stained glass, bright and cutting. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“We could have a
good time, you and me,” I say, mischief punctuating my voice. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“I don’t think
so,” she says coldly. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I will not let
her upstage me. I give her a long, slow onceover. She dresses older than she
is, like she doesn’t belong in high school. I wonder what makes her so uptight.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What are you hiding, </i>chica<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">?</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I usually don’t
have to try with girls. It’s one of the very few advantages life has thrown my
way. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Oh, come on.
You might like Latino if you tried it,” I say, voice low. The guys behind me
laugh, egging me on. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“When you’re
done with him, I’m available, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mamacita</i>,”
Juan says. “I don’t mind leftovers.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She sneers.
Good. That’s progress.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Let me take you
out,” I say. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’m not really
going to take her anywhere. I just want to make a crack in her icy shield.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Why do you have a shield, anyway?</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Why?” she asks
suspiciously.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Because I know it annoys you when someone
else has control.</i> “Because it would be fun,” I say, bending close to her
face. “And I can promise you one thing.” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She looks
cautious. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It’s a look I
know well. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What?” she asks. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">That one night with me will relax you.</i></span> </div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Girls like her
love bad boys, whether they admit it or not. I imagine it’s similar to visiting
a haunted mansion. Exciting, at first. One foot slips through the door, then
the next. Heart hammers. Blood races. It’s a rush. A fix. Never knowing what’s
around the next corner, through the closed door, beyond the shadows. Trying to
find a way out. Not really wanting to leave. Wondering how close a person can
come to danger before something bad happens. Looking for the moonlight at the
end of the tunnel, an exit.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sometimes there is no light at the end of
the tunnel.</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I can show her
excitement like she’ll never experience with that boyfriend of hers. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But I don’t say
any of those things. Instead I let my lips brush her ear lobe as I answer. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“That you will
leave satisfied.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***********</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="null"><i><b>BEFORE YOU</b></i> releases from <a href="http://www.kteenbooks.com/catalog.aspx/category/324" target="_blank">KTeen Books</a> July 29, 2014, and its sequel, <i>AFTER US</i>, releases January 2015. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="null"> </span>***********</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>About the Author:</b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="null">Amber Hart grew up in Orlando, Florida and Atlanta,
Georgia. She now resides on the Florida coastline with family and
animals including, but not limited to, bulldogs, a cat, and dragons.
When unable to find a book, she can be found writing, daydreaming, or
with her toes in the sand. She's the author of <i>BEFORE YOU</i>, <i>AFTER US</i>, <i>
ECHOES</i>, and <i>ECHOES</i>' sequel (untitled). Represented by Beth
Miller of Writers House.</span> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> ***********</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>ALL THE LINKS!</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Available for preorder:</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/before-you-amber-hart/1117263130?ean=9781617731167" target="_blank">Barnes and Noble</a></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Before-You-Amber-Hart-ebook/dp/B00HQ2QI3S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1391127946&sr=8-1&keywords=Before+you+by+amber+hart" target="_blank">Amazon</a> (Kindle)</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Before-You-Amber-Hart/dp/1617731161/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1391127946&sr=8-1" target="_blank">Amazon</a> (paperback) </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b>***********<span class="null"><a class="_553k" href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/before-you-amber-hart/1117263130?ean=9781617731167" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"></a></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="null"><b>Find AMBER HART:</b> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="null">Website: <a class="_553k" href="http://www.amberhartbooks.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.amberhartbooks.com</a> </span></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="null">Twitter: <a class="_553k" href="http://www.twitter.com/AmberHartBooks" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.twitter.com/AmberHartBooks</a> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="null">Pinterest: <a class="_553k" href="http://www.pinterest.com/AmbersShelf" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.pinterest.com/AmbersShelf</a> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Happy Friday!</span></b></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-63427883920630584092014-01-28T20:44:00.000-08:002014-01-29T10:11:07.867-08:00A Cabin on the Lake? YES, PLEASE!<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I complain a lot. This is not one of my more redeeming qualities. I don't know <i>why</i> that is -- I am a grateful girl, glad for the lovely things and wonderful people in my life. But I'm also a high-strung individual who works a lot, who is always looking for new work and new ways to keep busy. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/02/06/vancouver-most-expensive-city-to-live-economist_n_2631806.html?just_reloaded=1" target="_blank">I live in an expensive city</a> secondary to Husband's career choice, so work is very necessary. Good thing I'm not great with sitting still. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But I sometimes feel like a factory child of the Industrial Revolution (she says from her padded chair in her heated house with access to a coffee pot and an almost-fresh package of American Oreos) who is only allowed to Work and never allowed to Fun. So imagine my great glee when my darling friend Jane said, "Hey. Come out to the cabin this weekend <i>sans enfants </i>and let's chill and watch our favorite movies and eat fun foods and pretend they're calorie-free." Don't quote me. It sounded something like that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">GUESS WHAT I DID? I left my house. For real. And it didn't involve a trip to a child's school, a doctor's office, or the bookstore. I did not stop for tampons or toilet paper; I did not go to the soccer field or piano school. I went instead to Cultus Lake, British Columbia, a scant 70-minute drive from my suburb, where I was given my own room in a beautiful lakefront cabin. For 25 hours, I was quiet. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It was so nice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">See?</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijCmdQCIrYROVK03IAmJ8RX-0UgL-WPXQ_Tpip9OjxsWNS41Lpuf1Z9gKZMLxvaOZfYLeC4gpCWVvQAu4D0zrJWdFtSmUmJsmkjONVrSPJFRF3UlNr3SrW7cSnN0wcQgWT7gG7lGlb0oo/s1600/1040381_10151881808906806_1415823236_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijCmdQCIrYROVK03IAmJ8RX-0UgL-WPXQ_Tpip9OjxsWNS41Lpuf1Z9gKZMLxvaOZfYLeC4gpCWVvQAu4D0zrJWdFtSmUmJsmkjONVrSPJFRF3UlNr3SrW7cSnN0wcQgWT7gG7lGlb0oo/s1600/1040381_10151881808906806_1415823236_o.jpg" height="640" width="426" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">That's me, with my camera. I use it sometimes.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioEKiT8xrX7a0GlrQ42RXWzgmUHazGT3RhaTEQ2wIJqDWk-5jvZRz6DqKrx7KrHiPngVjxsZ25dHEYVyRrZJs4eWPEWZv8h8GMQMxnzbakjBKHrARpt4BedYwJ3_TVNwDjvlwgPfDuerc/s1600/_DSC5607.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioEKiT8xrX7a0GlrQ42RXWzgmUHazGT3RhaTEQ2wIJqDWk-5jvZRz6DqKrx7KrHiPngVjxsZ25dHEYVyRrZJs4eWPEWZv8h8GMQMxnzbakjBKHrARpt4BedYwJ3_TVNwDjvlwgPfDuerc/s1600/_DSC5607.jpg" height="265" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">Cultus Lake, very still. Earlier that morning, it was shrouded in fog. Then the sun came out. No polar vortex in British Columbia.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">Quiet winter docks, missing their jubilant summer friends.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfyjA31jFocmC_58-Hm7n2FnOqnZYpOkADMj7vA9P3jVi5vN-kdrc21ZmlG3xrgPrHzv9woZ5YX-XIITccEWwL6eMY0FUUt-dGF-aPBbzgH-Qce6mWUJ3TIT-Z4T4NTtGKXA4RFmJQbhM/s1600/_DSC5613.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfyjA31jFocmC_58-Hm7n2FnOqnZYpOkADMj7vA9P3jVi5vN-kdrc21ZmlG3xrgPrHzv9woZ5YX-XIITccEWwL6eMY0FUUt-dGF-aPBbzgH-Qce6mWUJ3TIT-Z4T4NTtGKXA4RFmJQbhM/s1600/_DSC5613.jpg" height="640" width="424" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">The willow in Jane's yard, waiting for the sun to stay long enough so spindly arms can yawn and stretch skyward.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDeGu7Yy0QwRHMsNqggwsxlbUTJSnUtdR9rnrp4i2AEGI0-azP16BOdaWos0N_GFs2_bvy12enIc3spHU3BtWN-BmiX5-UZSbe80XOuY-F0abS-hN5oYQ7C2yGwVGmagZtCi7HF52UGxs/s1600/_DSC5619.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDeGu7Yy0QwRHMsNqggwsxlbUTJSnUtdR9rnrp4i2AEGI0-azP16BOdaWos0N_GFs2_bvy12enIc3spHU3BtWN-BmiX5-UZSbe80XOuY-F0abS-hN5oYQ7C2yGwVGmagZtCi7HF52UGxs/s1600/_DSC5619.jpg" height="640" width="424" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">Going home, we stopped at the lake's eastern side for a quick snap of the setting sun.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR_xa8JA8lmGwxEscPrJtKBy1erCVK6B_Ur8LYi-IsyTrCtqmdhqX8IczIhl_F-lUesHt8wwuC-Jx3SgSB7-hWfemHmtAYak4QHrsmXfCsEewh86B2csa137DJS1yszEGdorRSQ4LFg_Y/s1600/_DSC5623.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR_xa8JA8lmGwxEscPrJtKBy1erCVK6B_Ur8LYi-IsyTrCtqmdhqX8IczIhl_F-lUesHt8wwuC-Jx3SgSB7-hWfemHmtAYak4QHrsmXfCsEewh86B2csa137DJS1yszEGdorRSQ4LFg_Y/s1600/_DSC5623.jpg" height="265" width="400" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">Goodbye, sun. Thanks for a lovely day.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When I wasn't being quiet, we watched this (OF COURSE WE DID):</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj49ZYeUBcDZgRxx6Wkhd3tWFHstPcfXY5LiJMm1lpO7UQDVk-geoWxRtliH1CdUni1yCxLaUvz8IW12qwZtGyrqNqSh-vrr_NCqkc7GxETa5NN830iCcpRbFbCbYsZ0LS7c3XNEzfQ1J4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-01-28+at+7.31.16+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj49ZYeUBcDZgRxx6Wkhd3tWFHstPcfXY5LiJMm1lpO7UQDVk-geoWxRtliH1CdUni1yCxLaUvz8IW12qwZtGyrqNqSh-vrr_NCqkc7GxETa5NN830iCcpRbFbCbYsZ0LS7c3XNEzfQ1J4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-01-28+at+7.31.16+PM.png" height="296" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">Jane hadn't seen it. I felt that was a wrong begging for rectification. She enjoyed it, as I knew she would.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrj7ulSvefjWBgDxt7UoDPoPq9lrdG84X6721Zu54lqbtzVQs32ZtbWxp6N5xm7-ikBN8WmL-gKRhAJ_Cs7JrRF_Tla9n_FCGYeKeKpeBCgfxs4TkAelkeElwPM8iJr9cP8_VTj7GxuIc/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-01-28+at+7.32.21+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrj7ulSvefjWBgDxt7UoDPoPq9lrdG84X6721Zu54lqbtzVQs32ZtbWxp6N5xm7-ikBN8WmL-gKRhAJ_Cs7JrRF_Tla9n_FCGYeKeKpeBCgfxs4TkAelkeElwPM8iJr9cP8_VTj7GxuIc/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-01-28+at+7.32.21+PM.png" height="247" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">Because, well, vitamin Henry. #needIsaymore (See <a href="http://www.jennifersommersby.com/2013/11/film-score-lovers-anonymous-my-healthy.html" target="_blank">here</a> for more justification.)</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The point of this exercise, however, was more than a desperately needed mental health break. It was so I could spend uninterrupted, child-free time with my latest editorial letter. Yes, <i>Sleight</i>, the Little Book That Could, is still having her feathers rearranged. Every time, it stings a bit, but once the sting abates (usually after slathering my internal organs with copious amounts of sugar and caffeine), I LEARN SO MUCH. I don't know what I did right in this lifetime to deserve the editors I'm working with, but yeah ... it's pretty damn awesome. Lots of arguments slap back and forth across the Internet about traditional vs. self-publishing, and while I can happily call myself a hybrid (Jenn Sommersby + <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Must-Love-Otters-Eliza-Gordon-ebook/dp/B00G2V5G32/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_d_2" target="_blank">Eliza Gordon</a>), I will forever be grateful for the experience traditional publishing has granted me. Every time this manuscript returns covered in Band-Aids, I rip off one at a time, and the skin underneath <i>is so much prettier.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In other words, it's f**king rad what they do. HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Thanks, Hadley, for believing in me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And thank you, <a href="http://pixnprose.blogspot.ca/2014/01/so-good.html" target="_blank">Jane</a>, so much, for sharing your cabin with me. When can we go again? I have this book that needs another coat of paint here soon ...</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">IN OTHER NEWS:</span></b></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">If we're not Facebook friends, you're missing out on the fun stuff I've come across. Such as:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Game of Thrones Bad Lip Reading</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And the <b>Jaguar Superbowl Ad with MARK STRONG et al:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And who doesn't love some <b>MALEFICENT:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And then I<b> </b>rewrote the opening to <i>Romeo and Juliet</i> when my youngest and I decided en route to the elementary school that the drivers of the two daycare buses should have a death match for parking in our very congested school turnaround:</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">Two daycare buses, both alike in color,</span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"> In fair Coquitlam, where we lay our scene,</span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"> From months-long grudge break to new pissing match,</span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"> Where driver’s fists makes the other driver’s nose weep red.</span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"> From forth the yellow tube emerge these two foes</span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"> Fighting for prime parking among the strife;</span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"> Whose inability to park straight leads to raised voices</span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"> Do with warring chants screamed from car windows.</span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"> The <span class="text_exposed_show">fearful passage of their tiny charges running in fear,</span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"> And the aggravation of many parents' rage,</span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"> Which, but their children's safe entry into classrooms,</span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"> Is now the two hours' traffic of this congested street;</span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"> If only the principal would give an arse about our choler,</span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"> What here shall go unscreamed, our horns shall strive to mend.</span></span></span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">We learned about the skincare for <b>Throwback Thursday:</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And I failed in the kitchen. Again. Like I said, <i><b>WORK</b></i>.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifs77Ruk5uwzZehzgQezeVyFfFJeZ78V0TigXxBdm9J8q6qHUm9JGjgBBJ3euLa59BTmy7-ELgLlBsJIkAIDQ1uXhu6YiaWDGBp_4EqXKJHW249S2k1jkZIkGItH2s4r12W6Xv7eMtDgE/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-01-28+at+8.05.45+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifs77Ruk5uwzZehzgQezeVyFfFJeZ78V0TigXxBdm9J8q6qHUm9JGjgBBJ3euLa59BTmy7-ELgLlBsJIkAIDQ1uXhu6YiaWDGBp_4EqXKJHW249S2k1jkZIkGItH2s4r12W6Xv7eMtDgE/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-01-28+at+8.05.45+PM.png" height="281" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Coming soon ~ My rave review of Kenneth Oppel's upcoming <i>THE BOUNDLESS, </i>on sale April 21, 2014:</b></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWNAtD5ukdwjQ-C2eXHi42CbQ4yb0_9xSm0am3MwNYrtCamwzWwLo8oppP7HxPadAk1Fa3C7yARLsWLHTWmrS3xzVp1JOq0qh2mxOLfPqntWBrLi1XN5YSr9Q0DSEcZwr6gNLqYD5OeN0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-01-28+at+8.24.30+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWNAtD5ukdwjQ-C2eXHi42CbQ4yb0_9xSm0am3MwNYrtCamwzWwLo8oppP7HxPadAk1Fa3C7yARLsWLHTWmrS3xzVp1JOq0qh2mxOLfPqntWBrLi1XN5YSr9Q0DSEcZwr6gNLqYD5OeN0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-01-28+at+8.24.30+PM.png" height="320" width="216" /></a></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span id="freeText8370341109787261377">All aboard for an action-packed escapade from the internationally bestselling author of Airborne and the Silverwing trilogy.<br /><br />The Boundless,
the greatest train ever built, is on its maiden voyage across the
country, and first-class passenger Will Everett is about to embark on
the adventure of his life!<br /><br />When Will ends up in possession of the
key to a train car containing priceless treasures, he becomes the
target of sinister figures from his past.<br /><br />In order to survive,
Will must join a traveling circus, enlisting the aid of Mr. Dorian, the
ringmaster and leader of the troupe, and Maren, a girl his age who is an
expert escape artist. With villains fast on their heels, can Will and
Maren reach Will's father and save The Boundless before someone winds up dead?</span></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Mr. Oppel and I share the same editor at HCC (I can't believe I get to say that ... is this real life?), and I ADORED this book.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">*****</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Plus, </b>the fantastic folks at HarperCollins Canada sent me a boatload of books for giveaway during my upcoming participation in a middle school literacy conference. As such, I will put together a post so you can share in the literary fun time and add a bunch of great upcoming titles to your TBR list!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Off I must. Words need making.</span><br />
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<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Bonne nuit!</span></b></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(And speaking of Nuit ...)</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She won't catch her mouse, but she will catch a BLT. #truth</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-23156348381495602792013-12-08T15:32:00.001-08:002013-12-08T17:36:28.513-08:00It's TIME to Buy BOOKS: A Middle-Grade Books List for Your Eager Reader<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It's THAT time of year again. Holidays. Egg nog. Cookie exchanges and Christmas pageants and Hanukkah parties and Festivus and all the other things that people do (I do not discriminate) to bring some joy into our eight-point-two-five hours of chilled daylight. We watch <i>It's A Wonderful Life</i> and swear we'll do better next year and forgive our transgressors. Then more eating. Complaining about cold. Complaining about snow. Complaining that there isn't any snow. Complaining that a bear pooped in the snow next to the house. Complaining because the beagle ate the poop that the bear left next to the house. Dreaming about <strike>Superman</strike> Santa bringing you presents. Drinking too much rum punch and dancing on your boss's desk and then going through his email because you have the passwords and then turning all those photos of him and his chippie in his PRIVATE DO NOT LOOK HERE photo folder into Christmas cards that you send to his wife's family.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">What? Did I say too much?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It is oft called the season of giving. As I have multiple underage humans living under my roof, they already know what they're gettin' from me: BOOKS. Always books. As my youngest says, "It's better than socks." (Although I guess this says something about how boring I am that I ask for socks every year.) Lately, I've had a number of folks ask me for recommendations for their avid juvenile readers, and I find it helpful to do these posts once in a while so I can say HERE READ MY BLOG and there's a list at the ready to fill the bookish shopping bags to the tippy-top.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A quick stop on the home pages of your favorite indie bookseller and/or e-retailer (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Chapters for the Canadians) will give you a smack in the face for what books are popular for Big Kids, but what about our little friends, those between the ages of "gross boys have cooties" and "maybe boys aren't so gross after all"? We call that The Middle Grades. Almost as scary as the Middle Ages, but without the decapitations and incest marriages.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Here's our list for some of our FAVORITE middle grade reads. Enjoy, and MERRY DECEMBER / HAPPY NEW YEAR!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">BOOKS BOOKS MORE BOOKS NEVER ENOUGH BOOKS</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b><span style="font-size: large;">Middle-grade edition </span></b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(Summaries pulled from Chapters.ca and Goodreads)</span><i><b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Shannon Messenger's <i><b>KEEPER OF THE LOST CITIES</b></i>. Though we
covered this title in an earlier post, the SEQUEL is out, which means you can
buy both books for your young reader and keep them busy for HOURS. Kendon, age
9, rates this on his Top Five Favorite Books Ever alongside <i>Wimpy Kid</i> and <i>The
Hobbit</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijoL6axpKwFEgklsEBuFofftgOcZBubfUc7tksXBtdrQu4q8cNluoOn5WgOak8lSHgZZwqul40C_P5sYeTrnah8XYToTLsYzLC-2reT1yUpcQP2lohEsMtnX7jYbdOyWMbKBzRgG8WWVo/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+12.13.27+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijoL6axpKwFEgklsEBuFofftgOcZBubfUc7tksXBtdrQu4q8cNluoOn5WgOak8lSHgZZwqul40C_P5sYeTrnah8XYToTLsYzLC-2reT1yUpcQP2lohEsMtnX7jYbdOyWMbKBzRgG8WWVo/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+12.13.27+PM.png" width="217" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In this riveting debut, a telepathic girl must figure out
why she is the key to her brand-new world--before the wrong person finds the
answer first.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Twelve-year-old Sophie has never quite fit into her life.
She's skipped multiple grades and doesn't really connect with the older kids at
school, but she's not comfortable with her family, either. And Sophie has a
secret--she's a Telepath, someone who can read minds. But the day Sophie meets
Fitz, a mysterious (and adorable) boy, she learns she's not alone. He's a
Telepath too, and it turns out the reason she has never felt at home is that,
well ... she isn't. Fitz opens Sophie's eyes to a shocking truth, and almost
instantly she is forced to leave behind her family for a new life in a place
that is vastly different from what she has ever known.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But Sophie still has secrets, and they're buried deep in her
memory for good reason: The answers are dangerous and in high-demand. What is
her true identity, and why was she hidden among humans? The truth could mean
life or death--and time is running out.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>KEEPER OF THE LOST CITIES: EXILE</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsQyzfbEB2H8px4Fr5SN4gMbdu_yWGzBxH6S6WfimDVUVV4R2Z4tiSFHIbf0ioQhSpcQTfYOPtAT_lfQisBIJF2HB_3K_bgJEJk5I1r5fE2Hxs6pfmUuR-meMDO3Hqp12x0kqHl9gLUOk/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+12.13.39+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsQyzfbEB2H8px4Fr5SN4gMbdu_yWGzBxH6S6WfimDVUVV4R2Z4tiSFHIbf0ioQhSpcQTfYOPtAT_lfQisBIJF2HB_3K_bgJEJk5I1r5fE2Hxs6pfmUuR-meMDO3Hqp12x0kqHl9gLUOk/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+12.13.39+PM.png" width="221" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Sophie Foster thought she was safe. Settled into her home at
Havenfield, surrounded by friends, and using her unique telepathic abilities to
train Silveny--the first female alicorn ever seen in the Lost Cities--her life
finally seems to be coming together.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But Sophie's kidnappers are still out there. And when Sophie
discovers new messages and clues from the mysterious Black Swan group, she’s
forced to take a terrifying risk—one that puts everyone in incredible danger.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As long buried secrets rise to the surface, it’s once again
up to Sophie to uncover hidden memories—before someone close to her is lost
forever.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In this second book in the <i>Keeper of the Lost Cities</i> series,
Sophie must journey to the darkest corners of her luminous world in a sequel
that will leave you breathless for more.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(For older readers, Messenger also has her YA series, <i>LET THE SKY FALL </i>and its recent sequel<i>, LET THE STORM BREAK.</i>) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Stefan Bachmann's <i><b>THE PECULIAR</b></i>:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Don't get yourself noticed and you won't get yourself
hanged.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In the faery slums of Bath, Bartholomew Kettle and his
sister Hettie live by these words. Bartholomew and Hettie are
changelings--Peculiars--and neither faeries nor humans want anything to do with
them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">One day a mysterious lady in a plum-colored dress comes
gliding down Old Crow Alley. Bartholomew watches her through his window. Who is
she? What does she want? And when Bartholomew witnesses the lady whisking away,
in a whirling ring of feathers, the boy who lives across the alley-Bartholomew
forgets the rules and gets himself noticed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">First he's noticed by the lady in plum herself, then by
something darkly magical and mysterious, by Jack Box and the Raggedy Man, by
the powerful Mr. Lickerish . . . and by Arthur Jelliby, a young man trying to
slip through the world unnoticed, too, and who, against all odds, offers
Bartholomew friendship and a way to belong.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Part murder mystery, part gothic fantasy, part steampunk
adventure, The Peculiar is Stefan Bachmann's riveting, inventive, and
unforgettable debut novel.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And the companion book, <i><b>THE WHATNOT</b></i>:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYd1VMXknHr8b2Lvwv_ToI504wyQpnJwyNjEor0GgZFWBa1gQtjYYVsacezg4B9UePyVT8he39HhQ_3oR5BCr-RFi99WnxC7Ip7gD6ZmlD4dM4h0hJtjrU_g8XBAuROCYX25AR2sWTaF0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+12.21.55+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYd1VMXknHr8b2Lvwv_ToI504wyQpnJwyNjEor0GgZFWBa1gQtjYYVsacezg4B9UePyVT8he39HhQ_3oR5BCr-RFi99WnxC7Ip7gD6ZmlD4dM4h0hJtjrU_g8XBAuROCYX25AR2sWTaF0/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+12.21.55+PM.png" width="208" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Oh, the Sly King, the Sly King, in his towers of ash and
wind.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Pikey Thomas doesn't know how or why he can see the
changeling girl. But there she is. Not in the cold, muddy London neighborhood where
Pikey lives. Instead, she's walking through the trees and snow of the enchanted
Old Country or, later, racing through an opulent hall. She's pale and small,
and she has branches growing out of her head. Her name is Henrietta Kettle.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Pikey's vision, it turns out, is worth something. Worth
something to Hettie's brother—a brave adventurer named Bartholomew Kettle.
Worth something to the nobleman who protects him. And Pikey is not above
bartering—Pikey will do almost anything to escape his past; he'll do almost
anything for a life worth living.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The faeries—save for a mysterious sylph and a mischievous
cobble faery or two—have been chased out of London. They've all gone north. The
army is heading north, too. So Pikey and Bartholomew follow, collecting
information, piecing together clues, searching for the doorway that will lead
them to Hettie.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The Whatnot is the enthralling, surprising, and unforgettable
companion to Stefan Bachmann's internationally bestselling debut novel The
Peculiar.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>THE ONE AND ONLY IVAN</b></i>, a breathtaking tale by Katherine
Applegate:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTQwtMoHlqqwlthXYuJDkDLwENMysxLbwjPCtVLAwUaW3RNsb5YY6EnkTyc-cy_bLycjibJV5DwA_SpcoBbASvO0FuUg_Qvbq-L9L9JddXUxXSQFNZ2BhMsQIuiWogmtnYHIoGLFwPh3M/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.42.02+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTQwtMoHlqqwlthXYuJDkDLwENMysxLbwjPCtVLAwUaW3RNsb5YY6EnkTyc-cy_bLycjibJV5DwA_SpcoBbASvO0FuUg_Qvbq-L9L9JddXUxXSQFNZ2BhMsQIuiWogmtnYHIoGLFwPh3M/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.42.02+PM.png" width="229" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Ivan is an easygoing gorilla. Living at the Exit 8 Big Top
Mall and Video Arcade, he has grown accustomed to humans watching him through
the glass walls of his domain. He rarely misses his life in the jungle. In
fact, he hardly ever thinks about it at all.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Instead, Ivan thinks about TV shows he's seen and about his
friends Stella, an elderly elephant, and Bob, a stray dog. But mostly Ivan
thinks about art and how to capture the taste of a mango or the sound of leaves
with color and a well-placed line.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Then he meets Ruby, a baby elephant taken from her family,
and she makes Ivan see their home-and his own art-through new eyes. When Ruby
arrives, change comes with her, and it's up to Ivan to make it a change for the
better.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Katherine Applegate blends humor and poignancy to create
Ivan's unforgettable first-person narration in a story of friendship, art, and
hope.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Tui T. Sutherland's <i><b>WINGS OF FIRE: THE DRAGONET PROPHECY (Book One)</b></i>:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>
</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh45q3gNd4qN14oA1SC4V5BvFmDdVrOYQkQpqVV5PVZ5E69F8DpQ3WPzbxmXagMxwKItZoRa7wgV2BIjJdwTJOBkQ93pv0rIilb3PyEM4SK0PYqP6ovrPMu5KzFjDPJdWCeIa3i13rI-Bw/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+12.22.57+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh45q3gNd4qN14oA1SC4V5BvFmDdVrOYQkQpqVV5PVZ5E69F8DpQ3WPzbxmXagMxwKItZoRa7wgV2BIjJdwTJOBkQ93pv0rIilb3PyEM4SK0PYqP6ovrPMu5KzFjDPJdWCeIa3i13rI-Bw/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+12.22.57+PM.png" width="207" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Clay and his friends have grown up under a mountain,
secretly raised by the Talons of Peace to fulfill a mysterious prophecy. The
five young dragons are destined to end the war that's been raging between the
tribes of Pyrrhia—but how they'll do this, none of them knows. But not every
dragonet wants a destiny. When one of their own is threatened, Clay and his
friends decide to escape. Maybe they can break free and end the war at the same
time—or maybe they'll risk everything.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Other books in this series (I love series for this age of readers because they go through the titles so fast and they're not always the most patient when we have to say THE NEXT BOOK ISN'T OUT FOR A YEAR SORRY):</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>WINGS OF FIRE: THE LOST HEIR (Book Two)</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>
</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>WINGS OF FIRE: THE HIDDEN KINGDOM (Book Three)</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>
</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>WINGS OF FIRE: THE DARK SECRET (Book Four) </b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Tone Almhjell’s <i><b>THE TWISTROSE KEY</b></i> -- I have heard amazing things about this book and can't wait to dive in:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOr3muscCw1DkRd9Jlfks9VOMwrRzWjqWAeXfEdWXVWJho5ej1vvCHzIUcGap2y3EBuYXvjAsCj2PCbAWDT9f9HLrLzjarMetDS63Rwvt-fxyf428rzlB0msV2JLp5-O6WYQ35uVMcXMU/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.35.30+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOr3muscCw1DkRd9Jlfks9VOMwrRzWjqWAeXfEdWXVWJho5ej1vvCHzIUcGap2y3EBuYXvjAsCj2PCbAWDT9f9HLrLzjarMetDS63Rwvt-fxyf428rzlB0msV2JLp5-O6WYQ35uVMcXMU/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.35.30+PM.png" width="213" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Something is wrong in the house that Lin's family has
rented; Lin is sure of it. The clocks tick too slowly. Frost covers the flowerbed,
even in a rain storm. And when a secret key marked "Twistrose"
arrives for her, Lin finds a crack in the cellar, a gate to the world of
Sylver. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This frozen realm is the home of every dead animal who ever loved a child. Lin
is overjoyed to be reunited with Rufus, the pet she buried under the rosebush.
But together they must find the missing Winter Prince in order to save Sylver
from destruction.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">They are not the only ones hunting for the boy this night.
In the dark hides a shadow-lipped man, waiting for the last Winter Prince to be
delivered into his hands.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Exhilarating suspense and unforgettable characters await the
readers of this magical adventure, destined to become a classic.</span></div>
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<br />
******<br />
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I have to add this one because OF COURSE, Lemony Snicket is terrific fun and has tons of titles available for young readers (including the <i>Series of Unfortunate Events</i> franchise), but also because Snicket is a HarperCollins author and shares my Canadian editor, which makes us practically <i>related. </i>Hi, Brother Snicket!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8lLHJ2e4BgjLwHEkb_i8rmkefPC04muXLT2EILFzp_lukdctYpv5xGdaTHvREWQQpZEUL6iXHiTIt__IdR2SE36pVWyDNGMa9e7a0cLcFYekHI3Jt32kJeBIfIFzx0uNcamwAR-ZLFxM/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.36.56+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8lLHJ2e4BgjLwHEkb_i8rmkefPC04muXLT2EILFzp_lukdctYpv5xGdaTHvREWQQpZEUL6iXHiTIt__IdR2SE36pVWyDNGMa9e7a0cLcFYekHI3Jt32kJeBIfIFzx0uNcamwAR-ZLFxM/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.36.56+PM.png" width="211" /></a><b><i>WHEN DID YOU SEE HER LAST?</i> </b>(Volume 2 in the
<i>All The Wrong Questions</i> series – Volume 1 is <i><b>Who Could That Be At This Hour?</b></i>): </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The eagerly anticipated second volume in the #1 <i>New York
Times</i> bestselling series:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In the fading town of Stain'd-by-the-Sea, young apprentice
Lemony Snicket has a new case to solve when he and his chaperone are hired to
find a missing girl. Is the girl a runaway? Or was she kidnapped? Was she seen
last at the grocery store? Or could she have stopped at the diner? Is it really
any of your business? These are all the wrong questions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Maile Meloy’s <i><b>THE APOTHECARY</b></i>:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU11c9taLdf8uJXLxf_Bh-d0v-i-LSrkPgv6xd7BO3-nGplchO1bIhpTnDcaZxHMgzuAWNfLnF764Ks3Xzd8um-B1tpbvAy06KNa09ROcXCI4wduU5uotxDBD1Wugx9kRcWTHly4bBf2g/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.52.21+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU11c9taLdf8uJXLxf_Bh-d0v-i-LSrkPgv6xd7BO3-nGplchO1bIhpTnDcaZxHMgzuAWNfLnF764Ks3Xzd8um-B1tpbvAy06KNa09ROcXCI4wduU5uotxDBD1Wugx9kRcWTHly4bBf2g/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.52.21+PM.png" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It's 1952 and the Scott family has just moved from Los
Angeles to London. Here, fourteen-year-old Janie meets a mysterious apothecary
and his son, Benjamin Burrows—a fascinating boy who's not afraid to stand up to
authority and dreams of becoming a spy. When Benjamin's father is kidnapped,
Janie and Benjamin must uncover the secrets of the apothecary's sacred book,
the Pharmacopoeia, in order to find him, all while keeping it out of the hands
of their enemies—Russian spies in possession of nuclear weapons. Discovering
and testing potions they never believed could exist, Janie and Benjamin embark
on a dangerous race to save the apothecary and prevent impending disaster.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Together with Ian Schoenherr's breathtaking illustrations,
this is a truly stunning package from cover to cover. Contains a teaser chapter
of the sequel, The Apprentices.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And the sequel, <i><b>THE APPRENTICES</b></i>:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It's 1954, and Janie Scott is in boarding school in New
Hampshire, trying to make a new life. Two years have passed since she last saw
the mysterious apothecary—or his defiant son, Benjamin. All she knows is that
her friends are out there somewhere, trying to keep the world safe in an age of
mounting atomic power. On the other side of the world, Benjamin is treating the
wounded in a jungle war, and experimenting with a magical new formula that will
let him communicate with Janie across the globe.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But Janie has her own experiment underway, and it's
attracting interest from sinister forces. Benjamin calls on their friend Pip
for help, and they have to race to find one another, and to unravel the mystery
of their powerful new enemies.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A magical new adventure, following Maile Meloy's critically
acclaimed novel The Apothecary, with captivating illustrations by Ian
Schoenherr.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Beautiful, beautiful Kate DiCamillo’s <b><i>FLORA & ULYSSES: THE ILLUMINATED
ADVENTURES</i></b>:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieuR1hW2j-EOLQSaRhP0dC7DYr09DVMmgkuDJBHoCxL-Qmwk290HqD8ZB1e93l1KWnQeH6wu550gcu9k5FKq3cv7gq3Cm3ESUOvA16y9uzaDNJjeNmzeYzbk5b2zbu8l93hvybzdQzdKA/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.41.05+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieuR1hW2j-EOLQSaRhP0dC7DYr09DVMmgkuDJBHoCxL-Qmwk290HqD8ZB1e93l1KWnQeH6wu550gcu9k5FKq3cv7gq3Cm3ESUOvA16y9uzaDNJjeNmzeYzbk5b2zbu8l93hvybzdQzdKA/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.41.05+PM.png" width="245" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It begins, as the best superhero stories do, with a tragic
accident that has unexpected consequences. The squirrel never saw the vacuum
cleaner coming, but self-described cynic Flora Belle Buckman, who has read
every issue of the comic book Terrible Things Can Happen to You!, is the just
the right person to step in and save him. What neither can predict is that
Ulysses (the squirrel) has been born anew, with powers of strength, flight, and
misspelled poetry - and that Flora will be changed too, as she discovers the
possibility of hope and the promise of a capacious heart. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">From #1 New York Times best-selling author Kate DiCamillo
comes a laugh-out-loud story filled with eccentric, endearing characters and
featuring an exciting new format—a novel interspersed with comic-style graphic
sequences and full-page illustrations, all rendered in black-and-white by
up-and-coming artist K. G. Campbell.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Chris Colfer (of GLEE fame!) has a terrific series out -- <i><b>THE LAND OF STORIES: THE WISHING SPELL (Book One)</b></i> -- and these covers are <i>gorgeous</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghwNEYpcaBQUNXk5AsTIk0kO9IUc4JBjs2KvXRH58HpA6dQCrtE9rqhbW0h2byxJCJ0PXDgrc8DOtYkfoL1UMAnfhV1cIFoTqcqv3KhKf7SQ3IDJnFg4Gsx7iLc1Jo82vAPkqEO3YuL5o/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.41.26+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghwNEYpcaBQUNXk5AsTIk0kO9IUc4JBjs2KvXRH58HpA6dQCrtE9rqhbW0h2byxJCJ0PXDgrc8DOtYkfoL1UMAnfhV1cIFoTqcqv3KhKf7SQ3IDJnFg4Gsx7iLc1Jo82vAPkqEO3YuL5o/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.41.26+PM.png" width="219" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Alex and Conner Bailey's world is about to change, in this
fast-paced adventure that uniquely combines our modern day world with the
enchanting realm of classic fairy tales. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>The Land of Stories</i> tells the tale of twins Alex and Conner. Through the
mysterious powers of a cherished book of stories, they leave their world behind
and find themselves in a foreign land full of wonder and magic where they come
face-to-face with the fairy tale characters they grew up reading about. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But after a series of encounters with witches, wolves, goblins, and trolls
alike, getting back home is going to be harder than they thought.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>THE LAND OF STORIES (Book Two): THE ENCHANTRESS RETURNS</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6kLS0et0_VJCcCojgsoI4vB9A32H2rnSrZcX5l9Pmp566rmX_NJxitRZL3llcdhkIBDDtt7gVRZURgVTeJ5cH3BjwxfxRYtIp23CL1f_PBd-K0SYBSDqMsXGU1sTIvDVMjwIpG22GDyY/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.41.35+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6kLS0et0_VJCcCojgsoI4vB9A32H2rnSrZcX5l9Pmp566rmX_NJxitRZL3llcdhkIBDDtt7gVRZURgVTeJ5cH3BjwxfxRYtIp23CL1f_PBd-K0SYBSDqMsXGU1sTIvDVMjwIpG22GDyY/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.41.35+PM.png" width="220" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">After decades of hiding, the evil Enchantress who cursed
Sleeping Beauty is back with a vengeance. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Alex and Conner Bailey have not been back to the magical
Land of Stories since their adventures in The Wishing Spell ended. But one
night, they learn the famed Enchantress has kidnapped their mother! Against the
will of their grandmother, the twins must find their own way into the Land of
Stories to rescue their mother and save the fairy tale world from the greatest
threat it's ever faced.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Claire Legrand’s <i><b>YEAR OF SHADOWS</b></i>:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP12xQ65LAGVgv2uuYizkQO-UDagrPn-SaSacL84djzE488q-8jZANoSj21JweP4EhkRGvZJtLOqah3v0G4yEZpZOIi6xhz_HFqaeMekfoPahM8V8ROLDg8XoH-hEMGdBgBAW1DEO4OxM/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.49.51+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP12xQ65LAGVgv2uuYizkQO-UDagrPn-SaSacL84djzE488q-8jZANoSj21JweP4EhkRGvZJtLOqah3v0G4yEZpZOIi6xhz_HFqaeMekfoPahM8V8ROLDg8XoH-hEMGdBgBAW1DEO4OxM/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.49.51+PM.png" width="212" /></a>Olivia Stellatella is having a rough year.</span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Her mother's left, her neglectful father—the maestro of a failing orchestra—has
moved her and her grandmother into the city's dark, broken-down concert hall to
save money, and her only friend is Igor, an ornery stray cat.</span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Just when she thinks life couldn't get any weirder, she meets four ghosts who
haunt the hall. They need Olivia's help—if the hall is torn down, they'll be
stuck as ghosts forever, never able to move on.</span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Olivia has to do the impossible for her shadowy new friends: Save the concert
hall. But helping the dead has powerful consequences for the living … and soon
it's not just the concert hall that needs saving.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And <b><i>THE CAVENDISH HOME FOR BOYS AND GIRLS</i></b>:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiad7lBOgEPRppy9jTTbS-FFHqoxFs8AoM2oFhO-t3kMLFMBvgdwIJRIT5Dbn4ketQRStFwV0iv_Xq9ffjMbSozxRbnu4tfQRmYVo5QQzohn4wHSULRY6dSbjN4OVcu5mnap_tJOh5wZM0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.49.17+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiad7lBOgEPRppy9jTTbS-FFHqoxFs8AoM2oFhO-t3kMLFMBvgdwIJRIT5Dbn4ketQRStFwV0iv_Xq9ffjMbSozxRbnu4tfQRmYVo5QQzohn4wHSULRY6dSbjN4OVcu5mnap_tJOh5wZM0/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.49.17+PM.png" width="222" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">At the Cavendish Home for Boys and Girls, you will
definitely learn your lesson. A dark, timeless, and heartfelt novel for fans of
Coraline and The Mysterious Benedict Society. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Victoria hates nonsense. There is no need for it when your life is perfect. The
only smudge on her pristine life is her best friend Lawrence. He is a disaster—lazy
and dreamy, shirt always untucked, obsessed with his silly piano. Victoria
often wonders why she ever bothered being his friend. (Lawrence does too.) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But then Lawrence goes missing. And he's not the only one. Victoria soon
discovers that The Cavendish Home for Boys and Girls is not what it appears to
be. Kids go in but come out … different. Or they don't come out at all. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">If anyone can sort this out, it's Victoria—even if it means getting a little
messy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Lauren Oliver’s book <b><i>LIESL & PO</i></b> is one of my favorites. I’ve
ordered <i><b>THE SPINDLERS</b></i> for Christmas for my voracious reader:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm8JVzHJ6edBGeyI0W2v2Ksb3CMfweA4busDBKpGQOzomNU7Ag86dWWiXA5OpLEEKei_dJiRRXY78_74lezOQkMBgvdVczFk8o4jxoEWcF5ckN03YcOp3-NQhE8nvXmZRbgOCamRyiFQ0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.51.54+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm8JVzHJ6edBGeyI0W2v2Ksb3CMfweA4busDBKpGQOzomNU7Ag86dWWiXA5OpLEEKei_dJiRRXY78_74lezOQkMBgvdVczFk8o4jxoEWcF5ckN03YcOp3-NQhE8nvXmZRbgOCamRyiFQ0/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.51.54+PM.png" width="211" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When Liza's brother, Patrick, changes overnight, Liza knows
exactly what has happened: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The spindlers have gotten to him and stolen his
soul.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She knows, too, that she is the only one who can save him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">To rescue Patrick, Liza must go Below, armed with little
more than her wits and a broom. There, she uncovers a vast world populated with
talking rats, music-loving moles, greedy troglods, and overexcitable nids . . .
as well as strange monsters and terrible dangers. But she will face her greatest
challenge at the spindlers' nests, where she must pass a series of deadly
tests-or else her soul, too, will remain Below forever.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My agent raves about all things Rebecca Stead – <i><b>LIAR & SPY</b></i>. We're reading <i><b>WHEN YOU REACH ME</b>, </i>and Stead lives up to the hype.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0RUMa1bpkMm-2P-NjC8E7G4ET4mwQmHlvJ2wIkn2W_0sEn6DzdMUlcYYpUNiYAX3mpzHaeoJieJNYL3FgrlgJN8zUyFIyBaSAoJQZa3Z-Gk7WBqMMSK7JCd2f2MI_Th3wgKXLotyosD8/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.56.19+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0RUMa1bpkMm-2P-NjC8E7G4ET4mwQmHlvJ2wIkn2W_0sEn6DzdMUlcYYpUNiYAX3mpzHaeoJieJNYL3FgrlgJN8zUyFIyBaSAoJQZa3Z-Gk7WBqMMSK7JCd2f2MI_Th3wgKXLotyosD8/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.56.19+PM.png" width="207" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The instant New York Times bestseller from the author of the
Newbery Medal book When You Reach Me: a story about spies, games, and
friendship. Seventh-grader Georges moves into a Brooklyn apartment building and
meets Safer, a twelve-year-old self-appointed spy. Georges becomes Safer's
first spy recruit. His assignment? Tracking the mysterious Mr. X, who lives in
the apartment upstairs. But as Safer becomes more demanding, Georges starts to
wonder: what is a lie, and what is a game? How far is too far to go for your
only friend? Like the dazzling When You Reach Me, Liar & Spy will keep
readers guessing until the end.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>THE UNWANTEDS</b></i> (Book 1—there are three out at this
writing—<i><b>ISLAND OF SILENCE</b></i> (#2) and <i><b>ISLAND OF FIRE </b></i>(#3)) by Lisa McMann. Kendon
is almost done with this one and has enjoyed it VERY much:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY_qCyiwizEN-e__kXe6zicjvUjr3muwoBGbErs92mNyYKfWlt5gc8EgeEL6NW1L2Di4rgMLlsmo_zezDnDiD-MDOvkWctxb9YmhHihWRyuQ5VJvrT_78Y0H7Xr3qbaTbG21A4cKulAhY/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.59.35+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY_qCyiwizEN-e__kXe6zicjvUjr3muwoBGbErs92mNyYKfWlt5gc8EgeEL6NW1L2Di4rgMLlsmo_zezDnDiD-MDOvkWctxb9YmhHihWRyuQ5VJvrT_78Y0H7Xr3qbaTbG21A4cKulAhY/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.59.35+PM.png" width="213" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A riveting middle-grade dystopian novel from <i>New York Times</i>
bestselling Wake author Lisa McMann that Kirkus Reviews calls "<i>The Hunger
Games</i> meets <i>Harry Potter</i>." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When Alex finds out he is Unwanted, he expects to die. That is the way of the
people of Quill. Each year, all the thirteen-year-olds are labeled as Wanted,
Necessary, or Unwanted. Wanteds get more schooling and train to join the
Quillitary. Necessaries keep the farms running. Unwanteds are set for
elimination. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
It's hard for Alex to leave behind his twin, Aaron, a Wanted, but he makes
peace with his fate-until he discovers that instead of a "death
farm," what awaits him is a magical place called Artimé. There, Alex and
his fellow Unwanteds are encouraged to cultivate their creative abilities and
use them magically. Everything Alex has ever known changes before his eyes, and
it's a wondrous transformation. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But it's a rare, unique occurrence for twins to be divided between Wanted and
Unwanted, and as Alex and Aaron's bond stretches across their separation, a
threat arises for the survival of Artimé that will pit brother against brother
in an ultimate magical battle.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Fans of <i>THE HUNGER GAMES </i>may not be familiar with Suzanne Collins' other series, <b><i>GREGOR THE OVERLANDER</i></b>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdJA1_aBxTswT-1xRFWJajKfkGF1IAnDYALMDPwp0GyX0DKaUSFOj2I24i0T65S-uXvtl659ljHFyoKoaTGvDT9mQR9VQUPHKuhP6mlQl2E8llKrt4x9QBs7PNU5EnhImtBx_jyXTB4nc/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+3.17.22+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdJA1_aBxTswT-1xRFWJajKfkGF1IAnDYALMDPwp0GyX0DKaUSFOj2I24i0T65S-uXvtl659ljHFyoKoaTGvDT9mQR9VQUPHKuhP6mlQl2E8llKrt4x9QBs7PNU5EnhImtBx_jyXTB4nc/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+3.17.22+PM.png" width="219" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When young Gregor falls through a grate in the laundry room
of his apartment building, he hurtles into the dark Underland, where spiders,
rats, cockroaches coexist uneasily with humans. This strange world is on the
brink of war, and Gregor's arrival is no accident. A prophecy foretells that
Gregor has a role to play in the Underland's uncertain future. Gregor wants no
part of it -- until he realizes it's the only way to solve the mystery of his
father's disappearance. Gregor embarks on a dangerous adventure that will
change both him and the Underland forever.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Rich in suspense and brimming with adventure, Suzanne
Collins unfolds the fate of the Underland and the great warrior, Gregor, in the
New York Times bestselling Underland Chronicles.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>GRAPHIC NOVEL FANS</b>: Raina Telgemeier’s books are fantastic,
perfect for your grade 5-8 readers.</span></span><br />
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Start with <i><b>SMILE</b></i>:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB0ZOujs4AVyau4Jwc54Pfp_14H_itW6Z3_LqfMl2077Pid70LijRU3_ami7GEYHfWf2_ZpZ1h2cEQ3CUXU3s2VbV6yAYT-oJo8Ujr2mPdXNTRdmdgjXhhCc4ZXDabWTfutBVheGBZ464/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.42.37+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB0ZOujs4AVyau4Jwc54Pfp_14H_itW6Z3_LqfMl2077Pid70LijRU3_ami7GEYHfWf2_ZpZ1h2cEQ3CUXU3s2VbV6yAYT-oJo8Ujr2mPdXNTRdmdgjXhhCc4ZXDabWTfutBVheGBZ464/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.42.37+PM.png" width="231" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Eleven-year-old Raina just wants to be a normal sixth
grader. But one night after a trip-and-fall mishap, she injures her two front teeth,
and what follows is a long and frustrating journey with on-again, off-again
braces, corrective surgery, embarrassing headgear, and even a retainer with
fake teeth attached. And on top of all that, there's still more to deal with: a
major earthquake, boy confusion, and friends who turn out to be not so
friendly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This coming-of-age true story is sure to resonate with
anyone who has ever been in middle school, and especially those who have had a
bit of their own dental drama.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And then there’s <i><b>DRAMA</b></i>: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI4hpYwV47phNr2qQF_TIBMDSVmF9kbFQ7GDWDaQ0-rM8yK4qSKpzvn5r2aZde4TPva5EMqw1BDlvfAGDakS1C3EB3h6JzSE5Vu80KA618SmHJ2YgzuE3GR5hlAGrxEHEPHPX3ZHZL87o/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.42.27+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI4hpYwV47phNr2qQF_TIBMDSVmF9kbFQ7GDWDaQ0-rM8yK4qSKpzvn5r2aZde4TPva5EMqw1BDlvfAGDakS1C3EB3h6JzSE5Vu80KA618SmHJ2YgzuE3GR5hlAGrxEHEPHPX3ZHZL87o/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+1.42.27+PM.png" width="221" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Callie loves theater. And while she would totally try out
for her middle school's production of Moon Over Mississippi, she's a terrible
singer. Instead she's the set designer for the stage crew, and this year she's
determined to create a set worthy of Broadway on a middle-school budget. But
how can she, when she doesn't know much about carpentry, ticket sales are down,
and the crew members are having trouble working together? Not to mention the
onstage AND offstage drama that comes once the actors are chosen, and when two
cute brothers enter the picture, things get even crazier! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Following the success of <b><i>Smile</i></b>, Raina Telgemeier brings us
another graphic novel featuring a diverse set of characters that humorously
explores friendship, crushes, and all-around drama!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The <i><b>AMULET</b></i> series, Books One through Five (Six is supposed to be out in 2014) by Kazu Kibuishi. Kendon has read and reread this series so many times, I fear the covers will soon fall off.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzMOstZYMrfx8rUcGJemcrSExy37R5Oi-LnU7Og3WFp4C5eP1FddCUbd64l0Eoq-cUV-iN8taIlOWW1ijnEXDJgQu5u1Gmo9XQl6BV4C-OXAJSGrEVKYoTL2isKaHffU4CvDsr1Pj3c4k/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+3.11.32+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzMOstZYMrfx8rUcGJemcrSExy37R5Oi-LnU7Og3WFp4C5eP1FddCUbd64l0Eoq-cUV-iN8taIlOWW1ijnEXDJgQu5u1Gmo9XQl6BV4C-OXAJSGrEVKYoTL2isKaHffU4CvDsr1Pj3c4k/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-12-08+at+3.11.32+PM.png" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span id="freeText16060334797404372192">Graphic novel star Kazu
Kibuishi creates a world of terrible, man-eating demons, a mechanical
rabbit, a giant robot---and two ordinary children on a life-or-death
mission.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span id="freeText16060334797404372192"><b><i>Book 1 ~ THE STONEKEEPER:</i></b> After the tragic death of their father, Emily and Navin
move with their mother to the home of her deceased great-grandfather,
but the strange house proves to be dangerous. Before long, a sinister
creature lures the kids' mom through a door in the basement. Em and
Navin, desperate not to lose her, follow her into an underground world
inhabited by demons, robots, and talking animals.<br /> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span id="freeText16060334797404372192">Eventually, they
enlist the help of a small mechanical rabbit named Miskit. Together with
Miskit, they face the most terrifying monster of all, and Em finally
has the chance to save someone she loves.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">********************************</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">PHEW!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Is that enough? Feel free to comment below if you want more. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Joyeux Noël!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Bonnes fêtes!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Hanoucca heureux!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Xs and Os ... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">P.S. Sorry for wonky fonts. Blogger hates me today.</span></div>
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</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-41317883962329758442013-11-25T16:40:00.001-08:002013-11-28T08:23:52.059-08:00Film Score Lovers Anonymous: My Healthy Obsession<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I would be a much happier (read: saner) person if I could just live in the movies. All. The. Time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I do this thing where I find a film that resonates for whatever reason -- no matter what the reviews or critics are saying -- and I <i>obsess</i> over it. I watch it again and again, sometimes twice on the same weekend night. In the last year, it's been <i>Pride and Prejudice, The Hobbit, Welcome to the Punch</i>. Past years, <i>Shakespeare in Love, Gladiator, </i>all the <i>Lord of the Rings</i> films. I recognize this is not a healthy habit. But I'm not a drinker or user of substances other than dangerous quantities of sugar, so if movies are my drug, bring on the popcorn.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It bears repeating: our family likes the movies. Pretty Princess blogs (<a href="http://trulyluminary.com/" target="_blank">Truly Luminary</a>) and starts journalism school in January toward her dreams in entertainment coverage. The Other Half of my heart works in the film biz. He's worked on a lot of awesome flicks in the last 25.5 years, including but not limited to <i>The Fugitive, Army of Darkness </i>(for you cult fans out there), <i>Titanic</i>, lots of <i>X-Men</i> films, <i>Tron, Seventh Son, </i><i>Percy Jackson</i>, <i>et cetera, et cetera.</i> Most recently he did some time on George Clooney's next supersecret project before hopping onto the epic build for a flick based on a VERY popular video game. When he comes home covered in foam and silicone, it's because he's recreating a world that only exists in our imaginations. Glamorous, huh? Tell that to my washing machine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In 2012 he worked on <i>Man of Steel</i>. Sculpted the saddle Jor El rides on his winged horse/dragon hybrid (H'raka); built the mushroomy pool where the Codex Skull is kept, the bed/chair structure newborn Kal El lies in when his parents are infusing his cells with the bits and bobs from the Codex. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcTM1Vs1p5CpG3H29M1clY95NQ1_y05md-tkPTtMc9z-0Euni3u9URDniCLBkj_sBiuxawjS3lDZ3gvIi_yn3SaqzvKyBxZuP2S7DiqA2xTj1MJHq9uyMvbMKftfp1WezwaZF4KOz8c1I/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+12.31.13+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcTM1Vs1p5CpG3H29M1clY95NQ1_y05md-tkPTtMc9z-0Euni3u9URDniCLBkj_sBiuxawjS3lDZ3gvIi_yn3SaqzvKyBxZuP2S7DiqA2xTj1MJHq9uyMvbMKftfp1WezwaZF4KOz8c1I/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+12.31.13+PM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQeMVzn8E2DaiespzKJClPP5dk74dE_Cs8nS94WEPTZvm9Dh_0M-LC0-JnP_icAQRR8zzEJUZwQjM7NaTf4d3sucA_kUDXF7iOIj1v3XnFI011PnvE2gzofeAZs5c1H0LOh8gbS9YM33U/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+12.21.44+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="165" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQeMVzn8E2DaiespzKJClPP5dk74dE_Cs8nS94WEPTZvm9Dh_0M-LC0-JnP_icAQRR8zzEJUZwQjM7NaTf4d3sucA_kUDXF7iOIj1v3XnFI011PnvE2gzofeAZs5c1H0LOh8gbS9YM33U/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+12.21.44+PM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL_3YQdabqzXTaiDDFkCdI68_YtGwyLKgNvrqbD-lPvGd460zF46rqNUxsGLo6ohgMUahJlMdvxE7AgU5dWaH-ptgbi8J0eBJpFrTlwns1qvVKR-UbglDf6XqQfXS7mLORgk71ZgOqb6E/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+10.37.54+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL_3YQdabqzXTaiDDFkCdI68_YtGwyLKgNvrqbD-lPvGd460zF46rqNUxsGLo6ohgMUahJlMdvxE7AgU5dWaH-ptgbi8J0eBJpFrTlwns1qvVKR-UbglDf6XqQfXS7mLORgk71ZgOqb6E/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+10.37.54+AM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Built the EPIC sets we can barely see in the council chambers when Jor El says YOU GUYS THIS IS MADNESS WE'RE DOOMED and naughty Zod storms in and shoots his guns and yells loudly (Michael Shannon, you are the best kind of villain). </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT47SvlgIQD-s91rv0Z_TpH6GIsi4rZoKDBhZGPBn5V1ipoKCoi4tffKOzlB-dRUDEUDiS_CyU_bPJuC9MhWQL2qWHxDrRbTs6vMWsK5PREfSoWGOWJWJW_608wyrQ7Q_jYnZ6s_3SgKA/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+10.14.28+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT47SvlgIQD-s91rv0Z_TpH6GIsi4rZoKDBhZGPBn5V1ipoKCoi4tffKOzlB-dRUDEUDiS_CyU_bPJuC9MhWQL2qWHxDrRbTs6vMWsK5PREfSoWGOWJWJW_608wyrQ7Q_jYnZ6s_3SgKA/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+10.14.28+AM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And then there's that awesome spaceship buried in the permafrost where soon-to-be-Superman goes all manly and says to an injured Lois Lane, "I can do things other people can't ... This is going to hurt." All of these incredible sets come from the hands of REAL people. #proudWyfey </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Lately, the object of my obsession has been <i>Man of Steel</i>. I don't even know why. I tear up when Kal El's parents say goodbye and again when -- oh, wait -- no spoilers, in case you haven't seen it. Despite mixed reviews and haters galore, I love this film.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Maybe it's because so much of Husband's sweat went into it. It's special to us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Ironically, though, I try not to think too much about the reality behind the film. I usually leave the room when the family scoots around to watch behind-the-scenes stuff because I LOVE THE FANTASY of it. When <i>Lord of the Rings</i> was in its prime, and now with <i>The Hobbit</i> and the MUCH-ANTICIPATED <i>Desolation of Smaug</i>, I want to believe that Middle Earth is a REAL place and not just pretty New Zealand, that if I overcome my fear of huntsman spiders, I will go to Mata Mata and see Hobbiton and while there, Frodo and Gandalf and Aragorn (*swoon*) and Thorin (*double swoon*) will appear and we will have wine with fruity bouquets and eat wheels of cheese and sing songs with our pipes puff-puff-puffing away.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Shit, that was a long sentence. Hadley, I'm so sorry.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I want to believe that hunky Kal El is a real guy, that the sonic booms that ring over our neighborhood are him blasting through the atmosphere, that if an oil rig falls on my house, he will -- shirtless and beautifully muscled -- be there to catch it.</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilQ4IFhSmuNJCepT2Ligy0ATEDo-4bY7LAhyAzbnSrwjrBKnt4uiHFiKnc2hdnFU9BnSmFWqf2e2oueqFwmavJ01i38u3G6aC0kfqnFoV-NrTWpbo0feCElWsTNxJIaA9CSnMt5lOfxyw/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+10.14.52+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilQ4IFhSmuNJCepT2Ligy0ATEDo-4bY7LAhyAzbnSrwjrBKnt4uiHFiKnc2hdnFU9BnSmFWqf2e2oueqFwmavJ01i38u3G6aC0kfqnFoV-NrTWpbo0feCElWsTNxJIaA9CSnMt5lOfxyw/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+10.14.52+AM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hello, Kal El. Thank you for saving my house from that collapsing oil rig.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I'm not a purist. Hell, I'm not even a FAN of Superman. Never read the comics, didn't swoon over the earlier movies with the late Christopher Reeve. Didn't care a sniff. Not until Zack Snyder gave us Henry Cavill and Russell Crowe in tights.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Seriously. You GUYS.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCehwr2tMnxjbLbwdkTRsYs8kkXG_knlWzuW5VnpBzA4KHxZwx8EstbnyX5Kkj0uZ2ft779SV9_FbE0yWwA6cVfga5D8dR84ssksM18SMMHI3yoHlyLrwOtVi8Qk3Zpot8GqNOKbIwQOg/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+12.57.47+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="353" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCehwr2tMnxjbLbwdkTRsYs8kkXG_knlWzuW5VnpBzA4KHxZwx8EstbnyX5Kkj0uZ2ft779SV9_FbE0yWwA6cVfga5D8dR84ssksM18SMMHI3yoHlyLrwOtVi8Qk3Zpot8GqNOKbIwQOg/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+12.57.47+PM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">THIS is why I'm a writer. I was not beautiful/thin/talented/smart/brave enough to make it in Hollywood, though I dreamed those dreams so hard, I would cry myself to sleep after working at one of three jobs to save the money to move to LA. (I tend toward the dramatic. And I really did work at three jobs at one point to save money to move to LA. Then I moved to LA and had to get another suffocating job to pay the rent. I'm not great with planning, I know this.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Along with these movies, though, is <b>THE MUSIC</b>. Let me set the scene:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">INT. - CHURCH BASEMENT</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Banner made of dot-matrix printer paper hangs haphazardly from wall. In crayon, reads "FILM SCORE LOVERS ANONYMOUS." Chairs set around a table holding docked iPod. Side table with silver coffee carafe; plate overflows with frosted cookies shaped as musical notes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">JENN walks in. Chooses a cold chair.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">GROUP LEADER</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Today I'd like to welcome our newest member, Jenn.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">JENN</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Yes. Hi. (waves) I'm Jenn, and I'm a film score lover.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">GROUP</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">(in unison)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">(many in costume; looks like ComicCon in here) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Hiiiiii, Jenn ...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And so on and so forth. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Thanks to the demigod we mortals call Hans Zimmer, <i>Man of Steel</i> has a <b>FANTASTIC </b>score. Oh, people, honestly ... if you're not listening to Zimmer, I'm not sure if we can continue this thing we call friendship. <i>The Dark Knight/Rises? Gladiator? </i><i>Inception? Pirates of the Caribbean? Sherlock Holmes? The DaVinci Code? </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I KNOW.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It feeds my obsession. The music is the meaty leg warm with pumping blood; I am the leech. I am insatiable. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And so it has gone for the last months, my thirst unquenchable, as I've labored over yet another draft of <i><b>Sleight</b></i>. I quietly turned it in yesterday. No, I do not know what this means. Other than I LOVE it. Other than we wait. This freight train is not under my control.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But the music is. Because when I write, I imagine the actors playing the parts I have breathed life into. I <i>dream </i>about the book being made into a film (we all do) and who we'd get to do the film score. (I have my short list.) Because of this weird obsession, you can see why the movies and music and words are all on one plate for me. Like the bacon with the lettuce and tomato. I cannot have one without the other.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Recently a friend made the mistake of asking for recommendations for music to write by. As a proud film score lover, I answered accordingly:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">~ ANYTHING by <b><i>Alexander Desplat</i> </b>(though <i>Tree of Life</i> is a little odd for my taste); the <b><i>Twilight Saga's New Moon</i></b> is arguably one of my top five faves. <b><i>Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close</i> </b>is beautiful. Oh, and <i><b>Zero Dark Thirty.</b></i> Awesome.<br /><br />
~ EVERYTHING by <b>Hans Zimmer</b>, as mentioned -- but especially <i><b>Man of Steel</b></i><br /><br />~ <b>Harry Escott's <i>Welcome to the Punch</i></b>. (I may have peed when Harry Escott followed me back on Twitter. I'm afraid to check if he's still following me. I don't think I can handle any more rejection.) This score narrates brilliant action sequences, stitched seamlessly alongside haunting emotional overtones. (OMG, I love it when the boys cry.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Now for crying-boy montage:</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgROkSZ74SZ_F8vMV-s1P3fpRsXCxLW1GnE_BFh6vT4TeHr3LxSnEQmD5Y0V3ULW139Dxb1SrX7emQhBxIa59_uqTXM8dI3QwtCQ32hKm143zfwaaf00zUzH5XuB2Hy8RPQ_EFDp9Hznf4/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-04-17+at+2.45.10+PM.png" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mark Strong (my sweetie). Crying because he is a bad good man. (<i>Low Winter Sun</i>)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeLMNzovSI7N2tJEKBNz6dJPFJJ3rpaBSGhEwomKs_57NYQG1r_QoEXOi3KXBBb8JAEb6rmehHbbaYRmMW4CmBplfiEAyju6pJDA1Icta-b_awC3MUxDjwZamvpI6DS0xV2m-z43DSU3Q/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-07-26+at+3.11.55+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeLMNzovSI7N2tJEKBNz6dJPFJJ3rpaBSGhEwomKs_57NYQG1r_QoEXOi3KXBBb8JAEb6rmehHbbaYRmMW4CmBplfiEAyju6pJDA1Icta-b_awC3MUxDjwZamvpI6DS0xV2m-z43DSU3Q/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-07-26+at+3.11.55+PM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cries over dead son. (<i>Welcome to the Punch</i>)</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigwHF8XFWG7N0ahZuMq0E8L2lK1Rn1xSkKkZEaQNuIRzISUP_OPbyI-zxTPWRM97WVKybrL_9jBgcV4Kf6xG7YcwXN_W5kGOZnthO5_PEGuZD4tZ6cfso3zCqml-EFebMAPy2kgf02k2I/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+2.29.47+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigwHF8XFWG7N0ahZuMq0E8L2lK1Rn1xSkKkZEaQNuIRzISUP_OPbyI-zxTPWRM97WVKybrL_9jBgcV4Kf6xG7YcwXN_W5kGOZnthO5_PEGuZD4tZ6cfso3zCqml-EFebMAPy2kgf02k2I/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+2.29.47+PM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Russell Crowe (Jor El, <i>Man of Steel</i>) almost crying over sending son away to a foreign planet.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidfjilmswoygNj8-1ZXgXeDcGXwwu5WA2d2TJH0AdPd3CyA0dB_Rm3CwUJHscEq4WmisNn7ZiRyqghTRam-F7v8ZX89tpWpHluyUW1rVc4hxvYBBPg97hTvzdpFmuFre6UbybycBKT2ZU/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+2.30.35+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidfjilmswoygNj8-1ZXgXeDcGXwwu5WA2d2TJH0AdPd3CyA0dB_Rm3CwUJHscEq4WmisNn7ZiRyqghTRam-F7v8ZX89tpWpHluyUW1rVc4hxvYBBPg97hTvzdpFmuFre6UbybycBKT2ZU/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+2.30.35+PM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Definitely crying here. It's okay, Kal El. C'mere. Let's hug it out.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyPEbwQtvk_I4S-LPgaTl4VYtKU5kqJnZYiaED5f0-xADGGEcZZvAAf6Oz7CTkovLFWNZAyFtDSZn_y4BCH-oeuvVBgqKpPkxt-s289zDMorKEIhQFtlYT4lBQGY5J0idf9I-CM8VExYQ/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+2.33.48+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyPEbwQtvk_I4S-LPgaTl4VYtKU5kqJnZYiaED5f0-xADGGEcZZvAAf6Oz7CTkovLFWNZAyFtDSZn_y4BCH-oeuvVBgqKpPkxt-s289zDMorKEIhQFtlYT4lBQGY5J0idf9I-CM8VExYQ/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-11-25+at+2.33.48+PM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">DAAAAAAAAAAD! More crying. *swoony sigh* If you don't tear up in this scene, you're soulless.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> Something is wrong with me if I like it when pretty boys cry.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>MORE MUSIC PLEASE JENN:</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">~ The score for the film <i><b>Oblivion</b></i> (M83 and Anthony
Gonzales) is great, as is the score for <i><b>Disconnect</b></i> (Max Richter). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Here's a list of brilliant composers to make it simple:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Danny Elfman (<i>Oz the Great and Powerful, Nightmare Before Christmas, Corpse Bride, 9, Silver Linings Playbook, </i>tons more -- he's Tim Burton's go-to composer)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Clint Mansell (<i>The Fountain</i> and <i>Requiem for a Dream</i> are my faves)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">James Newton Howard (most recently <i>Hunger Games: Catching Fire</i> releases 11/29; also <i>Snow White and the Huntsman</i> and a zillion others)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">James Horner (<i>Avatar, Titanic, Legends of the Fall, Aliens</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>John Williams -- ICONIC -- <i>Harry Potter, Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, et cetera. </i>You know his music.</b></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">John Debney (<i>Passion of the Christ</i> is beautiful; <i>Elf, Iron Man 2</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">John Powell (<i>Shrek, Bourne </i>franchise, <i>PS I Love You, How to Train Your Dragon</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Andrew Lockington (<i>Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Henry Jackman (<i>X-Men First Class, Wreck-It Ralph, Captain Phillips, Kick-Ass 2</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Marc Streitenfeld (<i>Robin Hood, Prometheus, Body of Lies</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Michael Giacchino (<i>Star Trek / ST Into Darkness, Up, The Incredibles, Super 8</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Howard Shore (all the <i>Lord of the Rings</i>, <i>The Hobbit </i>films<i>, Twilight Saga: Eclipse</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Thomas Wander (<i>Anonymous</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Marco Beltrami (<i>The Wolverine, World War Z, I, Robot</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Carter Burwell (<i>Twilight </i>fans rejoice!)</span> </li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
Ramin Djawadi (<i>Game of Thrones</i>!!!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Bryan Tyler (<i>Thor, Iron Man 3</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">John Ottman (<i>Jack the Giant Slayer, X-Men 2</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Craig Armstrong (A <b>gorgeous </b>orchestral score for DiCaprio/Luhrmann's <i>Gatsby</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Steve Jablonsky (<i>Ender's Game, Transformers</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Johann Johannsson (<i>Prisoners</i>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Steven Price (<i>Gravity</i>)</span> </li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Olafur Arnalds (short but powerful score for the BBC's <i>Broadchurch</i>)</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Not to be overlooked: video game scores. <i>Assassin's Creed Revelations</i> is awesome. And it's a TON of music for an incredible price. <i>Halo</i> is solid too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">If you're a film score lover like I am, and you think you might need an intervention, we meet twice a week in the church basement on the corner of Angst Avenue and Brokenheart Blvd. Bring your appetite for cookies and inspired tears. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Before we go:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzXOdMtv0x4rPAr-Yj62d9wsmm127Ae-s51Y-S9fI_ElsmfjSq8NXKHKtUb-sVqBg4duqWpcddhcMVjVTl4QZq3FUJz9zWUDqIe0RyRxgjrEMVcJSBWyGafZxKO0F52gs-Hnnld604V98/s1600/Dear-Zack-Snyder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzXOdMtv0x4rPAr-Yj62d9wsmm127Ae-s51Y-S9fI_ElsmfjSq8NXKHKtUb-sVqBg4duqWpcddhcMVjVTl4QZq3FUJz9zWUDqIe0RyRxgjrEMVcJSBWyGafZxKO0F52gs-Hnnld604V98/s400/Dear-Zack-Snyder.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This blog post is a rambling mess. I'm sorry. But today I'm sort of a rambling mess. Turning in a beloved manuscript after yet another round of painful rewrites causes this. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Some people cheer when they write <i>the end</i>. I never write those two words because they make me too sad.</span> I've spent most of the day fluctuating between joy and desolation. Giggles and tears. Sunshine and darkness. I did, however, stop feeling sorry for myself long enough to shower and apply makeup. You know, in case that oil rig thing happens and Superman shows up on my porch.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">One more for the road:</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhReY016Qy8BS8cjX-BA_sA4O2sHDCbzE0y-O_pQREpWZvemblo2LNO_WvCUcin0dwQvhQiIL4cS8yWpE_2ehVz-pmUJZHfI8JLfeRiG_Hv2XvJG7BKqsNaYCM0nDCZrmYO3PJCcir6AGg/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-11-18+at+2.51.26+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhReY016Qy8BS8cjX-BA_sA4O2sHDCbzE0y-O_pQREpWZvemblo2LNO_WvCUcin0dwQvhQiIL4cS8yWpE_2ehVz-pmUJZHfI8JLfeRiG_Hv2XvJG7BKqsNaYCM0nDCZrmYO3PJCcir6AGg/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-11-18+at+2.51.26+PM.png" width="235" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hey, Superman ...</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Au revoir, mes amoureux ...</span></b><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-4466854185214725382013-11-11T10:24:00.000-08:002013-11-11T10:32:06.770-08:00In Honor of Veterans in Both My Home Countries<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>In Canada and other Commonwealth countries, today is Remembrance Day</b> (entries from Wikipedia because I am <i>not</i> a history major):</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Remembrance Day (also known as Poppy Day or <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Armistice Day">Armistice Day</a>) is a memorial day observed in <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Commonwealth of Nations">Commonwealth</a> countries since the end of <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="World War I">World War I</a>
to remember the members of their armed forces who have died in the line
of duty. This day, or alternative dates, are also recognised as special
days for war remembrances in many non-Commonwealth countries.
Remembrance Day is observed on 11 November to recall the end of
hostilities of World War I on that date in 1918. Hostilities formally
ended "at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month," in
accordance with the <a class="mw-redirect" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Armistice with Germany (Compiègne)">Armistice</a>, <a class="mw-redirect" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Armistice with Germany (Compiègne)">signed by representatives of Germany and the Entente between 5:12 and 5:20 that morning</a>. ("At the 11th hour" refers to the <i>passing</i> of the 11th hour, or 11:00 am) World War I officially ended with the signing of the <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Treaty of Versailles">Treaty of Versailles</a> on 28 June 1919.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It has come to represent a day of quiet reflection and heartfelt thanks to <i>all</i> our veterans throughout all conflicts. Like Ken Young, my wonderful father-in-law, who served as a Merchant Marine in World War II. Love and miss you, Dad.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidneGpTiNcZd50YVZzleY9LMBDK0IpYMm4hqNGyqg0tEMrpTdfRk8BltWWO_c33nsxuCbR9QwEj95y0vC3GinwXDrRCau31eUAUyEbRQ_pPlqWsEnio-sBdzBaR3DNhfWPhvYD3EzwFfU/s1600/DADB.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidneGpTiNcZd50YVZzleY9LMBDK0IpYMm4hqNGyqg0tEMrpTdfRk8BltWWO_c33nsxuCbR9QwEj95y0vC3GinwXDrRCau31eUAUyEbRQ_pPlqWsEnio-sBdzBaR3DNhfWPhvYD3EzwFfU/s400/DADB.jpg" width="290" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoF6mOoseFsJ8guN6mXkoi-wzb9j56s6T5qdiywqcFn9c2GxsvhT68mT4T0eDzxQQT7NeU0uM2_G89UiOLEaY2Con-yveX11bY-JYuec1QtYl-8N5Cd7Cs_xuvq596yGtP_kPWMyyORsQ/s1600/DadE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoF6mOoseFsJ8guN6mXkoi-wzb9j56s6T5qdiywqcFn9c2GxsvhT68mT4T0eDzxQQT7NeU0uM2_G89UiOLEaY2Con-yveX11bY-JYuec1QtYl-8N5Cd7Cs_xuvq596yGtP_kPWMyyORsQ/s400/DadE.jpg" width="292" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxhVoB4ZnsBaKhedjOZPUQTWc2G3HzeJ8927sSu5sVjBxwdzkf_2jSTEp9j1O5cikGEOqfutWcenRt3a57OqAUUbfYXCry8R2HdsiNS3Fb1DeRJlIk7G6PUSXJgfK-wrgY20YIux0hHgI/s1600/Ship.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxhVoB4ZnsBaKhedjOZPUQTWc2G3HzeJ8927sSu5sVjBxwdzkf_2jSTEp9j1O5cikGEOqfutWcenRt3a57OqAUUbfYXCry8R2HdsiNS3Fb1DeRJlIk7G6PUSXJgfK-wrgY20YIux0hHgI/s400/Ship.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> <b>And in America ... Veterans Day: </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Veterans Day is an official <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="United States">United States</a> holiday which honors people who have served in armed service, also known as <a class="mw-redirect" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Veterans">veterans</a>. It is a <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Federal holiday">federal holiday</a> that is observed on November 11. It coincides with other holidays such as <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Armistice Day">Armistice Day</a> and <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Remembrance Day">Remembrance Day</a>, which are celebrated in other parts of the world and also mark the anniversary of the end of <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="World War I">World War I</a>. (Major hostilities of World War I were formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918, when the <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Armistice with Germany">Armistice with Germany</a> went into effect.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Veterans Day is not to be confused with <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Memorial Day">Memorial Day</a>;
Veterans Day celebrates the service of all U.S. military veterans,
while Memorial Day is a day of remembering the men and women who <i>died</i> while serving.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And my oldest son, serving in Afghanistan, now starting his post-Army life as a railroad conductor (so proud of you, Blakey!):</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4CjvA8yQoAdZ2nM_JFuTQBnXmE3O1JFmAThPWYe7QRT_Cn5bezNU7D95P-mZ4aYzAd6aguIn6aGtFTZtOklS6GUY2Nl-kPViKWBtY_J_gAnBRp3l6YZ6IVAqunCNxJiWR9rQ9xOlF22E/s1600/Blake+on+mission+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4CjvA8yQoAdZ2nM_JFuTQBnXmE3O1JFmAThPWYe7QRT_Cn5bezNU7D95P-mZ4aYzAd6aguIn6aGtFTZtOklS6GUY2Nl-kPViKWBtY_J_gAnBRp3l6YZ6IVAqunCNxJiWR9rQ9xOlF22E/s400/Blake+on+mission+2.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJx1oZPZbRt3cKeJXcbXtecMUZXdmGds2y4oLDhXZl_oXIQHBTHSuJJDVwTUp50pjEA2u-cnUOSuN3mxIEMp6CeZZ54ONgGtSj7QWPUam4j887EKIUiPKZJLW9MEeJss5Pgj1tWpHzOGA/s1600/Blake+on+mission+2011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJx1oZPZbRt3cKeJXcbXtecMUZXdmGds2y4oLDhXZl_oXIQHBTHSuJJDVwTUp50pjEA2u-cnUOSuN3mxIEMp6CeZZ54ONgGtSj7QWPUam4j887EKIUiPKZJLW9MEeJss5Pgj1tWpHzOGA/s400/Blake+on+mission+2011.jpg" width="345" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiMW7psUR8W0A7tGfrftofhjZ2pQF4gddyRjqkoLgMfObH4R9IWrKVXKvoOHBX_GxYPAUGkEct34934Ttj_t7vMS9Y3gCOqKRVtQqAjD3WRmXC_uX1q7VfTUFVHDmaHDIEPj5UagzLBjY/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-11-11+at+9.56.50+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiMW7psUR8W0A7tGfrftofhjZ2pQF4gddyRjqkoLgMfObH4R9IWrKVXKvoOHBX_GxYPAUGkEct34934Ttj_t7vMS9Y3gCOqKRVtQqAjD3WRmXC_uX1q7VfTUFVHDmaHDIEPj5UagzLBjY/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-11-11+at+9.56.50+AM.png" width="316" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And my cousin ("uncle"), who served in the Air Force:</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOpEgu5hv6hvOEXrBTLJVEQtOiRTfke6jz0TcIisF555CCNN-ySO6cKfFyEP3n5bIK7hTfURWza1way1j347B08wv8fAxkBdze0XdvEhgvlSXFmO5yWLSFV87mLDExTP0bJ3wYpNnzqEs/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-11-11+at+9.57.24+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOpEgu5hv6hvOEXrBTLJVEQtOiRTfke6jz0TcIisF555CCNN-ySO6cKfFyEP3n5bIK7hTfURWza1way1j347B08wv8fAxkBdze0XdvEhgvlSXFmO5yWLSFV87mLDExTP0bJ3wYpNnzqEs/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-11-11+at+9.57.24+AM.png" width="396" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">David W. Moffitt, US Air Force, 1963, Keesler AFB, Mississippi</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Uncle Will's daughter followed in his footsteps and served as a US Navy hospital corpsman from 1989 to 1998, including tours in Operation Desert Storm and Operation Desert Shield:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8VaBQurCq29Px3xcCLxIxU0WmbKwaFzjDV2KXQp2lI0yS-ZwYVbfMwJLrh_TKZ8N3v26pFtFVORHR5EQDaH7e-R5ItlS1_BjSJ_R3pOEvxeeSjaxywiWJzSPJWFnuNEg1DyiQA4DY-vc/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-11-11+at+9.57.05+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8VaBQurCq29Px3xcCLxIxU0WmbKwaFzjDV2KXQp2lI0yS-ZwYVbfMwJLrh_TKZ8N3v26pFtFVORHR5EQDaH7e-R5ItlS1_BjSJ_R3pOEvxeeSjaxywiWJzSPJWFnuNEg1DyiQA4DY-vc/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-11-11+at+9.57.05+AM.png" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>It started as Armistice Day:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Armistice Day (which coincides with <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Remembrance Day">Remembrance Day</a> and <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Veterans Day">Veterans Day</a>, public holidays) is commemorated every year on 11 November to mark the <a class="mw-redirect" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Armistice with Germany (Compiègne)">armistice</a> signed between the <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Allies of World War I">Allies of World War I</a> and <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Germany">Germany</a> at <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Compiègne">Compiègne</a>, <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="France">France</a>, for the cessation of hostilities on the <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Western Front (World War I)">Western Front</a> of <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="World War I">World War I</a>,
which took effect at eleven o'clock in the morning—the "eleventh hour
of the eleventh day of the eleventh month" of 1918. While this official
date to mark the end of the war reflects the <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Ceasefire">ceasefire</a> on the Western Front, hostilities continued in other regions, especially across the former <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Russian Empire">Russian Empire</a> and in parts of the old <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Ottoman Empire">Ottoman Empire</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In Canada, we wear a red poppy over our hearts for a few weeks leading up to Remembrance Day in honor of those who served.</span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span><br />
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<b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe_bnIBvykcLhy5DLao4VZt3uq5Wx-6AuVE_4K2A_Ab7Wk511NQ4DQLftTwhSyd9oh1PBXQT3EM3_XK52vBilGwLaqno9WG8rXVLwbrElnKa2gT1SwjPOq2eMOcWV-gEQpnslMcltv2U4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-11-07+at+10.12.14+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe_bnIBvykcLhy5DLao4VZt3uq5Wx-6AuVE_4K2A_Ab7Wk511NQ4DQLftTwhSyd9oh1PBXQT3EM3_XK52vBilGwLaqno9WG8rXVLwbrElnKa2gT1SwjPOq2eMOcWV-gEQpnslMcltv2U4/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-11-07+at+10.12.14+AM.png" width="263" /></a></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>"In Flanders Fields"</b> is a <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="War poet">war poem</a> ... written during the <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="World War I">First World War</a> by Canadian physician and <a class="mw-redirect" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Lieutenant Colonel">Lieutenant Colonel</a> <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="John McCrae">John McCrae</a>.
He was inspired to write it on May 3, 1915, after presiding over the
funeral of friend and fellow soldier Alexis Helmer, who died in the <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Second Battle of Ypres">Second Battle of Ypres</a>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It is one of the most popular and most quoted poems from the war. ... Its references to the <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Papaver rhoeas">red poppies</a> that grew over the graves of fallen soldiers resulted in the <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Remembrance poppy">remembrance poppy</a>
becoming one of the world's most recognized memorial symbols for
soldiers who have died in conflict. The poem and poppy are prominent <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Remembrance Day">Remembrance Day</a> symbols throughout the <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Commonwealth of Nations">Commonwealth of Nations</a>, particularly in <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" title="Canada">Canada</a>, where "In Flanders Fields" is one of the nation's best known literary works.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>In Flanders fields the poppies blow<br />
Between the crosses, row on row,<br />
That mark our place: and in the sky<br />
The larks still bravely singing fly<br />
Scarce heard amid the guns below. </b></span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>We are the dead: Short days ago,<br />
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,<br />
Loved and were loved: and now we lie<br />
In Flanders fields! </b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Take up our quarrel with the foe<br />
To you, from failing hands, we throw<br />
The torch: be yours to hold it high<br />
If ye break faith with us who die,<br />
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow<br />
In Flanders fields</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b>Thank you, veterans, for your service.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Xs and Os ... </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-67000061071452582212013-11-08T11:11:00.000-08:002013-11-08T11:11:46.284-08:00Friday Funnies ... and Someone Make Me More Coffee<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUDJQNjpqgWoAcwi09VWUUYzgSgmQZEMoWB7XsDxhd435t8lDZuvFUzm9hgBOnyCpju-dJwYBNWn9udF9VZ3x1fHR_wZDisnjdP6h_M-2e_Hch4sG9RASOZhBtmb9q4KOx-6ivF9uHHJM/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-25+at+4.32.20+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="317" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUDJQNjpqgWoAcwi09VWUUYzgSgmQZEMoWB7XsDxhd435t8lDZuvFUzm9hgBOnyCpju-dJwYBNWn9udF9VZ3x1fHR_wZDisnjdP6h_M-2e_Hch4sG9RASOZhBtmb9q4KOx-6ivF9uHHJM/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-10-25+at+4.32.20+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>FRIENDS! COUNTRYMEN!</b> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Go out to your car. If you don't have a car, borrow the neighbor's. They won't mind. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">While still in park, put your foot on the gas pedal and rev. Get the engine just below that red stripe, what, at about 6-7 for some cars, 9-10 for others? Now everyone's coming out of their homes or standing at their front windows to find out why the hell there's an engine revving to the point of explosion -- I guarantee if you've borrowed your neighbor's car to do this, he/she will be watching. So, that SOUND and that FEELING? Shit's loud, hey? (Man, I sound Canadian now.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">That has been my brain for the last two weeks. Which is why I didn't do Friday Funnies last week. (I also didn't vacuum. Please don't invite yourself over for tea.) There was plenty of funny to be had on the Internet, although, in all honesty, I find myself clicking to my last entry with the newspaper-reading cat in the suit and the IKEA monkey (Darwin) in his wee lit'le coat ... oh man, I'm laughing again. ANYWAY, I do like to laugh, and I hope you do too, because there is just so much carnage and yuck going on that giggling is the only way I've managed to stay one step ahead of those guys with the straitjackets ...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">On October 29, my split personality released a book (<a href="http://elizagordon.com/must-love-otters/" target="_blank"><i>Must Love Otters</i></a>) and it's going swimmingly with lots of darling<i> </i>reviews on Amazon and it's always interesting (terrifying) to see what folks have to say when you slice off a pound of your flesh and put it up for sale. I also spent the month of October holed up to finish yet <i>another</i> rewrite for the Neverending Book (<i>Sleight</i>, if you care) based on the comprehensive and always fantastic/painful edits from my brilliant editor (yes, I love you, editor mine, and I will be expecting my honorary MFA any day now from Dyer University). What that MEANS is, though, my brain -- it revved. There was one night here at the homestead that went like this:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Husband</b>: How was your day?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Jenn</b>: We should probably make some sauce to go along with ... I think I should kill off that one guy in Chapter Four but maybe ... Did I tell you I heard from one of the teachers today via ... The book order is late again ... Oh, we sold X books today but I'm trying not to ... One of the reviewers said she loved it and spit coffee out her ... I think I may have unwound a major plot knot in ... So I'm having a hard time finding the right socks for ... The cat was eating the headphone cords again but I ... Let me make the scrambled eggs for ...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Husband</b>: [spatula in hand] I have no idea what you just said.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">AND WHY IS THAT? Can't he hear the fourteen conversations going on in my head? Can't he hear the REVVING ENGINE?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Evidently not. So I was promptly sent to my room until I could formulate a single sentence from start to finish. I think I fell asleep and dreamed about newspaper-reading cats and IKEA monkeys.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Speaking of monkeys, I should really tell you about my adventures at Sephora. It went something like this: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jenn walks into Sephora, armed with two-month-old gift card from daughter.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jenn puts on face that says, <i>Don't sell me no nonsense, little missy</i>, the face usually reserved for car salesmen.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jenn sees her face in REAL mirror.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jenn holds back tears secondary to discovering the wrinkles dressing the area around her eyes. WHERE DID THOSE COME FROM?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jenn allows <strike>car</strike> makeup salesgirl to talk her into All the Shiny Things.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jenn walks out with a nice makeup job but is already concocting stories to tell Husband about the missing funds.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jenn wakes up the next day with the same determination she saves for cooking after putting out yet another fire in the kitchen--I CAN DO THIS--only to try to put the makeup on and FAIL. AGAIN.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jenn throws temper tantrum and takes to Facebook to complain about how she is not a real girl. Friends try to make her feel better.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jenn is still wrinkled and wears stripes on her eyelids that do not look like the smoky-eye demo picture.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jenn retires to her room with cookies. </span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Now, a singing cat:</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1aH80p5Mz_GNkbiwN7vv_Cz-1jXfIDRGV1snBcWbxrIBDZucc0RFc5vgAWKNb9Dx9KIWuqo2rqhAfNR7CdhzxOngW7cUDvuVEWhMyWleZhE4cbNgBDdU2YKvQBw_TkIlYUa8D6ryziyw/s1600/Singing+Nuit+103013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1aH80p5Mz_GNkbiwN7vv_Cz-1jXfIDRGV1snBcWbxrIBDZucc0RFc5vgAWKNb9Dx9KIWuqo2rqhAfNR7CdhzxOngW7cUDvuVEWhMyWleZhE4cbNgBDdU2YKvQBw_TkIlYUa8D6ryziyw/s400/Singing+Nuit+103013.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nuit, singing to her babies.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">We also had Halloween since our last visit. This was my soccer star's costume:</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_eotn4ro4l3yX1dqnfSFXNn7BsZ0b0UWKwWkUCs_5HcaLNaDcvpx2uAFiednkr4BSMfcnRwsw2RobVRt9b2H5ch-Son6HwQUCwTRUYVXi0PP1bxrtjvo5M6PeO9G4PFUCtyFSoZ5_k6w/s1600/Witch+King+2+2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_eotn4ro4l3yX1dqnfSFXNn7BsZ0b0UWKwWkUCs_5HcaLNaDcvpx2uAFiednkr4BSMfcnRwsw2RobVRt9b2H5ch-Son6HwQUCwTRUYVXi0PP1bxrtjvo5M6PeO9G4PFUCtyFSoZ5_k6w/s640/Witch+King+2+2013.jpg" width="388" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Witch King of Angmar. Husband gets CRAZY with Halloween. Sweet, huh?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My favorite<b> Funnies </b>from the last few weeks:</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj08IQh8k_TR7m93xMi9lDWSbzb90p9tdgVcq5PHUpuYmOuANOFjHmLZTEV25ltn9UBRzU5V7hw3I6gcT-Q5_cY6uY6DoBtNjexlFVxGv2SPEoIPDaVLgZjJwWPKYXSBtwsNsrdsmTlD6k/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-28+at+9.57.21+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj08IQh8k_TR7m93xMi9lDWSbzb90p9tdgVcq5PHUpuYmOuANOFjHmLZTEV25ltn9UBRzU5V7hw3I6gcT-Q5_cY6uY6DoBtNjexlFVxGv2SPEoIPDaVLgZjJwWPKYXSBtwsNsrdsmTlD6k/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-10-28+at+9.57.21+AM.png" width="273" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This has been known to happen.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBDqAq3VvGL0v2_1y_qEpm9CHLfTynt3Weh3itNkUvXWTMOMh3fn8gKddcmdf9yZ8GkfR7-zgyz46G-TQ8JTPfnVZfefF-DdDwVsEDjE0llUVNbzKuc_og5awFVsTk6rjDBstfK1DVmZ4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-27+at+8.49.58+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBDqAq3VvGL0v2_1y_qEpm9CHLfTynt3Weh3itNkUvXWTMOMh3fn8gKddcmdf9yZ8GkfR7-zgyz46G-TQ8JTPfnVZfefF-DdDwVsEDjE0llUVNbzKuc_og5awFVsTk6rjDBstfK1DVmZ4/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-27+at+8.49.58+AM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDxOLBnWzYEtm3qhkv4Veiug1vLYvIjruySTNLFQoxVonfhYQRKg2Iho5c9IfyktqWKi1Q9M9NbWkL3qmrTm2xDE0tH4HZsUIktkZFrtwhiSNBs6R207rv2ADhbhk6Q_wzGuw_GS6B804/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-18+at+2.29.21+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDxOLBnWzYEtm3qhkv4Veiug1vLYvIjruySTNLFQoxVonfhYQRKg2Iho5c9IfyktqWKi1Q9M9NbWkL3qmrTm2xDE0tH4HZsUIktkZFrtwhiSNBs6R207rv2ADhbhk6Q_wzGuw_GS6B804/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-18+at+2.29.21+PM.png" width="367" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">OMG, <i><b>THIS</b></i>. Seriously. Someone posted a corn chowder the other day and I had to hide them from my feed so I wouldn't barf on my keyboard. Unless you are Gordon Ramsey or that Nigella Lawson (she's hot), NO FOOD PICTURES. PLEASE.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmJjcxLKAvUiZ_DvI-MgpDZn2XbKNm5Sg_lR3sNPMeoK_Zn4x0HCkNyU4vdAgwnXVp-vwJ_Vgtgw_PLQ5-1aMuBRsb7zWg4VqW2gpgerDPRSEovKrknklwKpOqoVj5t5H-rmuqc6V4cvo/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-19+at+2.04.04+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmJjcxLKAvUiZ_DvI-MgpDZn2XbKNm5Sg_lR3sNPMeoK_Zn4x0HCkNyU4vdAgwnXVp-vwJ_Vgtgw_PLQ5-1aMuBRsb7zWg4VqW2gpgerDPRSEovKrknklwKpOqoVj5t5H-rmuqc6V4cvo/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-19+at+2.04.04+PM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I would use it exclusively.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGzwinlsMuedd22F29BCEDXRLsYirSNhio6nCBYh8QITYJCoUriyLT3XfqDyfR_GmDFyw1AjW7_NkQDhTwwhuN7TkrfGUeYaWhrclTWvJ9AWVXhQ7PQ4QWuDvVjd2eYxi7pNl0zsB4XBc/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-22+at+10.15.19+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="323" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGzwinlsMuedd22F29BCEDXRLsYirSNhio6nCBYh8QITYJCoUriyLT3XfqDyfR_GmDFyw1AjW7_NkQDhTwwhuN7TkrfGUeYaWhrclTWvJ9AWVXhQ7PQ4QWuDvVjd2eYxi7pNl0zsB4XBc/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-22+at+10.15.19+PM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Story of my life. My checking account is proof enough.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG1NaGbz2_-XUmW3eAuvGHr3HL3NDsJmgT5zch2a9BBVhLQZsR3E17y3eok8kfB2C1PdQp0j46JIzdAWVX_VZwM3SHnT6xxfTPNyZbGrOXTymvMw6oQaI779p9vIlu32PXD9TPkLCZnrc/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-25+at+7.11.16+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG1NaGbz2_-XUmW3eAuvGHr3HL3NDsJmgT5zch2a9BBVhLQZsR3E17y3eok8kfB2C1PdQp0j46JIzdAWVX_VZwM3SHnT6xxfTPNyZbGrOXTymvMw6oQaI779p9vIlu32PXD9TPkLCZnrc/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-25+at+7.11.16+PM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This happens when Husband calls to ask how my attempts at dinner are going.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3rEIy4MiAJ6FjnLOQ-hJ4faTNR0dQ1mLRsk21SeRC3EOyns1nDudwY7gk1voZxG2nDVsAi2DjlYRaoxc90GVz9E8zgYekbBmPO_o4kUa0RtqX8s4EbwkPMhiTQJHkRW1p99AdBEV-swk/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-26+at+3.03.24+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3rEIy4MiAJ6FjnLOQ-hJ4faTNR0dQ1mLRsk21SeRC3EOyns1nDudwY7gk1voZxG2nDVsAi2DjlYRaoxc90GVz9E8zgYekbBmPO_o4kUa0RtqX8s4EbwkPMhiTQJHkRW1p99AdBEV-swk/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-26+at+3.03.24+PM.png" width="397" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Calculate your cougar age: Divide your age in half and add 7. So, for me, if I were lusting after anyone 28 or younger, I am definitely in cougar territory. Then again, if I looked as good as THAT ^^^^^^^, I wouldn't bother with the math. I would just flash my boobies to EVERYONE. P.S. How rough was that tree bark under her ... never mind.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdoIi419fSRcNZDYB1-t_FsUwGuB7AB6E-pe0C3a1pm68f3q1eDg2jBcZET3rxno0Tx6yGrCgqzVwjQZhwdNM-xMQ6Ri-UTBWqT2GNpiFLBV0sRuaAYf_JnKbhNZrh8WSouPEEtkzaNAs/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-26+at+10.49.26+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="398" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdoIi419fSRcNZDYB1-t_FsUwGuB7AB6E-pe0C3a1pm68f3q1eDg2jBcZET3rxno0Tx6yGrCgqzVwjQZhwdNM-xMQ6Ri-UTBWqT2GNpiFLBV0sRuaAYf_JnKbhNZrh8WSouPEEtkzaNAs/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-26+at+10.49.26+AM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You feel smarter now, don't you ... you're welcome.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Next week, we will have lots to giggle about because I am trading a photography session for an elliptical. I shoot the photos; I get a new elliptical. Which means I have to exercise. For real. If you don't hear from me for a while, I may have pulled all the muscles. Send help.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Have a great weekend. Shout out to all the veterans who have fought for freedom and righteousness, including this hunk of love, my oldest boy. Love you, brat.</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR0OR5Axk5ejpe5y6oxp2onP4pqJ9PJfc0kTbmunTNGKbtps2VqxvYSn63GCvnDbnQ99pEQ1DTAAWVzed_j7W3jIApZuh9MOmwSv7btPNCYWxBG-5h4rbGM9qYN8NNWm7a1YRhSvaxiU0/s1600/Blake+on+mission+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR0OR5Axk5ejpe5y6oxp2onP4pqJ9PJfc0kTbmunTNGKbtps2VqxvYSn63GCvnDbnQ99pEQ1DTAAWVzed_j7W3jIApZuh9MOmwSv7btPNCYWxBG-5h4rbGM9qYN8NNWm7a1YRhSvaxiU0/s400/Blake+on+mission+2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Now call your mother. She worries.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Xs and Os ...</span><br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-3565147583762075812013-10-29T07:04:00.000-07:002013-10-29T18:12:38.801-07:00Must Love Otters Is Out in the Whole Wild World!<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Sooooo, I might have mentioned that while working on the Epic Rewrites of the Century, my personality underwent a little tiny fracture and I may have started working on another project with my husband, and we called this new entity <a href="http://elizagordon.com/" target="_blank">Eliza Gordon</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Wellllll, Eliza's book, <i>Must Love Otters</i>, it drops today. As in, it's live, for you to buy. I'll let Gandalf say it for me:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2v4rTYEVpT7KH9OSdXtHPOpoy8qhiQmpsr-a33gXu3MfIlAXJwROx8GxmkiqzpPsYy2On8oyaMT8Y6sHtGWRuiUuCPRzc1nNlnUH0dgHsWXywEdmBUjyiBJo63nMpNSmChwnyZS2sqMQ/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-29+at+6.46.30+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2v4rTYEVpT7KH9OSdXtHPOpoy8qhiQmpsr-a33gXu3MfIlAXJwROx8GxmkiqzpPsYy2On8oyaMT8Y6sHtGWRuiUuCPRzc1nNlnUH0dgHsWXywEdmBUjyiBJo63nMpNSmChwnyZS2sqMQ/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-29+at+6.46.30+AM.png" width="275" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Sorry. I couldn't help it. AGAIN with the cats. BECAUSE OMIGOD, IT'S NATIONAL CAT DAY. I'm not even making this up. It totally is. And I am SO stoked.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But today is supposed to be about OTTERS. Honestly, if you don't think sea otters are absolutely among the top five MOST ADORABLE sea creatures ever, maybe you're on the wrong page here. Thanks for stopping by, but seriously ... COME OOOON, have you <i>seen</i> a baby sea otter? Did you forget your soul at the bowling alley last night or <i>what</i>?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Without further ado, happy birthday to Eliza's book.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgStZHRZPzbdFhyphenhyphenimLHu0w4KIDpqoS1kNmgBAhOIyhd-mwg5tobWbDUT6QUIoxSAuKZH2i2AD_kLBeyHm42JJKa4hCxR0HsD33z9PSJpuG3FWkgod83h0J-tnSvG7tdRLpHzlo_Etk1tbE/s1600/Release-day-badge-all-channels.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="261" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgStZHRZPzbdFhyphenhyphenimLHu0w4KIDpqoS1kNmgBAhOIyhd-mwg5tobWbDUT6QUIoxSAuKZH2i2AD_kLBeyHm42JJKa4hCxR0HsD33z9PSJpuG3FWkgod83h0J-tnSvG7tdRLpHzlo_Etk1tbE/s400/Release-day-badge-all-channels.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>BUY LINKS:</b></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Must-Love-Otters-Eliza-Gordon-ebook/dp/B00G2V5G32/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_d_2" target="_blank">Amazon</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Must-Love-Otters-ebook/dp/B00G2V5G32/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383032536&sr=8-1&keywords=Must+Love+Otters" target="_blank">Amazon.ca (for Canadian book nuts)</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Must-Love-Otters-Eliza-Gordon-ebook/dp/B00G2V5G32/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383033130&sr=8-1&keywords=Must+Love+Otters" target="_blank">Amazon.co.uk (for those across the pond!)</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="http://store.vook.com/storefronts/book/must-love-otters.html#.Um9ebSTkDDw" target="_blank">Vook Store</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/must-love-otters-eliza-gordon/1117247811?ean=9781630640101" target="_blank">Barnes & Noble Nook</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>Otters </i>is also supposed to be available for <b>Sony </b>and<b> Samsung devices.</b> Please let me know if you cannot find your preferred e-book and we’ll look into it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="http://elizagordon.com/2013/10/29/otters-in-the-wild/" target="_blank">IF YOU LIKE CHOCOLATE CAKE</a> ... Eliza has also listed a recipe (on the new release post on ElizaGordon.com) that she will likely never make because the fire department doesn't like her to cook. She will instead opt for a box cake, for purposes of saving the house and time, but still ... cake is cake. WHO DOESN'T LIKE CAKE?<b> </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>SUMMARY:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Hollie Porter is the chairwoman of Generation Disillusioned: at twenty-five years old, she’s saddled with a job she hates, a boyfriend who’s all wrong for her, and a vexing inability to say no. She’s already near her breaking point, so when one caller too many kicks the bucket during Hollie’s 911 shift, she cashes in the Sweethearts’ Spa & Stay gift certificate from her dad and heads to Revelation Cove, British Columbia. One caveat: she’s going solo. Any sweethearts will have to be found on site.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Hollie hopes to find her beloved otters in the wilds of the Great White North, but instead she’s providing comic relief for staff and guests alike. Even Concierge Ryan, a former NHL star with bad knees and broken dreams, can’t stop her from stumbling from one (mis)adventure to another. Just when Hollie starts to think that a change of venue doesn’t mean a change in circumstances, the island works its charm and she starts to think she might have found the rejuvenation she so desperately desires. But then an uninvited guest crashes the party, forcing her to step out of the discomfort zone where she dwells and save the day … and maybe even herself in the process.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>THANK YOU IN ADVANCE. We hope you likey.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Now I need some damn coffee ... whose wackity-schmakity idea was it to get up at damn SIX A.M.???</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Xs and Os, lovelies ...</span><b><br /></b>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-45529661041405253912013-10-25T11:08:00.001-07:002013-10-25T12:00:10.086-07:00Friday Funnies: Felis Catus<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The morning started with cat barf.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As in, the cat BARFED all over the laptop. Granted, I could be saying PHEW NOT MY LAPTOP because it wasn't -- it belongs to Pretty Princess -- but <i>still</i>. Cat barf. Gross.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Speaking of Pretty Princess, we have to start calling her the J-School Rookie. As in, she got into journalism school. At a real university. For January. Let's all say CONGRATULATIONS, <strike>Pretty Princess</strike> <a href="http://trulyluminary.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">J-School Rookie</a>. From now until classes start, she will be my intern. It's gonna be awesome. I'm going to make her pick up dry cleaning (do yoga pants need dry cleaning?) and clean the coffee pot and reorganize my sock drawer and alphabetize the bookshelves and THEN we will make her write an investigative article on the reasons why cats barf. If you have any ideas for <strike>mean</strike> educational things we can have the Rookie undertake, do let me know. Interns ROCK.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Speaking of cats, NOT SURE if I mentioned this last week but Nuit had her girlie parts removed on Friday. </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She was not jumping for joy about having to go to the vet.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Last Friday night, we were freaked <i>out</i> because her postsurgical recovery wasn't great. She was hiding under the bed, she wouldn't eat, she cried if we touched her. But I am SO HAPPY to report that Naughty Nuit is doing way, way better, back to terrorizing everyone/everything, trying to pull the wrappers off the toffee candies sitting on the table (yes, we're like old people now -- we have a bowl of wrapped candies sitting on the kitchen table SOMEONE HAND ME MY GERITOL AND READING GLASSES ) <i>and</i> she is NOT the cat who barfed on the computer, in case you were wondering. That was her big dumb Maine Coon brother who recently lost a tooth in a fight with a raccoon. Man, that was a lot of blood. Poor raccoon.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">BUT, this unfortunate event this morning involving vomitus leads us to this week's Very Awesome Theme: CATS. Hey, Ellen Degeneres is allegedly doing a whole Cat Week, so let's steal some thunder and have our own <b>Friday Funnies Devoted to Felines.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>FIRST, however, Convos With My 2-Year-Old --</b> they did something different in the spirit of the upcoming Halloweenie, and I <i>dare say</i>, old chap, it's a mighty good belly-buster:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">ONWARD TOWARD CATS:</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUXehFa6x5H6AmVNCxG-PmG520g2KEzp9gNfj-MCChVBrH7Sp-8ZnyZ57eBloZ0rskPn6i64FWx5j9P3gr4VBKcxf1IaOiaqwFYT2vl3fXj9OY4h9o25Ud_sxi6IasTOfy3-FOQL9sYb8/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-24+at+4.33.41+PM(1).png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUXehFa6x5H6AmVNCxG-PmG520g2KEzp9gNfj-MCChVBrH7Sp-8ZnyZ57eBloZ0rskPn6i64FWx5j9P3gr4VBKcxf1IaOiaqwFYT2vl3fXj9OY4h9o25Ud_sxi6IasTOfy3-FOQL9sYb8/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-24+at+4.33.41+PM(1).png" width="306" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">THIS WAS ME THE OTHER DAY. In the potty. I found the LEG, but no spider. WHERE IS THE SPIDER?</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Writers? This:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuaGLOowz2mvmGgv5lT2LMaiTuTMLTP3f0leoDNKmH0FgUYX1EafH6eNVWCKJZIr5YWEIpjsHhoAJ6pfrJXZxiQpmML1l7qq0liZCDyLONZ3YlealnTU-4IJo6jyRmdd-8bOnepcnZx6g/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-25+at+11.58.48+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuaGLOowz2mvmGgv5lT2LMaiTuTMLTP3f0leoDNKmH0FgUYX1EafH6eNVWCKJZIr5YWEIpjsHhoAJ6pfrJXZxiQpmML1l7qq0liZCDyLONZ3YlealnTU-4IJo6jyRmdd-8bOnepcnZx6g/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-25+at+11.58.48+AM.png" width="383" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">From Ellen's CAT WEEK, Days 2 and 3:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Obviously, I have a problem. I like cats. If I didn't have children, I would be a crazy cat lady. But in my defense ...</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRVivXaqfnWAprnbGYKs89ORUlVf0Q9lmN1gyuLm5Td_OI97cLSglELrq19Y2KfagWpCsVsFiRT2Jn9c9EpFzQhCKlhEhs2I0T23AISFULJJjLRkM8CdAFsUjyvZN0bCFge0X_AVRKtbM/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-25+at+10.27.14+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRVivXaqfnWAprnbGYKs89ORUlVf0Q9lmN1gyuLm5Td_OI97cLSglELrq19Y2KfagWpCsVsFiRT2Jn9c9EpFzQhCKlhEhs2I0T23AISFULJJjLRkM8CdAFsUjyvZN0bCFge0X_AVRKtbM/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-25+at+10.27.14+AM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I seriously laughed my ass off when I saw this next one. Did you guys HEAR about <a href="http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/darwin-the-ikea-monkey-to-remain-in-animal-sanctuary/article14303176/" target="_blank">Darwin the IKEA monkey</a>? Sorta sad, actually:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I know. I can't stop giggling, either.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">HAVE AN AWESOME WEEK, people. OH, and sign up for <a href="http://elizagordon.com/newsletter-link/" target="_blank">Eliza Gordon's newsletter</a> for more wacky hijinks. Follow her on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/eliza.gordon.52" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="http://twitter.com/eliza_gordon" target="_blank">Twitter</a> and <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18715347-must-love-otters" target="_blank">Goodreads</a>. And you can PREORDER her book now on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Must-Love-Otters-ebook/dp/B00G2V5G32/ref=la_B00G3HKIBK_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382718332&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Amazon</a> and on the <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/must-love-otters/id730760486?mt=11" target="_blank">iBookstore</a>, OR wait until Tuesday. Buy her funny book so she will be busy and stop nagging me about cookie recipes. SERIOUSLY. I HATE BAKING.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">By the way -- <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Canucks" target="_blank"><b>IT'S GAME DAY</b></a>.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhobLMPBPyBEcpCnm4WGkPlvIrkpimG24MuzcHyp5Al8873B-FalnYJNBf2h_4sIc3oBSZAOk3lDo18PCL_p4EFZcBnb-1GtnNGjBavBzWSOFoAB36uzmCrA_sd-G92f_PaLZQDSTXygws/s1600/Smug+Nuit+is+smug+10.08.13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhobLMPBPyBEcpCnm4WGkPlvIrkpimG24MuzcHyp5Al8873B-FalnYJNBf2h_4sIc3oBSZAOk3lDo18PCL_p4EFZcBnb-1GtnNGjBavBzWSOFoAB36uzmCrA_sd-G92f_PaLZQDSTXygws/s400/Smug+Nuit+is+smug+10.08.13.jpg" width="265" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">GO CANUCKS GO!!!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Xs and Os ...</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-20298246958407714052013-10-21T11:10:00.000-07:002013-10-22T12:54:03.087-07:00Year 13: Lace and Fur<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Sooooo ... On September 23, 2000, the guy I'd been dating took me out to a fancy dinner in Malibu and asked me to the beach afterwards. I thought, "Sweet. We're gonna make out under the Ferris wheel on the Santa Monica Pier. This will be legendary." Although we did make it to the beach, the Santa Monica Pier and its Ferris wheel in view behind us, we did not make out. Which is a shame because I had a smokin' body covered by an awesome dress that I can't even fit over my head anymore.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">How things change.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Though we didn't act indecent in public, this guy -- let's call him GareBear because that's his name around these parts -- he pulled out a little velvet box and got sand on his knee and said those magical words, most of which I can't remember. I do know that the evening ended with a "Yes! Yes! Yes!" I will leave that to your imagination.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfm30eVgYyB2Z0Jtj_RSB-ddTEb8JlQAvwMvL2FpBpVqZWHm1pXkodQyhQ9WO94SABFnf67f1LmWfmwa6G-EMGzx9MvUD6mpaTgHme_15YMPc8qdv86zty894XddpdkQg5qePYpSv_zAU/s1600/Goofy+Tards.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfm30eVgYyB2Z0Jtj_RSB-ddTEb8JlQAvwMvL2FpBpVqZWHm1pXkodQyhQ9WO94SABFnf67f1LmWfmwa6G-EMGzx9MvUD6mpaTgHme_15YMPc8qdv86zty894XddpdkQg5qePYpSv_zAU/s400/Goofy+Tards.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yay! We're engaged! Now what ...?</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">His folks were visiting from O Canada. They said, "We're not leaving your house until you get married." Hence, we planned a wedding in less than a month (in fact, if you want to be specific, we planned a wedding in eight days. Oh yes we DID). The Little Brown Church of the Valley, in Studio City, California -- where Ronald Reagan wed his Nancy -- could squeeze us in on a Saturday at 5 p.m. We were the 22,002nd couple to be married there. Cool.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So this happened:</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWKykWf46kOZGwtufGLz_6kE9z-fWl6dvcZve_YktPPsdQeVTjS9wp7_kraVC2dxsft7IextZMFJHojorVrLPRoF_TvOowb6I0yyPU2dhYIXQjlszrPKrSzGQm1MHEUBoRFxfy5Xof6Lc/s1600/Happy+marry+day.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWKykWf46kOZGwtufGLz_6kE9z-fWl6dvcZve_YktPPsdQeVTjS9wp7_kraVC2dxsft7IextZMFJHojorVrLPRoF_TvOowb6I0yyPU2dhYIXQjlszrPKrSzGQm1MHEUBoRFxfy5Xof6Lc/s400/Happy+marry+day.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Married. Now he's stuck.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTkaTZHE_wXnRv4iFYosdVE2o5eUe_M-S9o4E2SNUV81NdlS8qht8l9eEgAwAiDFPi3KWwKTCVqOU1WD_BSb90AQNKmqXrObake6nTwjh3jFv0R4fTLYSiGo3xMHIcwFDTeaqHxa7QGzU/s1600/Dancing+Youngs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTkaTZHE_wXnRv4iFYosdVE2o5eUe_M-S9o4E2SNUV81NdlS8qht8l9eEgAwAiDFPi3KWwKTCVqOU1WD_BSb90AQNKmqXrObake6nTwjh3jFv0R4fTLYSiGo3xMHIcwFDTeaqHxa7QGzU/s400/Dancing+Youngs.jpg" width="302" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Then we danced. (What I would give to have that body back.)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Fast forward thirteen years. We live in a different country, GareBear's still in the same (confounded) film industry, and we have multiplied. NO, we did not get married because we were knocked up. Do the math. Our first child together was born 13 months after we got married. Sure, we didn't waste time. My ovaries had an expiry date.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Thirteen years is a long time to put up with someone else's shit. We haven't taken pictures of the less savory times, when we were about to kill one another or when one half of the relationship has slept on the couch for a few nights (in a row) or when I'm in the kitchen raging about the fact that this family IS SO LAZY and "I swear to God I am going to just up and leave one day and then you'll be sorry" or when the ONLY THING I ever talk about is The Book and I really don't listen much to what anyone else is talking about, especially if it's not about The Book and when GareBear has too many burritos and the house becomes a hazardous waste site or when I throw a huge temper tantrum because I HATE COOKING and everyone always wants stupid food or when I refuse to get out of bed because "what's the point."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Thing is, we're still here. And we still have to try to not kill each other, etc., but the COOL part is, we make each other giggle. Did you know that in the olden days -- no, NOT when I was a kid -- anniversary gifts followed a traditional list:</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKFHXoVN6u7XAPqSbHI_JZ-AlAN-pfhmjY0sqaVwgxbuTfhX2IoViq-uDgzRpO5jL9Fzhho0W0HBYlEPBAbXGhsekOcX2T2U5haN2uhRjArkBKNxKFfcCAGVsaFLvXAXRg7MlKTxWD8Rg/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-21+at+10.47.03+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKFHXoVN6u7XAPqSbHI_JZ-AlAN-pfhmjY0sqaVwgxbuTfhX2IoViq-uDgzRpO5jL9Fzhho0W0HBYlEPBAbXGhsekOcX2T2U5haN2uhRjArkBKNxKFfcCAGVsaFLvXAXRg7MlKTxWD8Rg/s640/Screen+Shot+2013-10-21+at+10.47.03+AM.png" width="436" /> </a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Being the smart-asses that we are, we don't take this crap too seriously. In fact, most anniversaries we sort of just pat each other on the head and say, "Good job on surviving another year, yo. See you after soccer practice/piano/work/the dentist." </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In Year 11, the suggested gift is STEEL. So, GareBear got me steel wool. Believe it or not, I was stoked. Steel wool cleans EVERYTHING. As we have conquered Year 13 (because technically, an anniversary marks the 13th year, which is the end of that year and the birth of the next year), the traditional gift is LACE and FUR. So THIS is what I found waiting on my chair this morning:</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJMfdtY8OUmCM42KVw-blorwR03-BRhd8cbsAdulvZVlLJXruE8ptxOh4ffVg_tpt7u53G9v9pyHZfiu7XMiL6d8PePQ84KwZCGcWLOQxYqs85u7xThYuT1MsPLk1ODhmGnWizpwmeRb4/s1600/LaSenza+box.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJMfdtY8OUmCM42KVw-blorwR03-BRhd8cbsAdulvZVlLJXruE8ptxOh4ffVg_tpt7u53G9v9pyHZfiu7XMiL6d8PePQ84KwZCGcWLOQxYqs85u7xThYuT1MsPLk1ODhmGnWizpwmeRb4/s400/LaSenza+box.jpg" width="265" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And I was all like, "Really, GareBear? Lingerie? Have you SEEN me naked lately? No. You have not. And I have eaten A LOT of cookies this year." Okay, okay, he bought me lingerie. Suck it up, Princess.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So I open the box. And inside, I find:</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>FUR</b></span> </span></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNFJSLJ_8-rZ9bfB5b73umOzRRGHncsZ1Xx1zw6PlBJzi0LZQjsPULqeQsjPVsYj3-T_lMfMjXMH4fuueyDhh6GMBW0o9CuW5INmxNFxqsSDyLE7GCxNoKrj_fBpKU5-L45CPeoxJOZ5U/s1600/FUR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNFJSLJ_8-rZ9bfB5b73umOzRRGHncsZ1Xx1zw6PlBJzi0LZQjsPULqeQsjPVsYj3-T_lMfMjXMH4fuueyDhh6GMBW0o9CuW5INmxNFxqsSDyLE7GCxNoKrj_fBpKU5-L45CPeoxJOZ5U/s640/FUR.jpg" width="424" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's a T-SHIRT. OH, I am SO wearing this out in public. Come on, GareBear. LET'S GO OUT FOR DINNER.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And this:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">LACE</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidnyg3dRgSdr3I0dlzD_87Ahrg-w-3IgfkakErehyzGLrPoWpCpDB0SV00lveANBtwzdlqu_C6wBAN_1mn7sWertMxqvhJ3iMCIU6l-erRPsXX-q8Y0VI_aQmLY4x3LnLEuNejPN9_A1E/s1600/LACE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidnyg3dRgSdr3I0dlzD_87Ahrg-w-3IgfkakErehyzGLrPoWpCpDB0SV00lveANBtwzdlqu_C6wBAN_1mn7sWertMxqvhJ3iMCIU6l-erRPsXX-q8Y0VI_aQmLY4x3LnLEuNejPN9_A1E/s640/LACE.jpg" width="424" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Pretty little bow for my hairs.</span></span><b><br /></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">GareBear? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">NAILED IT.</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to the dude who my kids call Dad, who fills my bed with farts, and who makes me giggle at least once a week. I'm sorry I am so mean to you, especially when you have a Man Cold. I will try to be less mean as we begin Day 1 of Year 14. But can we PLEASE go out for dinner tonight, even if it's cheeseburgers? I don't waaaaaaaaanna cook dinner.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I love your face, Captain McFarty Pants.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">XOXO</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">P.S. I WORE FUR OUT IN PUBLIC. Here's proof (thanks for the picture, Chanel!):</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-KQyplB3AYbdcgSIDg58gEjBxx_2oTa5Eto-a1BDtM6a3WL4gbuian787xMUEb9VXsuwOp0_HwjI6Bk7Bhof0qgF7bty86dMLXKO_r4dZImhjZQlv9WoATTIh3T-LkgQogA9XIZWaGaU/s1600/Proof+of+FUR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-KQyplB3AYbdcgSIDg58gEjBxx_2oTa5Eto-a1BDtM6a3WL4gbuian787xMUEb9VXsuwOp0_HwjI6Bk7Bhof0qgF7bty86dMLXKO_r4dZImhjZQlv9WoATTIh3T-LkgQogA9XIZWaGaU/s400/Proof+of+FUR.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I rocked that lion's FACE off.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> As you were. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-31983206863753404222013-10-18T11:02:00.000-07:002013-10-25T11:22:22.734-07:00Friday Funnies ... Because Giggling on Friday Is Better than on Monday<b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">THAT TIME AGAIN.</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I know you guys are like, "Wahhhh, when is it going to be Friday this week is so long and boring and seriousssssly make it Friday so I can go out to the bar and spend $8 for every beer I drink/$12 for every Cosmopolitan I order and then feel bloated and try to time my farts so that the hot girl/delicious guy standing next to my better-looking BFF won't hear my bum squeeeeeeeeak or see the green cloud emanating from my NetherRegions ..."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You don't think this? What are YOUR big plans tonight, then, HUH? Maybe closer to mine? Working until your eyes burn and then checking on the cat who has had her girlie bits removed and is likely working very hard to remove the Cone of Shame? Then pick up one child from work and holler at another to stop eating so many marshmallows because it will give him worms and then kindly ask the Most Sensitive Child if his soccer gear is tidied and then realize that we are STILL out of milk because I'm apparently the only person in the house who realizes that they sell NEW jugs of milk at the grocery store and oh yeah while you're there coffee toilet paper and bread would be great too thanks.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Your night is the same? WE'RE LIKE TWINS.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(Note to you partying-because-I-have-a-life types: Always have GasX or Beano in your purse/wallet. Forget a condom. Well, take that too, but farts are terrible on dates. Like, so gross. Save the farts for when you're living together.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Because it's Friday--and IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION, <i>Must Love Otters</i>, a new romantic comedy from Eliza Gordon (read: me + Husband) will be coming out soon. October 29. Blabbity-blah-blah, scroll down for the post and be sure to like EG on FB ("like" link in the sidebar) and visit her <a href="http://www.elizagordon.com/" target="_blank">website</a> for the 411. THE REAL POINT of today is <b>Friday Funnies</b>. And I'm not even vacuuming yet! That will happen sometime tomorrow, so I will take notes in case something really earth-shattering occurs to me while chasing dust bunnies. (How do they grow so BIG in just a week? Bastards are eating my Girl Guide cookies, aren't they ... I KNEW IT.) But Saturday chores are never really full of anything too mind-blowing. Usually it just involves a lot of cussing and me feeling sorry for myself that my childhood was one long chore list and that I should probably re-up my therapy membership so someone other than the real estate guy who knocks on the door regularly and the lady at the gas station can listen to my woes. #firstworldproblems</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Onward!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Another installment from <b>Convos With My Two-Year-Old!</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(This one should be <b>Season 3, Episode 2</b>.)</span></div>
<b> </b><br />
<b> </b><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/eaZn3PUPhWk?list=UUs8CluusAzfON2gMmOuohsA" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
******</div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In case you missed it, a fact that I have LONG known to be true has been proven via the use of rats. <b>Oreos are as addictive as cocaine.</b> Duhhhhh!</span><br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm-Cngc-4w6fyTu8IuFqaU94x8ZsxwANrd9BGkHGDEWVSHN7uHUL3pdL3syVht-MCAJiA9KgcsmtorcINiA52ia19KtUSWc9xJKrkjBi3RypXKmgrWJOHl030i9p3NABK6NcFeyqTpSfw/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-18+at+6.58.14+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="341" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm-Cngc-4w6fyTu8IuFqaU94x8ZsxwANrd9BGkHGDEWVSHN7uHUL3pdL3syVht-MCAJiA9KgcsmtorcINiA52ia19KtUSWc9xJKrkjBi3RypXKmgrWJOHl030i9p3NABK6NcFeyqTpSfw/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-18+at+6.58.14+AM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">From <a href="http://www.today.com/health/addicted-oreos-you-truly-might-be-8C11399682" target="_blank">Today Health</a>:</span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Oreos are as addictive as cocaine, at least for lab rats, and just like us, they like the creamy center best.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Eating
the sugary treats activates more neurons in the brain’s “pleasure
center” than drugs such as cocaine, the team at Connecticut College
found.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Our research supports the theory that high-fat/ high-sugar
foods stimulate the brain in the same way that drugs do,” neuroscience
assistant professor Joseph Schroeder says. “That may be one reason
people have trouble staying away from them and it may be contributing to
the obesity epidemic.” </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Schroeder’s neuroscience students put
hungry rats into a maze. On one side went rice cakes. “Just like humans,
rats don’t seem to get much pleasure out of eating them,” Schroeder
said. On the other side went Oreos.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Oh, and just like most people - the rats eat the creamy center first.</span></blockquote>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> Now you know. #vindicated</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
******</div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My favorite Some Ecards for this week (I love these dumb things):</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF26wfhgEURebPXnaGwFTqi4eA5VD9E7k2cqxRN75fQAciUR2zBlQoJBUQt9sK0RWFvZuUPBwuil2oPLNTNgIso0hoLVlth444RSc13lC6i4d06_kaD9IzRF1DNkBL-j524vE4Z9VkY6Q/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-18+at+6.52.16+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF26wfhgEURebPXnaGwFTqi4eA5VD9E7k2cqxRN75fQAciUR2zBlQoJBUQt9sK0RWFvZuUPBwuil2oPLNTNgIso0hoLVlth444RSc13lC6i4d06_kaD9IzRF1DNkBL-j524vE4Z9VkY6Q/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-18+at+6.52.16+AM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This one ESPECIALLY because Husband has a Man Cold and OOOOOOMG, seriously. I am so bored without anyone to make FUN of. (Yes. It is all about me. I am one of those, "Omigod, you have a cold? Wah for you! Have I reminded you today that I pushed a watermelon out of my vagina FOUR TIMES? Whatever, Sneezy." God. Poor Husband. You guys should send him some hockey tickets or a hotter wife or something.)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ6Lb4wP0wIOIYzaj4G66gnxR9y1fmNgPy31NjLbeCpDqC6sOODu395TTQo9B0kUpDQcV92rtpwhudcKgkMbQc2fFlJhR3kT_dQdJRYKjomZdcyayNskto9ufUNN6bi-pWuON1mbgUito/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-18+at+6.54.09+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ6Lb4wP0wIOIYzaj4G66gnxR9y1fmNgPy31NjLbeCpDqC6sOODu395TTQo9B0kUpDQcV92rtpwhudcKgkMbQc2fFlJhR3kT_dQdJRYKjomZdcyayNskto9ufUNN6bi-pWuON1mbgUito/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-18+at+6.54.09+AM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You know who you are.</span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV0bg1VFHa9rnoCReKfXJFZakLyXdIgzuiUoO5Hh5K__A4qyIQfEOjOxg9EgJfMYF-z5bg9c-uqF-bYSBC8wDQF_MQhhe28_Aee9nM4f36Z-zme_TXV4sipq8xJ2O_eSprj9iZSqzoqiI/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-18+at+6.55.51+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV0bg1VFHa9rnoCReKfXJFZakLyXdIgzuiUoO5Hh5K__A4qyIQfEOjOxg9EgJfMYF-z5bg9c-uqF-bYSBC8wDQF_MQhhe28_Aee9nM4f36Z-zme_TXV4sipq8xJ2O_eSprj9iZSqzoqiI/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-18+at+6.55.51+AM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This comes up. A lot, actually. "Ohhhh, so do you make money doing that?" No. Not really. Sometimes. I'm mostly in it for the torture.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>My favorite word-related giggle this week:</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF1QM0hxOCvle6dP0me4lwL3Hh6wSFe2_QTnKyNXHEskrCWVWorqwsextjtpDLqV7AMUlr7r7AStqgdO1nRaDifUhkXt2pmnQV1Nf4zhyjNi4f5Ofzrf6OUBkmA25L4ZoLydwLFi7KCLo/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-18+at+6.59.36+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF1QM0hxOCvle6dP0me4lwL3Hh6wSFe2_QTnKyNXHEskrCWVWorqwsextjtpDLqV7AMUlr7r7AStqgdO1nRaDifUhkXt2pmnQV1Nf4zhyjNi4f5Ofzrf6OUBkmA25L4ZoLydwLFi7KCLo/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-18+at+6.59.36+AM.png" width="305" /> </a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>HOBBIT NERDS!!!</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(Purists need not apply because you guys are so busy arguing about all the changes Peter Jackson et al made to the original story but SSSHHHHH because we likes it, Precious.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>FIFTY-SIX DAYS.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Thorin Oakenshield + Fili + Kili = WINNING</b></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I'm good with that.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And to finish out the week, <b>MORE STUFF ABOUT OTTERS!</b> Meet Otter 501. PBS's <a href="http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/episodes/saving-otter-501/video-meet-otter-501/8468/" target="_blank"><i>Nature</i></a> ran a special about her this week. Check your PBS station or OnDemand service provider if you missed it (or go to YouTube--there are lots of videos about 501!). I am so happy to report that this orphaned newborn sea otter had a successful rehabilitation and release into the wild off the shores of Monterey, California, and is now a mom herself!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I hope your weekend is filled with all that makes you happy and none of the stuff that turns you into a homicidal jerkface. Let me know how it goes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(And don't forget to visit <a href="http://www.elizagordon.com/" target="_blank">Eliza Gordon</a> and check out <i>Must Love Otters.</i> Okay! I'm done! Promise.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Xs and Os, lovelies ...</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-1437844019944640152013-10-16T08:00:00.000-07:002013-10-16T08:00:08.663-07:00Must Love Otters -- Because They Are Adorable!<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Soooooo ...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I wrote a book that was available and then it wasn't available and then it found a new home and now it's undergoing some major remodeling. (Yes. Still. It's a process.) Some of you are still waiting on that book to reappear, all decked out in her pretty new wallpaper and crown molding and custom tile work, and for THAT, I thank you SO MUCH. When she's all done? She's gonna "shine like the top of the Chrysler Building!" Pretty sure I stole that from Miss Hannigan (did I?), but whatever.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As it stands, I'm still trying to put <i>Sleight</i>'s pieces back in the right order. Next time, someone remind me that writing stories with even the slightest brushstroke of fantasy is for smart people. I don't know if I am a smart people. Don't tell my editor or agent I said that. I think they might still think I'm sorta smart. Or at least of average intelligence. This week, I have not heard the whispers of intelligence. Only that mean voice that says GET A REAL JOB YOU BONEHEAD.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Although editing is a real job. Ask my lovely clients. I donate blood every time I edit a manuscript. Well, metaphorically speaking. I mean, I don't go *into* Canadian Blood Services and offer a vein because if I did that, I'd totally pass out and would likely vomit on the way down and then aspirate through my nose and possibly choke to death, and that is WAY not as romantic as being a writer who, drunk on whiskey and the tears soaking into her inky manuscript, choked to death on her own genius.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Not as romantic as that at all.</b> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">SO. THE POINT HERE (I've mentioned that my ex-husband used to get SO mad at me for digressing, didn't I? God, he was so mean):</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My personality has split. There's Jenn Sommersby (Jenn Sy to my Facebook minions), and now, there is <b>Eliza Gordon</b>. My pen name. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But why a pen name, Jenn? And why not keep it a mysterious secret like J. K. Rowling and Nora Roberts and a bunch of other folks? Because although THIS is the bio you get on her profile ...</span><br />
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<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-24f041e5-aaa8-b940-b814-ec6e08cd50a3" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Eliza Gordon is a forgetful girl who relies on Post-It notes and cellphone alarms to get her through the day. An avid eater of cookies, she can be found with her hand in the jar when not in her cubicle. A purveyor of fictions, Eliza is confident that the life she lives in merely the imaginings of someone else’s hand, poured from a dull pencil on cafe napkins, and that she is simply an understudy, waiting for her turn to take the stage. She has excellent taste in books, shoes, and friends, and questionable sanity in the realm of love. Best leave that one alone.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The REAL Eliza is actually two people: myself and my husband. We are co-writing fictions of fun and fancy. Our first project, <i><b>Must Love Otters</b></i>, is thus:</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSIlLyudJPntaqlQP-8UtV7Qdqs3e9w_xgIweDtRaMeAiay38uXbBotDfsKMU0mONNR1zzd4szUUA09sghRH1wffZpTkmG5nSHx9w7jaFtdDSc7xo63EIu2MZLYTwpVS0THwA_nsnrKXE/s1600/MLO+BN+Kobo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSIlLyudJPntaqlQP-8UtV7Qdqs3e9w_xgIweDtRaMeAiay38uXbBotDfsKMU0mONNR1zzd4szUUA09sghRH1wffZpTkmG5nSHx9w7jaFtdDSc7xo63EIu2MZLYTwpVS0THwA_nsnrKXE/s640/MLO+BN+Kobo.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Sarah Hansen of <a href="http://www.okaycreations.com/" target="_blank">Okay Creations</a>, did this awesome cover. She's chocolately goodness.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>A romance of comedic proportions:</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Hollie Porter is the chairwoman of Generation Disillusioned: at twenty-five years old, she’s saddled with a job she hates, a boyfriend who’s all wrong for her, and a vexing inability to say no. She’s already near her breaking point, so when one caller too many kicks the bucket during Hollie’s 911 shift, she cashes in the Sweethearts’ Spa & Stay gift certificate from her dad and heads to Revelation Cove, British Columbia. One caveat: she’s going solo. Any sweethearts will have to be found on site.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Hollie hopes to find her beloved otters in the wilds of the Great White North, but instead she’s providing comic relief for staff and guests alike. Even Concierge Ryan, a former NHL star with bad knees and broken dreams, can’t stop her from stumbling from one (mis)adventure to another. Just when Hollie starts to think that a change of venue doesn’t mean a change in circumstances, the island works its charm and she starts to think she might have found the rejuvenation she so desperately desires. But then an uninvited guest crashes the party, forcing her to step out of the discomfort zone where she dwells and save the day … and maybe even herself in the process.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm1-dUybMfX7jIA-K321xDgCvPNUxFVHXZdbaFcseNwthDphzFShRpNsNluIE3DtOIaEFgJyGx07CJvxLw8LX2kaLz4RFkzC5KDFei40v0zO9mptrQt3GnhdxjXfqi6HhGDPFhhJ5sjd8/s1600/bigstock-cartoon-oyster-31045352+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm1-dUybMfX7jIA-K321xDgCvPNUxFVHXZdbaFcseNwthDphzFShRpNsNluIE3DtOIaEFgJyGx07CJvxLw8LX2kaLz4RFkzC5KDFei40v0zO9mptrQt3GnhdxjXfqi6HhGDPFhhJ5sjd8/s320/bigstock-cartoon-oyster-31045352+copy.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">THIS IS SO COOL, RIGHT?</span></span></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I know! I'm sorta freaking out myself! <i>Otters</i> will be available way sooner than I ever imagined, as in THIRTEEN DAYS from now -- O.M.G.! When the marketing people said I could make it available, like, in 2013, I had to ask them to repeat themselves. "Really? We can do that?"</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It will be available from West 26th Street Press, a new imprint from Writers House (the agency who reps me), starting with </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>preorders Amazon and iBookstore on October 22, </b></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>and for sale at all major distributors on October 29.</b></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">A paperback version will be available in November. Eliza and I will be sure to post links accordingly so those who like to have books made out of paper (like me ... er, and Eliza ... dude, this is getting weird now ...) can place their magical order.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>What can I do in the meantime, Jenn/Eliza, while I wait the thirteen days for this mighty morsel of madness to come available?</b></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Start here: </span> </b> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You can <a href="https://www.facebook.com/eliza.gordon.52" target="_blank">like Eliza's Facebook</a> page. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You can <a href="https://twitter.com/eliza_gordon" target="_blank">follow Eliza on Twitter</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You can visit <a href="http://elizagordon.com/">ElizaGordon.com</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You can sign up for a review copy with the handy-dandy review form found via <a href="http://onceuponeliza.wordpress.com/must-love-otters/" target="_blank">this page</a>. Scroll down to the words "Very Fancy Google Form," answer a few questions, and poof!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Note: I totally know this is short notice to ask for reviews, so I'm absolutely NOT requesting that you post a review on the 29th. That's just silly. I know you kids have lives and editorial calendars. An estimated date you might have availability would be so appreciated!</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>And there will be e-books only this time around. Mailing paperback books from Canada? 'Tis insanely pricey.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Finally, feel free to send your favorite recipes (we can feature them on Eliza's blog!) because I am going to require A LOT OF COOKIES in the next little while. House Elf, get on that, would you?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Yay! Books! I heart your faces for stopping in for a chat. You brought whisky, right?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Xs and Os, lovelies ...</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-1520074942378010252013-10-12T12:57:00.002-07:002013-10-12T12:57:31.642-07:00Friday Funnies ... on Saturday<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I MISSED FRIDAY FUNNIES!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Yesterday was ridiculous in the Busy Department, so I forgot to stop and giggle. I am AGAIN cleaning the house this day--Saturday, otherwise known as the Stupid Day When We Clean the Stupid House But Be Glad You HAVE a House Because It Could Be Worse. (Mommy Voldemort is always in my head. MAKE HER STOP.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You know the saying, "I cried because I had no shoes until I met the man who had no feet"? WELL, I have an answer to that: "I cried because I had no shoes until I met the man who had no feet AND he had shoes, nice ones, so I bonked him over the head and stole his shoes because, hell, he wasn't gonna need 'em."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Dude, I so wouldn't do that. BUT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS when I have to vacuum. My brain gets really, <i>really </i>mad, and then it starts thinking dark thoughts, like, what if I *didn't* move the couches to suck up the dust bunnies, or what if I *didn't* vacuum under the beds this week ... WOULD ANYONE KNOW? Probably. It's like wearing ugly underwear with that stretched-out maternity bra you really should get rid of because you haven't nursed a baby in at least eight years and finding yourself unconscious in the laundry soap/cleaning aisle because some jerkoff who's pissed that his store isn't allowed to go union "accidentally" mixed ammonia and bleach so now half the store is convulsing, and on the way down to kiss the dirty tile floor, you smacked your head on the shelf holding Liquid PlumR and now you're unconscious so long that you don't even see that STUD of an EMT leaning over you saying, "Miss? Miss?" (even though he's probably saying, "Ma'am? Ma'am?") and when you FINALLY get to the hospital and wake up to the sound of the guy next to you vomiting and reeking of Sterno, your clothes are GONE and you realize that they have seen your Saturday granny-panties and that stretched out nursing bra.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I really need to go bra shopping.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">ANYWAY, here are some things that struck my fancy this week. (Just don't tell Mommy Voldemort that I'm not vacuuming under the beds. SHE IS SO MEAN.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Last week, I TOTALLY FORGOT to share the latest installment--season two, episode two--from Convos with My 2-Year-Old (although Coco turned three, so yeah ... now I'm just confused ... STILL AWESOME, though!).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/57fajW-lJ38?list=UUs8CluusAzfON2gMmOuohsA" width="560"></iframe></span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">From <a href="https://www.facebook.com/thinkgeek" target="_blank">ThinkGeek on Facebook</a>: They shared this image--but Helm's Deep is only the beginning. Check out this guy's <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/68794378@N07#f" target="_blank">Flickr feed</a> for more!</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLHWSKAZLuewWvxmBwtbQ181mo_CkDMQo0D0dDtpGmlM4fMIb1jJr9h7lmiimrmGYDNzJnNgU0RJaZke9VlfmSr68pq_ywMTKy2k2QPRukcv1xAUUqAV3kA1EjwgUf8zS8K60RxBylOP0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-12+at+12.20.56+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLHWSKAZLuewWvxmBwtbQ181mo_CkDMQo0D0dDtpGmlM4fMIb1jJr9h7lmiimrmGYDNzJnNgU0RJaZke9VlfmSr68pq_ywMTKy2k2QPRukcv1xAUUqAV3kA1EjwgUf8zS8K60RxBylOP0/s640/Screen+Shot+2013-10-12+at+12.20.56+PM.png" width="572" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Have I mentioned in the last hour HOW MUCH I LOVE LORD OF THE RINGS? Oh. Right. I did.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">*****</span> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">If you know me at all, you know I sort of have a thing for William Shakespeare. Especially when he was rude. Buzzfeed offered us THIS this week: <b><a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/lukelewis/shakespearean-insults-to-use-in-everyday-life" target="_blank">17 Shakespearean Insults to Use in Everyday Life</a>.</b> Take <i>that</i>, butter face.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS_zZwovYQPO8kvuePxWq4JwYrtiaukkA4JvH-wzFm9hAHahcW-7UnPvXSEb1LMzjARAJfyKnFZmxC5cb1FuPWgGOR_3B8QdKW_H3LVyyRYrf0uphiunwQVMefWETMbHgAreGkaLep1i8/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-12+at+12.40.23+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS_zZwovYQPO8kvuePxWq4JwYrtiaukkA4JvH-wzFm9hAHahcW-7UnPvXSEb1LMzjARAJfyKnFZmxC5cb1FuPWgGOR_3B8QdKW_H3LVyyRYrf0uphiunwQVMefWETMbHgAreGkaLep1i8/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-12+at+12.40.23+PM.png" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I chose the <i>Titus</i> quote. OF COURSE I did. Pie, anyone?</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">*****</span> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> SPEAKING OF CATS, it's hockey season!!!! Nuit is an avid Canucks fan. She is our orcat. (Get it? Orca + cat? I KNOW SO CLEVER RIGHT??? That joke is not original. I stole it. *hangs head*)</span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXbx5c2FNDWxXuNB2oEGgoxTr7eidkadfFfYKOKn2-EnhseuPccVOLTAi_mOWC8uqY38oWHxhgJdRAWJB4Jcqf8zR5-TLFsSDMS_Mt2zaGuEkWPv91Y4iLEAi714uDYU5KNuR3wnHchjc/s1600/Five+minutes+for+fighting+10.08.13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXbx5c2FNDWxXuNB2oEGgoxTr7eidkadfFfYKOKn2-EnhseuPccVOLTAi_mOWC8uqY38oWHxhgJdRAWJB4Jcqf8zR5-TLFsSDMS_Mt2zaGuEkWPv91Y4iLEAi714uDYU5KNuR3wnHchjc/s640/Five+minutes+for+fighting+10.08.13.jpg" width="468" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Like HELL I hooked him! That was a clean hit! *drops gloves*</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3ZWpJwUji_3YiO2sOOuENBCaarLFzUcEvAGk5B_SpYYkf9UiVMq5sX6EsI914PWp5zEGV03YVUXxmwAMgw_Nsb0TzccMA9zZOW2nPP6GQrHMXSFopj88HIYUrcby_Bs1Vho_LHYICx0I/s1600/Smug+Nuit+is+smug+10.08.13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3ZWpJwUji_3YiO2sOOuENBCaarLFzUcEvAGk5B_SpYYkf9UiVMq5sX6EsI914PWp5zEGV03YVUXxmwAMgw_Nsb0TzccMA9zZOW2nPP6GQrHMXSFopj88HIYUrcby_Bs1Vho_LHYICx0I/s640/Smug+Nuit+is+smug+10.08.13.jpg" width="424" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Smug Nuit is smug.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">*****</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And just because I friggin' love Portland ... I give you, The Unicycling Bagpipe-Playing Darth Vader. Keep Portland Weird! Video <a href="http://www.wimp.com/unicyclingbagpipes/" target="_blank">HERE via Wimp.com</a>.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgb7daz0o4zrTlvcP3eASDacoFXdA8kLZTILWeRTkXCs07ooHVNNioEa6dS8yEz2uXYoqD6kcc3W-SeZbmgYux765o4I0LL5TLK5HWIbv8ES_-zJfh6BLKhBdjyiXk9n36-moaK5I3iLo/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-12+at+12.43.26+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgb7daz0o4zrTlvcP3eASDacoFXdA8kLZTILWeRTkXCs07ooHVNNioEa6dS8yEz2uXYoqD6kcc3W-SeZbmgYux765o4I0LL5TLK5HWIbv8ES_-zJfh6BLKhBdjyiXk9n36-moaK5I3iLo/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-12+at+12.43.26+PM.png" width="397" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Find the Unipiper: <a href="http://theunipiper.com/">http://theunipiper.com/</a>.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">*****</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">*****</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">*****</span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">*****</span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">*****</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO MY CANADIAN COMRADES!!!</b></span> </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjXoxokdd4Gnf9PS-pgzVLqAYrMHS0X5dy343qE7GXQ8DYXgBdzqwtagYkECAEnbkjCaKYsbqcnj7lGydPrGoaANPDJ8KclGHJdaQQSh6mQSl02f5foHTbYnwPzNckL7vMFEyns0CU2DY/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-12+at+12.51.12+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjXoxokdd4Gnf9PS-pgzVLqAYrMHS0X5dy343qE7GXQ8DYXgBdzqwtagYkECAEnbkjCaKYsbqcnj7lGydPrGoaANPDJ8KclGHJdaQQSh6mQSl02f5foHTbYnwPzNckL7vMFEyns0CU2DY/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-10-12+at+12.51.12+PM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Yes, Canada has Thanksgiving. On a Monday. I know, it's weird. But Canada celebrated T'giving 43 years before America did, so there's that.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Xs and Os, lovelies ... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">P.S. If you haven't liked <a href="http://www.elizagordon.com/" target="_blank">Eliza Gordon</a> ^^^^^^^^ up there in the sidebar (see the Facebook LIKE button?), go liketh her. She is me. I am her. We are one. Actually, we are two, but WHATEVER. Book news coming next week. ;)</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-33543211494355886872013-09-27T14:00:00.000-07:002013-09-27T14:00:15.055-07:00Aaaaaand That's a Wrap ... Friday Funnies<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Another week has marched away, which means we are one week closer to The End. Which is totally depressing. So let us not think about wasted moments, ill-spent seconds, bad decisions in cupcakes. Instead, let's giggle.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This week's funnies that caught me by the giggle gizzard:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Convos with My 2-Year-Old has started season 2!!! </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/5_0WE0uGWkc?list=UUs8CluusAzfON2gMmOuohsA" width="560"></iframe></span></span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> *******</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This one's pretty true, although some of my friends are terrible spellers (ahem, Husband, ahem) and I haven't disowned them yet:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQfyglJloxj7GJoULbMBpwJpQ2LHVGFZAYVc6EnY4AT6FA07NjSwpQtLpWexIkOlwOKAiGF0T_ctRcN1JbTtplJw589-MEGc5dMNQvhojJyQafx0Z5BKnuvWgnNVc1I2266rSBpBODRgs/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-09-27+at+12.56.27+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQfyglJloxj7GJoULbMBpwJpQ2LHVGFZAYVc6EnY4AT6FA07NjSwpQtLpWexIkOlwOKAiGF0T_ctRcN1JbTtplJw589-MEGc5dMNQvhojJyQafx0Z5BKnuvWgnNVc1I2266rSBpBODRgs/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-09-27+at+12.56.27+PM.png" width="400" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I went to Walmart last night (don't judge--I'm not proud, but in a Canadian economy where we're paying nearly $6 a gallon for gas, I gotta do what I gotta do). In the local WallyWorld, we have a medical clinic. I've only had the unfortunate occasion to go there once--my daughter works at a bear-building store where grabby children with pink-eye-infected fingers often show up, so Pretty Princess picked up the pinking of the eye. We had to get it treated. On a Sunday. WallyWorld's esteemed medical clinic was the only joint in town that hadn't met its "quota" for the day (I'm totally serious). HENCE we went there. And were "greeted" by the doctor's warring teenage daughters who were also doubling as his front-office staff. It was worrisome.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So imagine my surprise last night when I went to Walmart, only because it was close to the new, pleasantly vacant Starbucks and we were on our monthly "date night" where we spend $11 on coffee and talk about our children away from the house so they can't hear us, and we saw THIS SIGN on the medical clinic window:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTahDxN_dRNafUFc6eG9SNxARMSLzqQYHKMt4_tjfDN3sF4H8eMdgm_u82mpW7NDQpGoHOmvZQos1OQ9unuqaJSZ39ns0HFKQ7IacdzXHQqCuEwRIRmbgEXGBuSIkX1tXm8OYCD-hiC_U/s1600/Gyno+sign+Walmart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTahDxN_dRNafUFc6eG9SNxARMSLzqQYHKMt4_tjfDN3sF4H8eMdgm_u82mpW7NDQpGoHOmvZQos1OQ9unuqaJSZ39ns0HFKQ7IacdzXHQqCuEwRIRmbgEXGBuSIkX1tXm8OYCD-hiC_U/s400/Gyno+sign+Walmart.jpg" width="310" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Yes, ladies, you can now get your Pap smears at Walmart. That's what I call one-stop shopping. "ROLLBACK ON PAP SMEARS! $19.88!"</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">These next things aren't necessarily funny. Mostly just awesome.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I would so fly on this plane:</span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCSf123efujSImUVB7nk0Ds-dvgHr4rmeJKx1oBc4YB9sL6Rsx5Dz0dInUdnKetOHFuECYt4KfVX_o-M8B5vhHwgmgTAEtisWhFdzuUFui0F-pnVY99qAIU2AfSDn1pHgqHqHuDVvVOZA/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-09-24+at+11.07.37+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCSf123efujSImUVB7nk0Ds-dvgHr4rmeJKx1oBc4YB9sL6Rsx5Dz0dInUdnKetOHFuECYt4KfVX_o-M8B5vhHwgmgTAEtisWhFdzuUFui0F-pnVY99qAIU2AfSDn1pHgqHqHuDVvVOZA/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-09-24+at+11.07.37+AM.png" width="400" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Why, yes, Thorin Oakenshield, I am interested in talking to you about a sword.</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In case you need more Richard Armitage, here (do NOT tell Mark Strong I posted this picture--jealousy is so ugly):</span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO8_AnOesontFYKELp9SLLSMj5TB6JenjdYHKa0D9ERvJIHIBGQp9l7uPCM2NdmUu9uz_jG7KWEP4BXr5wWSqxP6wPY3l-q6Dw-w5st8KkxMXHizqVHKLnOCqP1hsCfPqxmMsFy5VAy2A/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-09-27+at+1.24.51+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO8_AnOesontFYKELp9SLLSMj5TB6JenjdYHKa0D9ERvJIHIBGQp9l7uPCM2NdmUu9uz_jG7KWEP4BXr5wWSqxP6wPY3l-q6Dw-w5st8KkxMXHizqVHKLnOCqP1hsCfPqxmMsFy5VAy2A/s640/Screen+Shot+2013-09-27+at+1.24.51+PM.png" width="435" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Thanks, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/TheAnglophileChannel" target="_blank">Anglophile Channel</a>, for the pho-to.</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />AND DID YOU HEAR ABOUT PAKISTAN'S NEW ISLAND? They had a ginormous earthquake this week (7.7 reportedly), and an island PLOPPED to the surface. Wondering how long before someone calls dibs. <a href="http://io9.com/7-7-magnitude-quake-in-pakistan-just-created-a-new-isla-1377964003" target="_blank">Full article here on io9</a> (amazing site, BTW):</span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In case you missed it, they've added a red circle to draw your attention appropriately.</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />Someone floated these in the FB feed, and I WANTS THEM, PRECIOUS. Private message me and I'll send you my address. Thanks, <a href="http://www.theliterarygiftcompany.com/grammar-grumble-mugs---set-of-all-6-14140-p.asp" target="_blank">Literary Gift Company</a>!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Lastly, the rain has arrived in British Columbia. We had a good run. I ordered some new boots. It is time to succumb and tuck in for the Long Dark. Which is fine. Sun just makes me feel guilty that my garden looks like zombies nap in it.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsTSngWLfuICt0rstMam835-Qved_WiphRo6JaJfOHrVdd3m9eW3eC_WVoeTXTfLjlAh_g0ww6kyVuJEyW02VFiChE-OquqK_6-JNHeRCaMZJaTsaVEYpTI8zlyd7K-e2Yvswf7QMwRm4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-09-27+at+1.25.09+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsTSngWLfuICt0rstMam835-Qved_WiphRo6JaJfOHrVdd3m9eW3eC_WVoeTXTfLjlAh_g0ww6kyVuJEyW02VFiChE-OquqK_6-JNHeRCaMZJaTsaVEYpTI8zlyd7K-e2Yvswf7QMwRm4/s640/Screen+Shot+2013-09-27+at+1.25.09+PM.png" width="486" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Xs and Os, lovelies ... </span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-73097732922003377912013-09-19T14:12:00.000-07:002013-09-19T14:19:02.046-07:00With Respect to the Day of My Hallowed Birth<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When it's <i>your </i>birthday, I hope someone special does something like THIS for you. Because for this year's Big Day of Marking How Bloody Old I'm Getting, the amazing humanoids in my house woke me with hot coffee and PRESENTS.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Here we go.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIiHkRv5g_3tlJhYnFB7fq2WKcFSRbbriUbZSk1aQ-ZuXlXphBlhWN9urV9V7gdtcL5ZlbX3e47UBS5DDX3ENlQaA27pzgEM6Oy6DT-2WqFKIoDEOm4EgYaH2wAkhNna94lh5fezKoFgs/s1600/Brennan+bday+card+for+Mom+091913.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="393" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIiHkRv5g_3tlJhYnFB7fq2WKcFSRbbriUbZSk1aQ-ZuXlXphBlhWN9urV9V7gdtcL5ZlbX3e47UBS5DDX3ENlQaA27pzgEM6Oy6DT-2WqFKIoDEOm4EgYaH2wAkhNna94lh5fezKoFgs/s400/Brennan+bday+card+for+Mom+091913.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">GIVE US THE CUPCAKE.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This card also informs me that I am the "greatest person in the universe as a hero and a mom." Just so you know. You can stop trying so hard now. Go ahead. Be a slacker. The role of #1 Human has clearly been filled.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The baby came into me the other day, feeling creatively vexed about what to do for my birthday, so I gave him this:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5ZaGVclTtC8k5dO8ISeR8Y9jRGLAu2-dpwJ4-oarg9-ukt_Y8NmEVv9Mf7s3er5OqP-Cf6QTubFdtuso2cH35DVCXqEprRkH47TD-OzOH_tCKmZkQPPtKRPb-rjpFT3ODVJ-VihRuCMc/s1600/Kendon+comic+seed+list.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5ZaGVclTtC8k5dO8ISeR8Y9jRGLAu2-dpwJ4-oarg9-ukt_Y8NmEVv9Mf7s3er5OqP-Cf6QTubFdtuso2cH35DVCXqEprRkH47TD-OzOH_tCKmZkQPPtKRPb-rjpFT3ODVJ-VihRuCMc/s320/Kendon+comic+seed+list.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">What I call a seed list. A few words to get the ideas flowing. THIS was the result:</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix3WAbBTybMuccwmJSLMOwDnOCtBHKYkfKItL58M-Y9AYDsyoN-ls0cV1T7BsionXFVL0TnWzUuj2ffASHpa5w0fNEdK3IQIC3M4iozUKf2krIMrzuYZoBBcixcMRnp8U6XMEmp60cVIY/s1600/Kendon+comic+091913.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="328" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix3WAbBTybMuccwmJSLMOwDnOCtBHKYkfKItL58M-Y9AYDsyoN-ls0cV1T7BsionXFVL0TnWzUuj2ffASHpa5w0fNEdK3IQIC3M4iozUKf2krIMrzuYZoBBcixcMRnp8U6XMEmp60cVIY/s400/Kendon+comic+091913.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You may have to click it to see it better. Does that work?</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">If you <i>can't</i> see it, he's incorporated everything from the list into this comic except the otter, plus he added scissors and a piece of paper to complete the rock's storyline. The magical jellybeans have LEGS. Omigod. These kids? MAGICAL MAGIC.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Pretty Princess, not to be outdone by her pesky little brothers, presented a Sephora gift card, which is quite decadent for my drug-store-makeup-department palate, but I am twitterpated to go spend $75 on a powder compact. BRING IT. I will be very fancy soon. Oh, and allegedly, there will be sushi at some point today. She also did a lovely collage of wonderful moments from my momentous life, but it's kinda depressing because I was really cute and skinny, like, 10 years ago. Has anyone seen my collarbones?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My darling writer friend/walking buddy/shoulder to cry on knocked on the door with FRESH STILL-WARM-FROM-THE-OVEN CAKE. Seriously? I KNOW! And when she called to see if I'd tried it yet, I was all like, <i>no it's morning I can't eat cake</i>, and she was all like, <i>yes you can it's your birthday you can eat morning cake</i>, SO I DID. And it was delicious, yo. Only I forgot to take a picture and now there's a big gaping hole in the cake where my face might have gnawed out a sizable chunk.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And, while whining the other day about the age I have achieved this year, my super-big-brained, Mental-Floss-writing, Editorial Colleague of Genius and Doom reminded me that I am That Number, the one that is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Here's proof:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiutfR4l33tbbJ4qfd5ycQmq96WD1IV0Swyr28RJR0KK7Tt0OS9Cwtaaw8froI8UgkcahNMHMZR8T6d4cKZUAl2EhpMmN_sacsCCD7t-BsGUFz6Mhfh010gB0WkQCHGZ6FfRJazy4hMow0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-09-19+at+11.38.50+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="261" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiutfR4l33tbbJ4qfd5ycQmq96WD1IV0Swyr28RJR0KK7Tt0OS9Cwtaaw8froI8UgkcahNMHMZR8T6d4cKZUAl2EhpMmN_sacsCCD7t-BsGUFz6Mhfh010gB0WkQCHGZ6FfRJazy4hMow0/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-09-19+at+11.38.50+AM.png" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Seriously. Google the number 42, and see what comes up. Douglas Adams, we bow. (And thanks, Adrienne. I'm sorry I'm so late for the party.) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/aboZctrHfK8?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">September the 19th is also shared by famed writer William Golding (<i>Lord of the Flies</i>),
the original Batman (Adam West), Hermione Granger (!!!), James Lipton,
Jeremy Irons, Jimmy Fallon, supermodel Twiggy, Canadian heartthrob Kevin
Zegers, actor David McCallum, musicians Tegan and Sara, and a bazillion other people.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">SO, happy birthday to all my birthday twins, ESPECIALLY my lovely London Sarah across the pond. THIS is what my Sarah gave me:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpRuKYB2Gz6cw_8iFsMMAW3M-Hlpt2HHjeCiHr39HwgwBzCeD8yql8gm176uPTEQrVhd-u7M4oRSvKKiwRmSRPSqFXHpAO1pAe8ODIVQ9tm9LnfP73KKMZaXk_FxnpyCqzu_wCXN7kohw/s1600/Birthday+from+London+Sarah+2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpRuKYB2Gz6cw_8iFsMMAW3M-Hlpt2HHjeCiHr39HwgwBzCeD8yql8gm176uPTEQrVhd-u7M4oRSvKKiwRmSRPSqFXHpAO1pAe8ODIVQ9tm9LnfP73KKMZaXk_FxnpyCqzu_wCXN7kohw/s400/Birthday+from+London+Sarah+2013.jpg" width="293" /></a></div>
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<b>AND THIS:</b> </div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtcDEJsyisvGSw0En2zn-Rt5c6eA7HKKUFoLjBV4FcnOf3EX06UY5OZndSJc85I3Tm6buehFlEpKbuNus7liZ2A8luLdWcnTs4adofXRLFbUxUiJK3Sba0mi3ARdaWeXvyT3deA1pCkMQ/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-09-19+at+12.01.20+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtcDEJsyisvGSw0En2zn-Rt5c6eA7HKKUFoLjBV4FcnOf3EX06UY5OZndSJc85I3Tm6buehFlEpKbuNus7liZ2A8luLdWcnTs4adofXRLFbUxUiJK3Sba0mi3ARdaWeXvyT3deA1pCkMQ/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-09-19+at+12.01.20+PM.png" width="398" /></a> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Because no post on Planet Jenn would be complete without Mark Strong and a cat picture. (Mr. Strong, I am not a stalker. I swear. Well, maybe a little stalker. Tiny stalker. Only not so tiny because I am eating cake in the morning. I PROMISE NOT TO BOIL YOUR RABBITS.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I mentioned cats. Hence, I give you Naughty Nuit, just because I'm feeling generous:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJuV3nN7VXE05uGMygf53pZI6yWoMTC-NdGwlt-OvT3rlYVL5ydif3tIcvlcuRBEwQhKL8NdGdXfuIjkCo2XmuNhJakvqRZaIvsxvSBN0tpM7q5gZqH3cqgL5vTYWmNeB3hTs_HiscWeA/s1600/Daily+Nuit+091913.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJuV3nN7VXE05uGMygf53pZI6yWoMTC-NdGwlt-OvT3rlYVL5ydif3tIcvlcuRBEwQhKL8NdGdXfuIjkCo2XmuNhJakvqRZaIvsxvSBN0tpM7q5gZqH3cqgL5vTYWmNeB3hTs_HiscWeA/s640/Daily+Nuit+091913.jpg" width="424" /> </a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And to close out the week, because tomorrow I have children home from school and thus no thoughts will be strung together without 147.5 interruptions, I give you this. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><a href="http://dontpkethebear.com/uncategorized/27-reasons-why-parents-shouldnt-be-allowed-to-text/" target="_blank">GO AND READ AND PEE FROM LAUGHING</a>. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Here--first pull on this lovely Depends undergarment--I got a whole box for my birthday.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCqmuR7tuvzu7N2JOnVmU7Vp6Flr4XhyY_dueV6ico3ZkOgGrXfrHaqjCNuIdgoEuqiyJyOt248N5hh1nG6EAnphfgm-eFZCgT2UPDyvOdg5DxyiwptAp_hxDOVf8fh7xcrjZCdk-4V28/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-09-19+at+11.48.08+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCqmuR7tuvzu7N2JOnVmU7Vp6Flr4XhyY_dueV6ico3ZkOgGrXfrHaqjCNuIdgoEuqiyJyOt248N5hh1nG6EAnphfgm-eFZCgT2UPDyvOdg5DxyiwptAp_hxDOVf8fh7xcrjZCdk-4V28/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-09-19+at+11.48.08+AM.png" width="297" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Xs and Os, lovelies ...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjei-ZffI4Kt8BVlpSUQLj0tQcahL8DKSCrpWmkBLo1dDBQdz30Kk2cMDdNO9fIeNCaUf8R-wGbqr6zDxuK0eOIybsU3DCOPnnRjoA5_PcAisnEqV9gwwV7RssBr1kdvDN9e8HgVcG4q70/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-09-19+at+1.18.36+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="330" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjei-ZffI4Kt8BVlpSUQLj0tQcahL8DKSCrpWmkBLo1dDBQdz30Kk2cMDdNO9fIeNCaUf8R-wGbqr6zDxuK0eOIybsU3DCOPnnRjoA5_PcAisnEqV9gwwV7RssBr1kdvDN9e8HgVcG4q70/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-09-19+at+1.18.36+PM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Proof that I do yardwork.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-78068779345549103752013-09-09T07:00:00.000-07:002013-09-09T07:52:03.680-07:00New School Year Challenge: Best Teacher Notes EVER<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">New school year, new teacher. One among this year's lot has requested a note from parents, "in a million words or fewer," to tell her about our little darlings.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>CHALLENGE ACCEPTED</b>. (Someone should warn her. About the notes I write. And that I will likely blog about it because I laugh the loudest at <i>myself</i>. Usually because I am alone and no one is here to laugh at/with me. The cat <i>does</i> spend a lot of time staring nervously in my direction, however ...)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This was the opening act for the note sent to the 4th grade teacher this day.<i> </i>Because I'm nothing if not diligent about doing my homework (with a few modifications to make it appropriate for this viewing audience).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Dear New Lovely Teacher:</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Thank you for taking on the job of educating the next generation. My youngest child is delightful in many ways, but these quick facts may help you better understand your position in his life.</span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">KG’s
hands are registered lethal weapons in the following provinces and states:
British Columbia, Oregon, California, Arkansas, Maine, Nova Scotia, Yukon, and
Newfoundland and Labrador. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">KG’s
curls are registered and insured by Lloyd’s of London for an undisclosed
multimillion-dollar policy.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">KG
was the first child in Canada to be conceived in a lab with a compilation of
plutonium and Unobtainium (from the planet Pandora).</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">KG’s
number-one hit single, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alex the Seal</i>,
ranked #3 on the New Zealand billboard charts on his 7<sup>th</sup> birthday.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">KG
invented the Internet.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When
KG was born, he was humming Rachmaninov’s 3<sup>rd</sup> Symphony, Opus 30, in
D Minor. The doctor was dumbfounded.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">KG
speaks fluent Shakespeare and is a shareholder of the (new) Globe Theatre in
London.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">KG
was an uncredited writer on the Academy Award-winning film <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Argo</i>, alongside Ben Affleck and Grant Heslov (producer). They would
meet up for writing sessions at Jerry’s Deli in Studio City, California, after
playdates. KG never ate the pickles.</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd2FsfFwribCR71eCr5JZ0NzS4pJaU_kV9Uoc_qEP7ALSyTTw67UAYxUh6MbT0pvaUo76amPJ7SPtCw72hJUeqDCLqo6nNARj7hU-CuL6RT9bygZaWWTWQ-kV7BaoB6C_7lsH76a2rJ10/s1600/_DSC7605+-+Version+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="323" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd2FsfFwribCR71eCr5JZ0NzS4pJaU_kV9Uoc_qEP7ALSyTTw67UAYxUh6MbT0pvaUo76amPJ7SPtCw72hJUeqDCLqo6nNARj7hU-CuL6RT9bygZaWWTWQ-kV7BaoB6C_7lsH76a2rJ10/s400/_DSC7605+-+Version+2.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Poor teacher. She didn't know she signed up for this when she signed up for my kid.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">* * *</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So, you're shaking your head right now, wondering if I am really this obnoxious all the time. (Pretty much.) And you're wondering if maybe you should Google the school's address so you can send flowers to this new teacher because she's going to be stuck with me all year. HEY. IT'S NOT THAT BAD. I'm just trying to inject some levity into the "Please excuse Johnny for his tardiness this morning." Really, Johnny's mom? That's the best you could do? Sorry, but you suck at being awesome. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So here is my challenge to YOU: When you write notes to your kid's/kids' teacher(s), <b> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>UP THE ANTE</b>. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Make 'em giggle. Make 'em smile. They are <i>not</i> in education because of the cool cash. We all know that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Here are a few samples to get you going (these are examples from last year's crop):</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>For tardiness:</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
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div.WordSection1 </style><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Please forgive ___________’s tardy today. I, the mom, overslept
both of my alarms because I have issues with mornings, and today, the morning
won. My humblest apologies. Please don’t send my beautiful child to the dungeon with the
dragons and spiders. Reserve such punishment for me. (Omigod, I hate spiders.
Maybe no spiders?)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>For absence:</b> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Dear Teacher: Please forgive ___________'s absence yesterday. We were chasing unicorns to collect tears for our time machine, and we lost track of the moon. Then we stopped at Subway and met a Leprechaun, and he just had to tell us about his pot of gold and the politics going on within his little world. And then the sandwich artist gave us peppers on our sandwiches! What a strange, sad little sandwich artist.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>For a P.E. excuse:</b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Please excuse __________________ from P.E. today. He’s been out sick X days this week, and if he runs around and gets all crazy during physical
education class, he will start to cough and that could lead to more disgusting
things (vomit). Perhaps send him to the library or if the school has a
meditation room, send him there. (Meditation is good for us. That’s what my
therapist says.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>For any generic reason you need to apologize to the teacher:</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Please excuse ____________'s really big screw-up. [INSERT PROBLEM YOU SEEK FORGIVENESS FOR HERE.] You see, it's a long story. First, my darling child was born 11 days late, and things progressed from there in terms of chronic tardiness. When we sat down to do this assignment, we really did think that Wikipedia was a reliable news source. Who knew that Tesla was <i>not</i> the name of the International Space Station but rather a famous rodeo clown? Seriously! If it's any consolation, we do have a cousin who is a NASA astronaut and he totally piloted the Space Shuttle in 2010 (Google him--his name is James "Mash" Dutton*). Given this information, it is obvious that Super Amazing Genius runs in the family, and if we could therefore have a few more days to finish this assignment properly, we can prove to you that _____________ is capable of greatness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(*This is completely true. Astronaut Dutton is my cousin. I haven't seen him since before puberty, but <i>still</i> ... cousins.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqeJbsNi0i_Qlf6ZOCNMkpx8vqFNhDPsYxD6iTDuV3-RxAO93annmI7i5WLMWUAyka6PubYWTg1snT2_TGBxBCOjMKYaYBMiOnahNUAJ5f3DCrH04ZiCCVaanAloDnU6Gt2dMtx8EF_bQ/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-09-08+at+10.43.02+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqeJbsNi0i_Qlf6ZOCNMkpx8vqFNhDPsYxD6iTDuV3-RxAO93annmI7i5WLMWUAyka6PubYWTg1snT2_TGBxBCOjMKYaYBMiOnahNUAJ5f3DCrH04ZiCCVaanAloDnU6Gt2dMtx8EF_bQ/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-09-08+at+10.43.02+PM.png" width="318" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I am not even bullshitting you. Hey, Cuz ... Is it wrong to admit here that when I was three, I was totally in love with this lad and his brother? I was. Which is creepy. Because we're related. But I was three. And clearly I had excellent taste. Even if it was warped and weird because we were cousins. By blood.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The gauntlet has been thrown down. What can you do to brighten your child's teacher's day and/or torment the hell out of them and make them wish you would move out of county? Remember, BE NICE. No one likes an ass****. POST your teacher notes in the COMMENTS section below. There might be prizes involved. Off the record, of course.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Xs and Os ... and <i><b>HAPPY NEW SCHOOL YEAR!</b></i></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCyV1EacTk2pgTTnmUzWVeom_fXl7a6NDYFJs-yO56vPls-NMKQaowu0qdV2uYpKXYa0mrV_qwYC8Sb3T4Db_N5VZlce8UDHNBVG93ON_jt-CtE-LO3KHLKMN_DnGw0aCz104e-AWnfxw/s1600/_DSC2058.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCyV1EacTk2pgTTnmUzWVeom_fXl7a6NDYFJs-yO56vPls-NMKQaowu0qdV2uYpKXYa0mrV_qwYC8Sb3T4Db_N5VZlce8UDHNBVG93ON_jt-CtE-LO3KHLKMN_DnGw0aCz104e-AWnfxw/s320/_DSC2058.jpg" width="264" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Stereotypical apple. For school.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b> </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-44146575636656170522013-08-31T14:48:00.000-07:002013-08-31T14:48:27.407-07:00The Summer of Tasks ... and Critters<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And so it begins.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A new school year is imminent. It's coming. Depending on your geographic spot on Third Rock, some of you have already embarked upon this annual ritual (and yes, others of you homeschool your minions so "education never sleeps" and we know your kids are smarter and better adjusted than ours and they don't cuss or play Call of Duty or make snarky comments about that one kid in the back of the class who eats paste and boogers YES I KNOW). With this restart of institutionalized sanity for the Mom Class comes the inevitable questions:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>How was your summer? Did you go anywhere?</i></span></b></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I hate these questions. I really do. I hate it when my kids come home and talk about their classmates who spent a month in the French Riviera studying local flora and fauna or a month traveling all over the country in a Winnebago to better understand their heritage or a week in Mexico diving with venomous sea creatures to build an artificial reef or two weeks saving orphaned alpacas in the Peruvian mountains or a week building shelters for neglected hyenas. YES. FINE. You left your house during these last 74 days. <i>Here's your medal</i>. Go ahead. Polish it. I'll stand here and wait. You can use the salty tears of my neglected children -- I have a vial here. Hang on while I dig it out of my Walmart sack ...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">We left the house to venture as far as the grocery store, the bookstore, the coffee shop, the local pool (twice!), the ice creamery, the park, the golf course, the movie theatre, the Museum of Anthropology, Vancouver's answer to a "zoo," and the Vancouver Aquarium/Stanley Park. (Evidence below.) </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT4rWu5way9pO75aTSBk7PcSnOIjR8MY3KVWsjSGO0OHD8XYJwpHJFoX6h4MMRhlBUMt-5nx09HjKBL-LYj-oMx0lKUBuJO2g9-i3fIobys8Fhqy3-6XEq6ZJ8yRIIuHZog2QnQz8uSGw/s1600/_DSC3499.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT4rWu5way9pO75aTSBk7PcSnOIjR8MY3KVWsjSGO0OHD8XYJwpHJFoX6h4MMRhlBUMt-5nx09HjKBL-LYj-oMx0lKUBuJO2g9-i3fIobys8Fhqy3-6XEq6ZJ8yRIIuHZog2QnQz8uSGw/s400/_DSC3499.jpg" width="387" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Mountain lion. <i>Puma concolor</i>. Greater Vancouver Zoo. She was pacing, watching the caretaker, waiting for lunch.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi82kkv89dzIYC5DPUxY2hehTS9ff66kuRlg6pmFmdup4PRXV1jITN0QMtlOvZREi7l7FTDrJxCgRFwC6U3Up6aZ_L0UehYG0LiuuIpgiAW4jbWl2jpiLOHH5TlG84GDX9gOQUGGRQwkzE/s1600/_DSC3955.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi82kkv89dzIYC5DPUxY2hehTS9ff66kuRlg6pmFmdup4PRXV1jITN0QMtlOvZREi7l7FTDrJxCgRFwC6U3Up6aZ_L0UehYG0LiuuIpgiAW4jbWl2jpiLOHH5TlG84GDX9gOQUGGRQwkzE/s640/_DSC3955.jpg" width="424" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jellies. No peanut butter anywhere.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi3yXDXhHVeAkG-GuhaX6MDEd-7WWcu6DJuGCOCRQkjo3TOLoPa9Hk9ExmLLsWewzwt5rNIi5w73_4ZRo3qymgTI52YfgVrP5XRk8zI1ETG5Iz8KgJ1e2MBzwbZfbCbIRFcBZO6f6doCo/s1600/_DSC3890.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi3yXDXhHVeAkG-GuhaX6MDEd-7WWcu6DJuGCOCRQkjo3TOLoPa9Hk9ExmLLsWewzwt5rNIi5w73_4ZRo3qymgTI52YfgVrP5XRk8zI1ETG5Iz8KgJ1e2MBzwbZfbCbIRFcBZO6f6doCo/s400/_DSC3890.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Two-toed sloth, climbing around the sprinklers in the Amazon exhibit. VERY cute. And slow.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5Rt7vZHFn96ZFpthzPjwoaZXxV5Cq5mJtLCm4JmUTdeOjHANTfKDAmu_qSybAGPgX79TN0waJfpDqAkSYI7oyQ-2IVzcQ6CXe_3BQzccFm9zAX0N42lYeur5J8mDrhU6mVe4mc9yQPB0/s1600/_DSC3774.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5Rt7vZHFn96ZFpthzPjwoaZXxV5Cq5mJtLCm4JmUTdeOjHANTfKDAmu_qSybAGPgX79TN0waJfpDqAkSYI7oyQ-2IVzcQ6CXe_3BQzccFm9zAX0N42lYeur5J8mDrhU6mVe4mc9yQPB0/s640/_DSC3774.jpg" width="513" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">ELFIN! He's beautiful. Read more about Elfin here: http://www.vanaqua.org/experience/shows/spotlight-on-sea-otters.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4HbXjHl73aUjmzzX8C6ykmaLl5fM8jK4JzueN5cabo8TOki4d42lrotBx6KsUJilkHK27WR5eL0jw2Lm0HXebUebk2yoDbOTtsv6KRavd-79oke0EFmIAx-Zv5iieM3h1rq8u7HqeLOo/s1600/_DSC3933.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4HbXjHl73aUjmzzX8C6ykmaLl5fM8jK4JzueN5cabo8TOki4d42lrotBx6KsUJilkHK27WR5eL0jw2Lm0HXebUebk2yoDbOTtsv6KRavd-79oke0EFmIAx-Zv5iieM3h1rq8u7HqeLOo/s640/_DSC3933.jpg" width="424" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Pretty jellyfish. Quite little. Maybe the size of a small lemon?</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc0Y3d46EX1kxdleYT__qXrNL2OvQXR2nLGaEHJnRKRTyqFr1_Rt4Ynz137rrUSO9fko6iFFBeQ3Vq_XB97ReEGYORfo9awJrKruMksJr4QuBvx4cXJBJ-enMU9E4pvSA2Yp7RhzrmVwo/s1600/_DSC3834.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc0Y3d46EX1kxdleYT__qXrNL2OvQXR2nLGaEHJnRKRTyqFr1_Rt4Ynz137rrUSO9fko6iFFBeQ3Vq_XB97ReEGYORfo9awJrKruMksJr4QuBvx4cXJBJ-enMU9E4pvSA2Yp7RhzrmVwo/s400/_DSC3834.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Pissing
match ongoing. Apparently, these two sea lions had just been moved into
the same enclosure a few hours prior, so they were howling at each
other (sounds like a really long belch) about who was boss. Pretty
funny. Until it became annoying.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="408" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI35NdVNKbK0fpGstw0r0Be2pCGLBFDCC4PwnuzvDviX1eug8wEzxFXKOS0znz3QAaBUr1ZGr1hP3WSoymAxExf0pDqwoDAHJzv17CSV5hDQ3YBhcQC3ld3J2zseydvYU8h-lw_l87KKY/s640/_DSC3814.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="640" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Penguins! Quite warm for the little fellas this day.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggwbkxph0JUWLvzYQWWf6welKt9pH9m2fC0J3z484JxaD-0gO2hjA13GNmJ2drW3ZMRi0pTVPcv2WCR05HgCNo1lpEJrJYn5yBR8kBylEe3xc0un9mlVH9UZ0QWIBH_rX_2_Y1txagENc/s1600/Octopus_DSC3980.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggwbkxph0JUWLvzYQWWf6welKt9pH9m2fC0J3z484JxaD-0gO2hjA13GNmJ2drW3ZMRi0pTVPcv2WCR05HgCNo1lpEJrJYn5yBR8kBylEe3xc0un9mlVH9UZ0QWIBH_rX_2_Y1txagENc/s640/Octopus_DSC3980.jpg" width="424" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">HUG ME. (Giant Pacific octopus)</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I ask my kids, "Am I a terrible mother because I didn't take you windsurfing in the Columbia River Gorge or to sweat alongside 1.3 million other angry people at Disneyland?" Their answers, thankfully, have been, "No, Mommy, we love you. You're pretty and your voice chimes like the bells of Notre Dame. Can we get Slurpees?" Which means my kids are awesome. Not entitled little shits. Before you polish those medals I handed out earlier, ask yourself if your kids are awesome. If they are, polish away. If they're not awesome, then you might want to melt down that medal and pawn it to pay for a behavioral interventionist.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But the point here is not how awesome my kids are, or how unawesome other people's kids are. Instead, it's a wrap-up of <b>What I DID and Did NOT Do on My Summer "Vacation*,"</b> those things I set out to do, some achievements unlocked while others not, before we face the Big Dark that will lock us indoors and under protective shelters along soccer sidelines until the sun revisits in nine months' time. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(*By the way, <i>vacation</i> implies that there were days off. Maybe I should call it the<i> Summer of Tasks</i>, because I do not usually take days off. Except today. Although I should be working. I'm way more awesome than you, aren't I? Sitting here telling you how fantastic I am because I don't take days off ... mwuahhh ha ha ha. Slacker. Certain former members of my life would say, "Oh, please, let us erect a plaster statue of you in the garden." To them, I say, GET THEE SOME PLASTER AND STOP FLAPPING YOUR WINE-STAINED LIPS.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">SUMMER 2013: WHAT I DID AND DID NOT DO OVER THESE LAST 74 DAYS:</span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">1. I did <b>not</b> lose 15 lb. Instead, I gained 5. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ6_WtUUihasX5K7S3uOInckY7xrQilih8EUQ8hF-52ODi3kwxLOV9yIxh1IKDjVegsKWSLI7jdJxVf6_Szcj7Hrhhy8QeuvYfyYVu6sGbPLfA8Ci9ZxUzECVfFLihNS9R1J2oKDj3qaI/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-08-31+at+1.04.17+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ6_WtUUihasX5K7S3uOInckY7xrQilih8EUQ8hF-52ODi3kwxLOV9yIxh1IKDjVegsKWSLI7jdJxVf6_Szcj7Hrhhy8QeuvYfyYVu6sGbPLfA8Ci9ZxUzECVfFLihNS9R1J2oKDj3qaI/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-08-31+at+1.04.17+PM.png" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">2. I did finish writing another book. Under a pen name. Stay tuned.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">3. I did <b>not</b> teach my children the fundamentals of grammar as planned. #fail</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">4. I did edit eight projects for clients, including one that is floating around the <i>NYT</i> bestseller list. Congratulations, <a href="http://www.samanthayoungbooks.com/" target="_blank">Samantha Young</a>!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">5. I did <b>not</b> exchange the wrong math book for the right one. Hence, no math was done.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">6. I did take a thousand more pictures of my cat. DUH.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB8BTbMoTCEltOCraHzdf-Zhmvovk4LilHUkR0v-C7xgecR4OaHioK9kOjDikwd7ZtS6IEVOSwiNDGFENaNSbKydoBCQHOeiK7lxqEZ5bIFyLVA_zbVsOzLr7RP1mAFeWeKuBcM3c0OIE/s1600/_DSC3689.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB8BTbMoTCEltOCraHzdf-Zhmvovk4LilHUkR0v-C7xgecR4OaHioK9kOjDikwd7ZtS6IEVOSwiNDGFENaNSbKydoBCQHOeiK7lxqEZ5bIFyLVA_zbVsOzLr7RP1mAFeWeKuBcM3c0OIE/s400/_DSC3689.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pretty Nuit.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhz3zm5nSSttYIesT-MfCU9U6bBYsFIbs5SB7P_GjmkQFhQVmVzYjdKw5NheMYIt0XBr1bwTK7cQqhky3fdj2YdJWjmO6nUyjj-7yqMWOtUEERFsTObSaOvT7hq8kZBn-MIhP_FNzvlxFk/s1600/Nuit+I+believe+I+can+fly+081713.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhz3zm5nSSttYIesT-MfCU9U6bBYsFIbs5SB7P_GjmkQFhQVmVzYjdKw5NheMYIt0XBr1bwTK7cQqhky3fdj2YdJWjmO6nUyjj-7yqMWOtUEERFsTObSaOvT7hq8kZBn-MIhP_FNzvlxFk/s640/Nuit+I+believe+I+can+fly+081713.jpg" width="424" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I believe I can flyyyyyyy ...</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">7. I did <b>not</b> plant flowers in the bed of death at the front of the house. Nor did I waste water trying to keep my lawn alive. Unlike my neighbors. Seriously? LET IT DIE. It will be green the other nine months of the year. Oh, and the dandelion forest looks so pretty in the early-morning sun.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">8. I did begin exhaustive research from a completely scientific/historical standpoint about Jesus and the Romans. It's for a new book. And wow. Who knew human beings have been douchey to each other forEVER? Let's hug. ((HUG))</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">9. I did <b>not </b>watch <i>Welcome to the Punch</i> every single night. Although I wanted to.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi11bcRVjc82ETFY87SmFN5uCltwZNAr5gpP1u6eq5CZ7B9Rs8EfKu_rRP9g_A_7U0e1CzGBMCoJbweu5LCtX8ZYonq5HU-BPpwU1QGvGVDAZNVfKD-Ib8v25tc2AZpn3lYi7WPAG_P-QY/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-08-31+at+2.02.28+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi11bcRVjc82ETFY87SmFN5uCltwZNAr5gpP1u6eq5CZ7B9Rs8EfKu_rRP9g_A_7U0e1CzGBMCoJbweu5LCtX8ZYonq5HU-BPpwU1QGvGVDAZNVfKD-Ib8v25tc2AZpn3lYi7WPAG_P-QY/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-08-31+at+2.02.28+PM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">10. I did take the kids to see <i>The Croods, Despicable Me 2</i>, and <i>Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters</i> (Husband worked on this one--built the sets for Camp Half-Blood and Polyphemus's cave (photos <a href="http://trulyluminary.wordpress.com/2013/08/12/trulyluminarys-set-sightings-percy-jackson-sea-of-monsters/" target="_blank">here</a>)).</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1TGA_-zVXBR66RAgxap8lNhPQIQT9kAPR6bjATFMhGYeuYJKH3DFIIVZtP8_65yxWX2Ls8MHrFZc062CrLXqMIJaky2l8xmhq_LG2A5r2qlS3cVNuezP0nrt4R3B3akseeETCwNmdAak/s1600/Brennan+and+Logan+and+Alexandria+.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1TGA_-zVXBR66RAgxap8lNhPQIQT9kAPR6bjATFMhGYeuYJKH3DFIIVZtP8_65yxWX2Ls8MHrFZc062CrLXqMIJaky2l8xmhq_LG2A5r2qlS3cVNuezP0nrt4R3B3akseeETCwNmdAak/s400/Brennan+and+Logan+and+Alexandria+.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My Brennie, meeting his heroes on the set of <i>Percy Jackson</i>, Logan Lerman and Alexandra Daddario, June 2012.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">11. I did <b>not</b> write Mark Strong any weird, obsessed fan letters or emails. Although, I was so excited about his new AMC series <i>Low Winter Sun</i> that I may have tweeted/Google+'d about it, and my girlfriend sent me this after she Googled Mark Strong (she didn't know who he was--horrors!). This came up. Third entry down, that is MY GOOGLE+ comment, you guys. BEFORE Wikipedia. I'm actually kind of embarrassed that I'm so weird. Okay, not really. It will allllll make sense once this rewrite is finished, I PROMISE.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5mPmIBjkLnBeK4Q0tAJGq5cwACh_d_SKkjGAK4jKcV6rO4PlMtZCNFGyBsc8Oz6UfgQahyphenhyphenAhSjNupqdRtemHr5rHHFjKQw1BbF7eQvX-nJ2Dcqsn5Fd2aEULySDZQ6QVLkEs6tVEqDJk/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-08-31+at+12.49.30+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="352" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5mPmIBjkLnBeK4Q0tAJGq5cwACh_d_SKkjGAK4jKcV6rO4PlMtZCNFGyBsc8Oz6UfgQahyphenhyphenAhSjNupqdRtemHr5rHHFjKQw1BbF7eQvX-nJ2Dcqsn5Fd2aEULySDZQ6QVLkEs6tVEqDJk/s640/Screen+Shot+2013-08-31+at+12.49.30+PM.png" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqSDXCIB7fFH7H_ckgvfcIVt8_62KSevZ8wLZ45pNyxn9TRBLBwrSAY8tSgog8eyDEYVmmQ7Yv6uY8jn3kgdb3ASDybBsoaU_1Z5BvbZA0OBGEO9KPizIPN_C85L7xNJRh4VUAO-L5TS0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-08-31+at+2.02.38+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqSDXCIB7fFH7H_ckgvfcIVt8_62KSevZ8wLZ45pNyxn9TRBLBwrSAY8tSgog8eyDEYVmmQ7Yv6uY8jn3kgdb3ASDybBsoaU_1Z5BvbZA0OBGEO9KPizIPN_C85L7xNJRh4VUAO-L5TS0/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-08-31+at+2.02.38+PM.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Low Winter Sun publicity still. Adorable.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">12. I did make sure my soccer star made his way into two awesome soccer camps so that I wouldn't be labeled a complete failure. (This counts as one of my accomplishments, right? I'm running out of "dids" here, friends. Way more "did nots." Shit.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">13. I did <b>not</b> read a single book for pleasure. Okay, that's not true. I finished a Sophie Kinsella back in July because it was fun. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">14. I did, however, buy a stack of new books because I am addicted and YES the first step in treating an addiction is recognizing you have a problem and promptly returning to the bookstore for more books. Cheaper than therapy, baby.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIg8help-PYex1j2qmWCT13BqKNqaCsIKGlAkLKBG89SMny_lJAlYklhGdB-yThW8euynHxXi_qodIncmbdlYGy49BkQG5bYnDTGcymKdwY-NgNsjliSZf6BG7NUYx2-Hv_fB7hbqdfbA/s1600/Funny+Post-it+at+Chapters.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIg8help-PYex1j2qmWCT13BqKNqaCsIKGlAkLKBG89SMny_lJAlYklhGdB-yThW8euynHxXi_qodIncmbdlYGy49BkQG5bYnDTGcymKdwY-NgNsjliSZf6BG7NUYx2-Hv_fB7hbqdfbA/s400/Funny+Post-it+at+Chapters.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Saw this on one of the shelves in the YA section. Funny.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">15. And another did, because this was a good one: I did get to see my oldest boy, who I don't see much because he's growed up and lives in Washington, and he went fishing in Squamish and caught us fresh salmon (called "pinks" or "humpies"). Delish.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-0FI1lXy-vzQLM4_tCX3sfspIdjpVThN44dUptDxQNuVM_zysE_g_w0KqMixxxJUxCSvhV5yvdhJQ8vvMyxeqW0sSL_gxtRIy3mp2nn_kXv4Pia1TpBtM-dCG8MfZe97uTdXxXp0NWq8/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-08-31+at+1.12.15+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-0FI1lXy-vzQLM4_tCX3sfspIdjpVThN44dUptDxQNuVM_zysE_g_w0KqMixxxJUxCSvhV5yvdhJQ8vvMyxeqW0sSL_gxtRIy3mp2nn_kXv4Pia1TpBtM-dCG8MfZe97uTdXxXp0NWq8/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-08-31+at+1.12.15+PM.png" width="390" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Blakey caught 'em. We ate 'em. Thank you, Blakey.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">SOOOO ... with the remaining days of this Summer of Tasks, I will continue forth with more research, take a nap, do laundry, get the kids' school supplies (yes, we've waited till the very last minute because I want to SAVOR the office supply store), drink a beer, maybe two, and probably walk around my chair trying to figure out how the <i>hell</i> I'm going to finish this book. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Rarely do we get comments here, but please, share what you did this summer so I can live vicariously through your adventures. The grander, the better. Or, if like me you stayed home to work and tend the home fires, share that too. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhErR5cdX3B4ggMq0gcz0MKSBWmtCAA3elD-_vpsIRME700qXTdlffFhcYa3iP73ZQq7S2nLke-APD_xM8Cbr_OPijRx11AvYKxBLFFfe91CMmIOmT_kobX6QJ4bxQn9QUpTJuc4vM0sc0/s1600/Fall+is+coming+Aug+2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="409" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhErR5cdX3B4ggMq0gcz0MKSBWmtCAA3elD-_vpsIRME700qXTdlffFhcYa3iP73ZQq7S2nLke-APD_xM8Cbr_OPijRx11AvYKxBLFFfe91CMmIOmT_kobX6QJ4bxQn9QUpTJuc4vM0sc0/s640/Fall+is+coming+Aug+2013.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fall is coming. And then winter. Although, <a href="http://gameofthrones.wikia.com/wiki/Season_4" target="_blank">Winter Is Coming </a>but not until spring 2014. Curse you, HBO! #gameofthrones</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Xs and Os, lovelies ...</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-34542859126804456362013-07-30T12:05:00.002-07:002013-07-30T15:19:36.141-07:00It Hit Me: Welcome to the Punch<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Anyone who knows me, or this collection of mildly unstable humans known as my household members, knows that WE LOVE MOVIES.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Like, it's an obsession. My daughter writes an <a href="http://trulyluminary.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">entertainment blog</a> when she's not corralling teddy bears and the <i>wonderful, friendly, patient, not at all pushy or entitled or spoiled</i> customers who come into that store (one of these days ... I WILL HAVE STORIES ... but not now because we need her to remain gainfully employed). Husband works in the industry and has for the last 25 years, although folks who say "wow that is so glamorous" don't live with the silicone and foam and fiberglass that walks in on his clothes every night. MOVIE MAGIC, folks.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It's also why when stupid Facebook starts asking me questions in the margin about HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MOVIE, I, like a drone, click-click-click my way through tons of movies, wasting ridiculous amounts of time, giving away my secrets to All the NSA Trolls watching me because of COURSE I am that interesting and important and of COURSE my OCD won't let me <i>not </i>click when someone asks me such questions, even if it's a ZuckerRobot. (I'm sure this shit taps into our inner child who needs to feel validated and loved by proving to our ego that we are worthy and smart and not a failure at all even if we have mommy/daddy issues and even though we're on FB in the middle of the day when we should be working.)</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5EHii5-vwQhzAZVsxPYY-kuIDIuz7JON6en-0HYsxAkSNzMPVT8CHUUF5P-oJVapBLupKPfdHhHOLHZDfktVUKaQhprbT7f2hZKvHWIAAzQJucEHkZcu9Q-UmKi99zXR5SeX4rSRuQ-0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-07-30+at+10.00.00+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5EHii5-vwQhzAZVsxPYY-kuIDIuz7JON6en-0HYsxAkSNzMPVT8CHUUF5P-oJVapBLupKPfdHhHOLHZDfktVUKaQhprbT7f2hZKvHWIAAzQJucEHkZcu9Q-UmKi99zXR5SeX4rSRuQ-0/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-07-30+at+10.00.00+AM.png" width="320" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">SEE?????</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">WHY YES FACEBOOK I HAVE SEEN THAT IT WAS FIVE STARS ... and that one. Three stars. Oh, no, that one was terrible <i>WHY DOES DISNEY KEEP MAKING PUPPY MOVIES</i>? *ahem* For the record, I only watched <i>Santa Buddies</i> and <i>Santa Pups</i> because Yaunna was in them. SHE WAS. An elf. My sweetie height-challenged lass ... </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrLH0Z_f2K2dJI3yrPMXAJjxY8oA2cVxhHme-BTpi6wMl0rlp0T50KjzkCj7qv9c_1HyxKHq2clKX9iclK5NWPo1GgNvr28oCz5WvRouhgRazji_BUGLszJH0h-RG6_B83UY4HmDoejnE/s1600/Yaunna+in+Santa+Buddies+2008.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrLH0Z_f2K2dJI3yrPMXAJjxY8oA2cVxhHme-BTpi6wMl0rlp0T50KjzkCj7qv9c_1HyxKHq2clKX9iclK5NWPo1GgNvr28oCz5WvRouhgRazji_BUGLszJH0h-RG6_B83UY4HmDoejnE/s400/Yaunna+in+Santa+Buddies+2008.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">That's her. Cute, eh?</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">We talk about books and movies around here. A lot. If you're not into books or movies, you will be bored stiff by our conversations, and chances are, we're not friends anyway, so you don't have to worry about us boring the hell out of you with our book-and-movie chitchat. We talk about story, characters and their arcs (or lack thereof), why certain stories work when others fall flat, goals, motivations, conflicts, who has the best hair, why Jennifer Lawrence wins at life, what the HELL is going on with Johnny Depp and if poor Taylor Kitsch will ever make another movie ... SUPER IMPORTANT STUFF.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So, in this vein, I bring you a movie review of sorts. About my latest obsession. Stop what you're doing, go to your local DVD/Blu-Ray retailer (online or in person), and GET THIS FILM:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH6Ahde10jbkubg3FaGyfd915TD7NccrnUv0oeck9bT-o0sNKWlmL3tsDQaADWww2-Nf8NB1rpIq7zI31wRgUxBVmMIajLeeoEZHihIUpsk31hwODdiI0JpU5JRssh4S4ajfh-NMlqqGY/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-07-25+at+11.30.00+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="323" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH6Ahde10jbkubg3FaGyfd915TD7NccrnUv0oeck9bT-o0sNKWlmL3tsDQaADWww2-Nf8NB1rpIq7zI31wRgUxBVmMIajLeeoEZHihIUpsk31hwODdiI0JpU5JRssh4S4ajfh-NMlqqGY/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-07-25+at+11.30.00+AM.png" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But, JENN, you're <i>only</i> telling us to watch this because Mark Strong is in it. OH MY DEAR GOD he is so in this, and he's absolutely <i>enthralling</i>, as per usual. My obsession with him, while mildly unhealthy and borderline creepy, is not the only driving force behind me instructing you to view this film post haste.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It's a bloody good movie.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The script is <i>tight</i> -- like, your-pants-on-Thanksgiving/[insert international holiday that allows you to pig out]-after-you've-made-the-third round-of-the-table tight. The good guys aren't wholly good, and the bad guys, well, they have heart and soul AND I LOVE THAT because we rarely see that with bad guys. Thing is, bad guys are BAD because they believe in what they're doing. Rarely are characters bad simply for the sake of being bad (except in stupid cartoons, which we addressed <i>ad nauseam</i> in a prior post). Bad guys THINK they're doing the right thing. They <i>believe</i> that what they are doing, whether robbing a bank or cutting someone's throat, is for a higher cause, a power or belief system bigger than themselves, for a lust or power or desire they have no choice but to fulfill. In essence, a bad guy is nothing but a good guy with motives otherwise deemed unseemly by society at large. (Except Voldemort. SOMEONE please explain to me why Voldemort was bad. Why did he want to kill Harry Potter? Hogwarts was so lovely -- why destroy it? Disclaimer: I haven't read the books. Despite my writerly girl crush on J. K. Rowling. I am so ashamed. Please don't tell her. *hangs head*)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Just ask Wreck-It Ralph: "I am bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There is no one I'd rather be than me." </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUTDD0JOtiXgUzvKfRqXidjoiWWZfh14pHgyUk_mnwjvgDzsYN4eEAUU5ZLIfwOhtQlHXv0RhBjNWvoLeqY_It_Q-NhwIuupYGhBISBQjSiTNLqGneFQYZMjf51AzBVpY5qTyUD0bCwHg/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-07-30+at+12.17.07+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUTDD0JOtiXgUzvKfRqXidjoiWWZfh14pHgyUk_mnwjvgDzsYN4eEAUU5ZLIfwOhtQlHXv0RhBjNWvoLeqY_It_Q-NhwIuupYGhBISBQjSiTNLqGneFQYZMjf51AzBVpY5qTyUD0bCwHg/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-07-30+at+12.17.07+PM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But when it comes to the quintessential bad guy, filmmakers are onto Mark Strong. He brings to the screen a depth not often seen in villainous portrayal. Even Frank D'Amico in <i>Kick-Ass</i> is a bad guy <i>who loves his kid</i>. Bad guys have families -- lovers, wives, babies, friends. A well-crafted, expertly drawn bad guy is NOT a bad <i>guy.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jacob Sternwood is exactly this man. But what brings him to his knees will make your heart melt in your chest. Never underestimate the love one parent has for his child.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCVVzkzcpXHE3GU-yLqQBdRCIJnlP-IuK0XdgKxzxw1P0BUZXvUzvMZbV7vlK6OMp4WUeZpko4zl9sgDRFTpz_EgqCtT_jutvb_AT_iKRM2AcN4HW3A7rGB8i3eY5YmKK2K7Dq82EW1SI/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-07-26+at+3.11.55+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCVVzkzcpXHE3GU-yLqQBdRCIJnlP-IuK0XdgKxzxw1P0BUZXvUzvMZbV7vlK6OMp4WUeZpko4zl9sgDRFTpz_EgqCtT_jutvb_AT_iKRM2AcN4HW3A7rGB8i3eY5YmKK2K7Dq82EW1SI/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-07-26+at+3.11.55+PM.png" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Daddy Sternwood in his Very Bad Day. (Mark Strong is CRYING. *melts* God, I love it when they cry.)</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOetKoqAwg0P_YOVf8O4ISPlvux0aj3vfeHlEycjwVVp64KTAUCh0QuRi3c6ZtUQ69E8lPGTJqwGsy8kkSos_c9rSzal8vGwV_EjRW3KvhDBPnK_7pBwne8woncQNQMMgEU566p5BZloM/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-07-26+at+3.13.38+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOetKoqAwg0P_YOVf8O4ISPlvux0aj3vfeHlEycjwVVp64KTAUCh0QuRi3c6ZtUQ69E8lPGTJqwGsy8kkSos_c9rSzal8vGwV_EjRW3KvhDBPnK_7pBwne8woncQNQMMgEU566p5BZloM/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-07-26+at+3.13.38+PM.png" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Great visual themes/motifs in this film. Director Eran Creevy is a writing/directing phenom who gave us modern-day London without Big Ben or the London Eye. Classy, sleek, elegant, dangerous. Delicious.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIng8tfe2bftNTeDTnFBBtd26uVA84VPbdJ6fsitFUJIaDMkwmUzHa7UuQtyFQSy_1wwgOEaeLLQ0NNzsu5XtAD9A_PZmQTYO9So72-GUZ5qlA4frIKe8X8NgBBqii0DKR5w6JA_qi-Yg/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-07-26+at+3.05.57+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIng8tfe2bftNTeDTnFBBtd26uVA84VPbdJ6fsitFUJIaDMkwmUzHa7UuQtyFQSy_1wwgOEaeLLQ0NNzsu5XtAD9A_PZmQTYO9So72-GUZ5qlA4frIKe8X8NgBBqii0DKR5w6JA_qi-Yg/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-07-26+at+3.05.57+PM.png" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Uh-oh.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">James McAvoy -- there aren't enough measure-centric words for me to express the depth of this lad's talent. (Clearly, because now I'm making shit up. Measure-centric? WTH does <i>that </i>mean? You know -- measuring words. Inches, feet, miles, centimetres and kilometres and Celsius for you anti-Imperialists out there.) A FB friend of mine keeps me in the loop with McAvoy (and her other very justifiable crush, Michael Fassbender), so I'm never far away from knowing what this hunk of Scottish Delight is doing. He plays police officer Max Lewinsky, a copper whose heart is absolutely in his job. The first four minutes of the film will lay the scene for the conflict that will define him for the subsequent calamity that is his career, and in each nuanced movement, line, and thrust of the gun hand, McAvoy delivers. I <u>feel</u> Max Lewinsky's pain. Every. Single. Ounce. And when I say ounce, think about that when he's decanting his knee. Just wait. You'll see what I mean.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcuvlhN8J4eMTcyPpeLys9ibdDAC9YI8bAzIlrWDkXccWyvHqjyWzVpZo72UroTPl1xUG2uXRzePKELjXvcdzF1YOc6AbmHkNl6g0u3YIm-_ft5F63AZKYfU4y-513aC4cfkuqhWiTwO4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-07-30+at+11.43.37+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcuvlhN8J4eMTcyPpeLys9ibdDAC9YI8bAzIlrWDkXccWyvHqjyWzVpZo72UroTPl1xUG2uXRzePKELjXvcdzF1YOc6AbmHkNl6g0u3YIm-_ft5F63AZKYfU4y-513aC4cfkuqhWiTwO4/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-07-30+at+11.43.37+AM.png" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The climax of this scene was shot in 500 frames per second. Which means IT IS GLORIOUS.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Andrea Riseborough ... girl, you got it goin' <i>on.</i> This is one of the things I LOVE about British films. First, everyone can act. Like, they got some wacky acting vitamin in the water there because <i>they are all so effing awesome</i>. This is the first thing I've seen Miss Andrea in -- I am so embarrassed to admit that out loud (although I <i>do</i> have the <i>Oblivion</i> soundtrack so does that count?) -- but it certainly won't be the last. She's amazing. Her character, Sarah Hawks -- I don't know if I can talk about this without crying. So I won't. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Somebody get this girl a Moleskine.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>Welcome to the Punch </i>has it all: conspiracy, criminal intent, flawed good guys and soulful bad guys, a couple of bad guys who are <i>real bastards</i> (and YET, they are again working toward that "selfless commitment"). Sure, lots of guns and shoot-'em-ups happen for the action junkies, but the STORY. I think I might take to the street corner with my sandwich board reading SEE THIS FILM OR THE END IS NIGH if I think about this too much. It gave me <i>all the feels</i>. And it takes a lot to do that. At my last medical checkup, they had a hard time drawing blood because I am made of cold, hard granite.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So yeah. There you have it. My version of a movie review. I could keep going ... the super-bad-ass performances by Peter Mullan, whose Roy is a friend to Sternwood like Horatio is to Hamlet (read: true blue through and through) and Johnny Harris (omigod, I haven't hated a bad guy in a film this much in forever, which tells me ex-soldier/hired mercenary Dean Warns is <i>exactly</i> what cinema is missing) and the sinister calm of David Morrisey's go as police captain Thomas Geiger ... gahhhhhh. I told you I wouldn't shut up. THIS IS YOUR FAULT.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My sole complaint? This is aimed at the folks responsible for the movie's score:<i> it is only available in the UK via Amazon UK</i>. I needs it, Precious. I'm in Canader, and we can't get it here. This makes us sad. You don't underSTAND my love for haunting, layered movie scores. Some people use meth; I use movie scores. I tweeted composer Harry Escott, but alas, I'm just another creepy stalker fan person. So, hey, Worldview Entertainment and IFC Films? Could you please see about getting this score into the North American market? Kthanksbye. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Get thee to a film shop. Buy. Watch. Adore. Comment.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">One last shot before we go:</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFviQS5AHkSrtX_UE9lLABmDcHgShAJO-J0QakIeS-wGQhMO86xTdUPgDcS7ImuAkLQ1txvqRc5IaJ1j25OlnF4ePYeGRL0iujnNcCLk-egmAW2MGmAZsMYLy1qnwN4Qk_v2lrkFPVE-c/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-07-30+at+12.02.17+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFviQS5AHkSrtX_UE9lLABmDcHgShAJO-J0QakIeS-wGQhMO86xTdUPgDcS7ImuAkLQ1txvqRc5IaJ1j25OlnF4ePYeGRL0iujnNcCLk-egmAW2MGmAZsMYLy1qnwN4Qk_v2lrkFPVE-c/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-07-30+at+12.02.17+PM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Love you, honey. Even if you're shooting someone. #badguysrule</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Xs and Os, lovelies ...</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1051460486719614631.post-91036603231826600792013-07-24T08:00:00.000-07:002013-07-24T08:00:03.719-07:00Crazy from the Heat: Next Time, I'll Take Two-Ply<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">While vacuuming, naturally I begin to think about three-ply toilet paper. Why three plies? Why do we need three layers to wipe off ... you know. <i>That</i>. And have you seen the Charmin commercials where Momma Bear is doing laundry and she discovers the skidmarks inside the undies and <i>that</i> is how she knows her baby bears need three-ply toilet paper? But then in the next frame, none of the bear children are WEARING any underwear, so what is the point of washing Baby Bear's skivvies if he doesn't really wear them? Are those underwear <i>stolen</i>? Are we witnessing a crime in progress? Or is Momma Bear doing her part to help with the mortgage and she's actually washing the underwear that belong to Goldilocks and her neglectful 9-to-5 parents and those undergarments really belong to the people for whom Momma Bear works, likely for a shit wage and no benes and no paid holidays? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But -- wait -- if those ARE Baby Bear's underpants, if he doesn't really wear them and he's not good at cleaning his undercarriage, does that mean all the furniture in the house has been soiled and stained accordingly?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />DO BEARS HAVE FURNITURE OR HIGH-EFFICIENCY WASHING MACHINES?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Tell me -- do you guys get this commercial in the US? Elsewhere? I can post the link to the French one if you want. Poop sounds so much cooler en Français.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/0bLGH4vAo5o?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As often happens when I'm vacuuming -- a mind-numbing chore I try very hard to avoid until the memory in my feet screams at me CLEAN THESE FLOORS BEFORE I REVOLT AND TAKE LEAVE OF YOUR ANKLES -- my brain, well, it short circuits a little. All that monotonous back and forth, the drawing of lines in the carpet, the watching while the other members of the household <i>destroy </i>those beautiful lines with their stinky, sticky feet ... Mommy likes the lines ... I vacuum the wee hallway connecting the tiny bathroom off the "master" bedroom (more like the bedroom that really wanted to be the master but had to settle for second mate or even the guy who has to mop the decks) and I see the package of Charmin that I bought because they were all out of the less expensive store brand, and I never buy three-ply because we have the worst plumbing in the world and my children still do not believe me when I say they don't need to use half a roll of toilet paper every time something other than liquid exits their bodies. (I am certified with a plunger. Like, journeyman-level certification here. The universal plumbers' alliance should just knight me, I'm that good.) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">ANYWAY, hummmmmmmm -- that's the vacuum -- it's still going, and I'm now drenched and I've got boob sweat, which is totally gross but would've been so much hotter 20 years ago when my ass was still hard enough to bounce nickels off and I didn't have all these weird hairs sprouting from -- never mind -- and I'm glad I didn't put on makeup because I'd be drinking it at this point, and it is SO EFFING HOT I want to die but not really because dying would suck, especially while vacuuming -- and it dawns on me that Charmin three-ply toilet paper is sold to us by bears who have washing machines and vacuums of their own ... and THAT is why I hate cartoons.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You're following along, aren't you. Aren't you?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I really do hate cartoons. Like, Looney Toons and Baby Looney Toons and Merrie Melodies and Hanna-Barbera and The Flintstones and Elmer Fudd (someone SHOOT him already) and that Tazmanian Devil and that obNOXious Yosemite Sam and that <i>confounded</i> Wile E. Coyote who never, ever gets the bird and the skin-peeling, eye-yanking, thumb-smashing terror of Scooby Doo.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDpjSJjVpT-yqybnAg_Ia8-H-bWA7V0QKaruXUr9CnchVXUUG1cW8kLdsbztiPGGZLF-Uwqv8FJEWXJ_6nsXTyt5C-3lrFIGDa2wpT1J9WdwPmuLLdGHV60erNEgX8sTqlz9EQIeYp-b4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-07-23+at+11.12.40+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDpjSJjVpT-yqybnAg_Ia8-H-bWA7V0QKaruXUr9CnchVXUUG1cW8kLdsbztiPGGZLF-Uwqv8FJEWXJ_6nsXTyt5C-3lrFIGDa2wpT1J9WdwPmuLLdGHV60erNEgX8sTqlz9EQIeYp-b4/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-07-23+at+11.12.40+PM.png" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Be very careful Googling this image. A picture of a poorly drawn Wile E. Coyote tattoo on some guy's very hairy ass pops up in Google Images. I cannot unsee that. The bleach just stings us, Precious.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But Jenn, you say. Cartoons were a part of our childhoods, you say. NOT MINE. They stressed me the hell out. How could Fred Flintstone possibly survive getting hit in the head <i>that many times</i>? And dinosaurs and people didn't LIVE in even remotely the same historical period! Duh! How could the Coyote survive the anvil on his skull <i>and not have permanent neurological damage</i>? He should have multiple metal plates and slurp his pureed protein-enriched dinner through a straw by now! How could Daffy Duck turn his beak around after it had been shot off by that mentally challenged man with a speech impediment and a loaded weapon? And who thought it was a good idea to give George Jetson's housekeeper artificial intelligence? I saw <i>I, Robot</i>. That shit scared the hell out of me. No robots in THIS house, even if they <i>do</i> vacuum.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtFIKtin8hY1rQ4hlJT_SgJnYjBGpDLY_V0FeyHuQHAk6qLhuzhscfHP708L5AF84vlxBvUCCSQL89GDPzRIUJRIBNVhG0SIR2n_11kLKAmK985oMTyNeUTfeW8uJIG0Ql7VRpCeETX48/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-07-23+at+11.45.25+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtFIKtin8hY1rQ4hlJT_SgJnYjBGpDLY_V0FeyHuQHAk6qLhuzhscfHP708L5AF84vlxBvUCCSQL89GDPzRIUJRIBNVhG0SIR2n_11kLKAmK985oMTyNeUTfeW8uJIG0Ql7VRpCeETX48/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-07-23+at+11.45.25+PM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sunny says HI. (CREEPY!!!!)</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Which -- of course -- leads me back to the conversation about the bears and their dirty butts. Bears probably have very dirty butts. In fact, I guarantee it. They also have very large paws, as evidenced by a blog post months ago wherein I provide photographic evidence of bear prints IN MY SNOWY YARD. Because I live in the Great White North and<i> of course</i> we have bears and beavers and moose and cougars and Santa SO STOP ASKING. (Okay, that is a partial falsehood. I have never seen a moose. They live farther north. Near Santa.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I would not ordinarily buy Charmin toilet paper because their commercials stress me out, just like all those nasty little cartoons did when I was between the ages of three and eleven, after which time we got an Apple IIe on which I could write angsty poetry and cable television when MTV still played music videos about how video killed the radio star and how Madonna was still a virgin. Or wait. She wanted us to like a virgin. Or maybe she just wanted us to like her hair, which I totally did, and I totally dressed like her for Halloween one year. Nailed it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">What were we talking about?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Vacuuming. Poop. Cartoons. Stress. All of the above. My conclusion: Stop making commercials that use woodland creatures who not only don't care where they shit but who don't wear underwear EVER in their lives (although I'd pay to watch someone try to put a pair of boxer briefs on a full-grown American brown bear). Bears don't wear glasses. They don't read newspapers. They don't own HE washers or houses nicer than mine. (Way to make me feel like a winner, Charmin. Your stupid bears have nicer furniture than I do AND THEY'RE CARTOONS.) The way to this consumer mom's heart is not through an allegory of fuzzy bears with common sense and a knack for folding laundry. No. You're stressing me out. I can't buy your toilet paper anymore because BEARS DON'T DO LAUNDRY.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Honestly, if these advertisers were smart, they'd put Henry Cavill on every single package of toilet paper. End of story. Because even Superman has to wipe his butt. Right? If he needs help with that, I've been a mom and an editor for a looooooong time. I'm good with wiping butts.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVfEAkj984p3iNprOM8Ve_5-R8c2zqkZcPoGEaBNntWSSovx3jb7anxwZsdemnNxWeiDcd4glcJkz7j2myGcut0OUDopvEqV2iKxi2O6qe3WnYydBl43_WKw40nxIeKxpMWJwSXp2ei78/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-07-23+at+11.33.28+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVfEAkj984p3iNprOM8Ve_5-R8c2zqkZcPoGEaBNntWSSovx3jb7anxwZsdemnNxWeiDcd4glcJkz7j2myGcut0OUDopvEqV2iKxi2O6qe3WnYydBl43_WKw40nxIeKxpMWJwSXp2ei78/s400/Screen+Shot+2013-07-23+at+11.33.28+PM.png" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Doesn't look like Superman wears undies, ladies ... </span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />Saturday chores are only four days away. I'll let you know if any stunning revelations occur while I'm again drawing those fated lines in the few patches of carpet left in the house.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Xs and Os ...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872373847253301822noreply@blogger.com1