Introducing Magical Gumballs of Irradiant Genius ... After the Jump

Lovelies! How are you? Tell me what's new. Tell me what you're reading. I recently finished the first two books of Kenneth Oppel's fantastic series based on the life of Victor Frankenstein -- book one is This Dark Endeavor, and the second is Such Wicked Intent. 

http://www.kennethoppel.ca/

To be honest, I liked the second book even better than the first, which is quite a testament to Oppel's skill as a master craftsman of the Word Game. I wanna be him when I grow up. (Although, I do believe we're either the same age or I might be older. Maybe. *checks Wikipedia* Oh, wait, nope, he's four years older than I am. Still, I bow to his awesome.) For fun, I read some Janet Evanovich -- #18 in the Stephanie Plum series. Although Evanovich's books in this series are pretty much the same thing over and over, she really is a funny, funny lady, and she's a great plotter. She weaves some tight braids for her characters, which is tough to do. Try it. I dare you. See? Hard, huh? Witty banter, outrageous characters, and good plotting? There's a reason she makes $16 million a year. 

I'm currently re-reading Daughter of Smoke and Bone because ... drum roll, please ... the sequel is out TODAY! Some of you have been awaiting November 6 to vote, others for the release of Halo 4. But YOU GUYS -- Laini Taylor is an effing FANTASTIC word handler, and with Karou, she has created one of the most dynamic, compelling characters I've had the pleasure to read in years. Check out LitStack's review of Days of Blood and Starlight and get thee to a bookery!

Omigod, you guys, the election. It's almost OVER. Even though I'm in western Canada, we get all the Seattle news feeds, CNN, etc.*, plus the Canadian news channels, who are all over what's going on south of the 49th. Why? Because what you guys decide affects us all. We really are a global community. The outcome of today's election will not occur in a vacuum. (But if it could be a vacuum, I'd recommend a Dyson. Those seem to be so lovely!) I am under strict orders from my therapist to not talk openly about politics or religion because I get a little ... frenzied ... SO, I have been relegated to shouting at the TV and storming around the living room, raving about the condition of our current world and the fact that we STILL do not have a Trader Joe's in Vancouver. SUCKS. I'm telling you ...

(*We, however, do NOT get Fox News with our enhanced cable. Granted, we don't have the Extended Magical Cable Package of Awesome, because it's a billion dollars a month, but I think I can say, with confidence, that folks here ... we just don't understand Fox News.)

Shout-out to the peeps on the East Coast. I get super worried when bad storms happen to good cities, and I have friends in NYC and Toronto who I've been emailing and keeping tabs on. If I could get on a plane and come help, I would. Alas, my passport is still expired. YES, I will get on that. As soon as I get my roots done. Because I don't want my passport picture to show all my gray hair. I'm not ready for gray hair. And this is so tacky that I'm worried about my gray hair when people are HOMELESS. My lack of sensitivity and total ignorance in the face of overwhelming tragedy is not lost on me. I am so sorry. *hangs head*

Say Happy 14th Birthday to this rare specimen:

Since our last chat, Kovu had a birthday. In cat years, he's 84. And he's starting to show his age a little. He complains about the food and has taken to pissing outside the box. Oh, and he refuses to wear his glasses and says I should buy him larger-print books because "that print is so damned small, only an elf could read it." Yay for 84.

So, because I'm a busy duck, as we all are, and I am often at a loss as to what to talk to you guys about that won't bore the shit out of you -- some writers blog about ...

• Their writing process: I rarely do this because I'm superstitious and because the only people who care about writers and their weird habits are other writers ... seriously ... let's be honest. And, I'm sorry to admit, one of my biggest pet peeves is word counts. I don't care how many words you wrote today. Tell me when your words don't suck and I'll care.

• Loads of great advice: I only make feeble attempts at advice-giving when struck by a bolt of inspiration or when I'm super annoyed because people just do NOT understand how to use the semicolon. You guys -- come on -- it's like a super comma. Put complete, independent clauses on each side of the semicolon, and you're golden: He complained about the soup; arsenic remedied him of such worries.

• About book reviews: I do this only very occasionally for LitStack. Book reviews exhaust me. I'm not kidding. Like, I have to nap for three or more hours after I write a book review. They make me super sleepy and take away all my energy bars. It's really weird.

• Other writers: I will never be mean to another writer on this blog, even if I DO walk into the local bookstore and make grand, sweeping gestures and announce rather obnoxiously, "If you guys really were into selling solid fiction, you would take up arms and set THIS display alight. Now. Here -- use this handy kerosene and lighter I brought with me."

• Rip on the Amazon vs. Traditional/Big 6 Revolution: Yawn. Both have their place. Color me Switzerland.

However, we need something we can USE here, right? Like, important life lessons. I've lived four decades, and I've learned some shit during that time. Maybe if I share a few nuggets of wisdom, you can avoid the pitfalls of stupid. Unlike me. I've done a lot of stupid. Oh, God, so much stupid ... 

SO, I bring you a new segment, called Magical Gumballs of Irradiant Genius, from which you can learn many important things about how to live your life. 

Here's the best part: I want to hear from you as well. If you want to send in your most amazing life-lived-and-learned lessons, email me and I might grant you entry into the Hall of Bubbles and Wisdom by posting your story for the world to see. One caveat: Don't be too serious. Let's make giggles out of tears. Best that we stick together in this sugary mess. Remember: Tragedy is comedy. (Or is it, Comedy is tragedy? Whatever. Either way, let's laugh. It's either that or cry, and I just put my mascara on for the day.)

Today's Magical Gumball:

Xs and Os, lovelies ...