Little Miss Tardy, sat on her lardy-ass, eating her Red Vines and...

California was a bust. There ain't no gold in them thar hills, folks. (Okay, actually, there is gold in them thar hills. Experts estimate that 90 percent of California's gold reserves are still tucked safe and sound within their mountains. And me without my pickax!) We've been home for a bit now, though before crossing the 49th, we did manage a day trip to Multnomah Falls...

...during a respite stop in Portland, Oregon. Man, what a pretty city. So glad I was born there. OH, and the hospital where Yaunna was born? It is now the Adidas headquarters. How hilarious is that? Those are giant Adidas shoes. GIANT.

For the Twihards, we went to St. Helens, Oregon, which is the actual location where Twilight was shot. We stopped in at the little souvenir shop and gabbed with the store owner, sharing our stories about this series of movies that, ironically, has followed us around. Yaunna, now 17, was brought home to a St. Helens' house that is a stone's throw from the one they used as the Swan residence in the first film. The subsequent films have been shot up here in Hollywood North; Yaunna was an extra in New Moon and would've been in Eclipse had she not had a doctor's appointment that day; the house they use as Jacob's--and it IS an actual house--is about four minutes from here; the recreated Swan residence was in South Surrey for a bit. Now it's been boxed up and moved on. This movie, somehow, it haunts us. Anyway, I'm rambling. Would you expect otherwise?

Duh. It wouldn't say VAMPIRE PARKING ONLY. The fact that Dr. Cullen is a vampire is a secret. Sssshhhh!

The alley where Bella tries to make her getaway from those sleazoids who Edward later says were thinking vile, disgusting thoughts. Ooooooh, he's so tricky with that mind-reading stuff, isn't he? I just want to learn how to flip my car around like that. Maybe not in a minivan, me thinks...

Now that we're back home and recovered, there is the question of this little book I'm trying to finish, too, which is an interesting story unto itself, alas, a story I cannot share with you at this juncture. You don't want to hear it, anyway. It involves a lot of teeth gnashing, swearing, loss of hair, pacing of floors, and overconsumption of all the wrong foods.

This post will be brief and full of nothing interesting. Why? Um, because nothing interesting has happened lately? I mean, sure, there's that whole thing in Libya. That's pretty cool. And there's all these wicked storms that are knocking down outdoor concert stages (Note to planet: STOP HAVING CONCERTS DURING THUNDER & WIND STORMS). Certainly I could go on at length recapping a plethora of interesting news stories, but if you want that, you can check CNN, CBC, BBC, Reuters, and KTLA, just like I do. Every. Single. Day. Several times a day, actually. I'm easily distracted. Oh, and TMZ. I have to get my gossip fill, though, I must admit, I couldn't give a rip about the latest nuptials involving one of those pompous Kardashian princesses. Seriously. Don't we have other celebs doing more newsworthy things? Like, saving rainforests or swimming nekked with leatherback tortoises? I love you, Ian Somerhalder! Guys--watch "Blue August" for us and tweet me about how the beauty of those sparking blue waters are rivaled by the blue embedded in Ian's eyeballs. Do it. For me. We can't get this show in Canada. *shakes fist in air* Curse you, Canadian programming!

Thing is, I'm working. On stuff. I don't like to talk about stuff I'm working on because I am superstitious. But rest assured, words are being spilled, as is blood now and again. Don't give up on me. Thou shalt not forsake me. 'K?

Xs and Os...